I have experienced many different emotions also, some days are better than others. I too have either not slept, or sleep too much, and have a hard time motivating. The key is finding things to occupy your time, and I think getting out of the house even just to go window shopping for the day is a good idea. I have had days that I feel better, and days I feel like I've lost all if my limbs. I'm sorry you are having a bad day, especially such a difficult date as this, I too lost my father, and can relate. Please try to do something you enjoy, try to be good to yourself today. Sending you hugs and strength to get through today!

I'm sorry you are so frustrated. In my personal experience, it is way too early in your recovery to be truly feeling better. You've only been away for several weeks. I think you need to be patient with yourself. I am still not over the crap my exH has put me through because of the lasting consequences of it to myself and my kids and to every tiny little aspect of my life.

When I broke up with a bf that I had three years ago, a guy that had me so enthralled, it took me about a year and it felt truly in my past. The first couple of months were sheer hell. Now I think about him now and then and shake my head, but I don't really feel emotional about it anymore.

I don't know if that helps, but my feeling is that you just need some good old-fashioned time, along with zero contact.

Thanks ladies. I understand I need more time. I guess I'm just scared by the intensity of my feelings. I have been going along for a few weeks now with no tears whatsoever. But they have been back for a few days now. I just don't want to feel as distraught as I did in the beginning.....now that was damn scary stuff.

Time to get dressed and get out. It will be another sunglasses day. Thank goodness the sun is actually out!

Going to go look for the Honeysuckle remedy Rockin posted about.

LT,

I am so sorry about your dad... And the anger you feel. Almost certainly, you do not want to feel anger today, for your emotions to have anything to do with your ex. I am so sorry for your loss...

He was a great man, and remains so even in death. Nothing, and no one, can take him away from you.

I have more I want to add... About the anger... But I don't have much time to write right now.

I do believe all the progress you have felt is real... Healing is not linear. I have good days and bad days too. Really bad days at times. I will share more when I get the chance!

Just know that you have loving, warm arms wrapped around you from a far...

XOXO

Hey Itwist,

Sorry it's a crap day :( The remedies I use are helping, but I do have 'crashes' after a few days of feeling fine, too. Like Far says, I think it is just too early not to have them. Someone else once wrote that the bad times gradually get further apart as time passes. But to get to that...the time has to pass. Aaaargh, I know! But just keep venting and letting yourself purge the tears and bad feelings. Better out than in!

Take care and big hugs xx

ltwist, Hope you're feeling better by the time you read this! I think you have a perfectly understandable reason to feel sad/mad/just bad today. Just because you have a day where you don't feel as good as you have, does not mean you haven't made progress or that your progress wasn't real. You've been so strong and have come so far in the past couple months! Sounds like you had a plan to get yourself out of the house and hopefully enjoy some sunshine. Thinking of you!

Take care today. Sometimes the anger is healthy. I am sorry about your dad. I have really been missing my dad too. It is an emotional roller coaster and I am having one today too. Its almost 11 here and I'm still not dressed nor real motivated.

I'm sorry you're having such a bad day. But at least you understand WHY today would be especially difficult. Between the birthday and the anniversary, it's very understandable. You're only human.

I don't think you're regressing at all. You're strong, you've come a long way, you have a great attitude...I think this is just a bump in the road.

Regarding your comment about obsessing...I'm reading a book right now that talks about how destructive it can be for depressed people to "ruminate" about their problems. Obviously there are times when we need to think about the bad stuff, try to work through it. And victims of abuse should never, ever forget the abuse, or else we might let it happen again. Plus you have every reason to be angry and venting can help you work through that anger. But thinking about this stuff too much, obsessing as you say, is not good.

Take care. It's just one day and it will be over soon enough. I hope you can find something good to help you get through the day.

It is comforting to hear this is part of the long process of getting over a toxic relationship.

Driving down the road, in attempt to locate a store that would sell Bach Flower remedies, I tried to think of what my dad would say to me today if he was still alive. I was an only girl with two brothers and always felt like daddy's little girl, even at 27 when he was critically ill.

No doubt he would tell me how much he loves me and how proud he is that I was strong enough to walk away and accept nothing short of being loved, cared for, respected and honored in my relationship. He would hug me instantly I would know everything is how it should be and everything will be ok. No, better then ok.

I really miss him. In same ways (not weird ways) I think I was closer to him then my mom was. They were married 30 something years, but I don't think it was happy for the last 10 or so. He did treat her exceptionally well though. And made sure she would be well cared for after his death.

I remember a letter he sent me while in college. It was lovely and touching, the gist was to remind me I could do anything at all that I wanted to with my life. That I had what it took to make my dreams come true. I didn't keep the letter. Not really sure what happened to it. I know it made my roommates and me cry at the time. I guess I didn't realize the significance of holding on to that letter. Oh, how I would love to read it now.

As an aside, I didn't find the Bach Flower, but I did find in my piles of unorganized stuff, an old bottle of Rescue Remedy. I hope it still works!

I just wanted to add to what the others said that you HAVE made real progress, and a lot of it.

People often ask on the board "how long will it take". Well, the short answer is that it will take as long as it takes, there is no magic time. But the other absolute truth is that it will unfortunately take longer than we think it "should" take, and way WAY longer than we wish it would take. And along the road, there will be down times. For myself, I used to liken it to climbing out of a volcano - cos let's face it, it felt like a pit of hell. Scrambling up that slope was hard, the ground was often loose stones and so I'd sometimes slide backwards, but I kept my eyes on the blue sky and the patch of green grass I could see above and just kept going.

I will add that, I almost always found that a backslide came just before a huge leap forward - like an arrow being pulled back hard under pressure in the bow, before shooting forward towards the target.

As others said, you have good reason to feel bad today, you have good reason to feel angry, you have made a great deal of very real progress. So keep on keeping on, and hope you are feeling better again soon.

twist, I had to look up Back Flower Remedy and the other remedy... I had never heard of them but they look of interest tor reduce stress and anxiety.
Let us know if it helps.
I too want to sleep my time away... If only I could sleep.I am debating if I should take the sleep aid the doctor prescribed as I did last night--- but then I woke up sadder than ever.
I wanted to tell you that I am glad that you feel anger.
My sister can't wait until I am angry! She has been angry that my spouse treated me the way he had ever since she found out.... She says that "someday you will wake up angry and get all the emotion out.... and then you can start to really deal with the reality of what was a bad situation .... and then truly heal."
So if that is accurate--- I am glad for you.
I want you to be able to get your anger out and then heal.... you will heal. You have been doing so well. You and I started this process within a week of each other and I feel you are so strong and able. You are doing so well. Keep it up!!!!!

I too slept the day away. No, not sad, lonely or depressed. It is so hard to get on your feet after the abuser. My hope is someday I will get there. Really I am all of these things, sad, lonely and depressed.

LT,

Your father sounds like an amazing person. I know it's cliche to say you were lucky to have him, and he's still with you...but it's true all the same. I feel the same way about my mom. She was my number one cheerleader and I miss her a lot. But she's still with me.

Can I just say how much I love that you found not one, but two positive things to help you through the day. Remembering your father's letter, and then the Bach Flower remedies. Go you!

Andrea, I'm sorry you're going through a rough patch. You're right, it's hard to get back on your feet after abuse. Just try to be good to yourself and have faith in the future.