Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
Thankfully my anti-depressant medication increase seems to be finally helping. I am able to be less emotional when trying to seek clarity in this mess I am in.
My therapy is going well, even though my husband doesn't think so, he has been trying every tactic and manuver to get me away from my therapist, at least that is what I think. He told me last week that my therapist is too negative because she is not promoting me to work on my marriage. He told me that everyone has emotion and physical needs and it is clear that my therapist is clearly filling my emotional needs. He told me this morning that my counselor is basically surface counseling me because she is blanketly coining everything as emotional abuse instead of trying to get deepe into why the negative comments were being said to help me understand them..... WTF???!!! He told me that if in fact this is what is happening he suggests that I find another counselor.
He then told me that he is trying to "organize" in his head how he is going to present this to his therapist...... Again, wtf???
My therapist has told me that I am much less ambivalent then I was in the first few sessions I attended. That was a good thing for me to hear. I am able to see things a little more clearly, however still struggle quite a bit on the weekends when it is one on one contact with him, by the end of the weekend I am exhausted from his constant talk/crazy making and lack of respect for my boundries, which are I don't want t work on or talk about the marriage and I want no intimacy from him, yet all he does is research articles on forgiving your spouse, respecting your husband, just loving even when you don't want to, etc. etc. and still keeps trying to be intimate.
Yet, come Monday morning when I am in my office things seem so clear and I see the things he said were just manipulation tactics or so I think.
I continue to take things day by day and continue to pray for strength to keep clarity of this situation and understand and accept he will not change.
My therapy is going well, even though my husband doesn't think so, he has been trying every tactic and manuver to get me away from my therapist, at least that is what I think. He told me last week that my therapist is too negative because she is not promoting me to work on my marriage. He told me that everyone has emotion and physical needs and it is clear that my therapist is clearly filling my emotional needs. He told me this morning that my counselor is basically surface counseling me because she is blanketly coining everything as emotional abuse instead of trying to get deepe into why the negative comments were being said to help me understand them..... WTF???!!! He told me that if in fact this is what is happening he suggests that I find another counselor.
He then told me that he is trying to "organize" in his head how he is going to present this to his therapist...... Again, wtf???
My therapist has told me that I am much less ambivalent then I was in the first few sessions I attended. That was a good thing for me to hear. I am able to see things a little more clearly, however still struggle quite a bit on the weekends when it is one on one contact with him, by the end of the weekend I am exhausted from his constant talk/crazy making and lack of respect for my boundries, which are I don't want t work on or talk about the marriage and I want no intimacy from him, yet all he does is research articles on forgiving your spouse, respecting your husband, just loving even when you don't want to, etc. etc. and still keeps trying to be intimate.
Yet, come Monday morning when I am in my office things seem so clear and I see the things he said were just manipulation tactics or so I think.
I continue to take things day by day and continue to pray for strength to keep clarity of this situation and understand and accept he will not change.
Understanding and accepting that they won't change is HARD. Possibly the hardest part. I know I stayed three years longer than I should have because I gave him multiple chances to change. He would work on it for a while, but then ... surprise! ... the old behaviors would resurface.
For whatever reasons, we want them to change so very, very much. But, as others say on here all the time, they don't. The vast majority of the time.
Hugs and lots of respect from another woman struggling to recover.
How long does this have to go on?
I wish you well!!!! and good luck with him.
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))))))
I actually told my therapist yesterday that I believe I am on anti-depressants because of my marriage and she said that she that is likely the case. She told me that i is VERY common that recipients (because I don't like to be considered victim) of abuse (mine was emotional) to be on some form of anti-depressants. She told me that it is not good to suppress your feelings just to stay in an abusive marriage because the danger in that is that the emotion can come out in a very bad way/destructive way down the road.
I had a similar breakdown in 2007 and I just cried for weeks questioning why this was happening, until I went on an anti-depressant and it kicked in (drowned my pain), but I refused to go to counseling because that was just all to much for me to deal with at the time. This time (the 2nd time I had a breakdown) I went back to my Dr who had to increase my anti-depressant dose but I decided I needed to get help via a therapist.
I didn't connect it until I read something on Illene's (HEAL's) website about how recipients of abuse know they have pain but are often left with the unresolved feeling (not exact way it was said) of not knowing its source and that is because it from the abuse and crazy making.
The light bulbs just keep going off for me, I hope they continue. I pray I have no setbacks.
Thanks agan ladies!!! =)
I've been on antidepressants since before I met my now-ex, so I know he wasn't the original cause of my depression. He sure made it worse, though! Something else I refused to face for a long time. He had presented himself to me as a wonderful father, and I wanted a child so badly, and when he started revealing himself as a rage-filled, mean, selfish man, I went into a tailspin realizing I had connected myself to this man who, in no way, did I want to parent children with! I ended up in the hospital (about 2 years ago), and it's only in the last six months or so that I've been able to recognize that my "waking up" to his true personality had a lot to do with that depressive episode.
We did have a child, and I am now blessed with a bright-eyed daughter who will not grow up scared and cowering because I took a deep breath and left.
I loved Gem's suggestion, too, about getting a little room for yourself on the weekends.
take care - there seem to always be people here to say a few nice words or share their own experiences.
One of the things I learned to do when I was still in the middle of all that crazymaking was to constantly remind myself that whatever he said, he had an agenda. So instead of listening to his words for what they were, I thought about his agenda. Your H's agenda clearly includes getting you away from your therapist. Why would that be? Because you are right - the therapy is going well and he knows it. You are seeing more clearly now and he knows it, your resolve is strengthening and he knows it. He's not trying to stop you seeing her because he doesn't think it's going well, but because he knows it is.
Interesting comment about how you have physical and emotional needs and that your therapist is filling your emotional needs - bit of an admission that he's not?
Keep moving forward, and deal with setbacks if/when they arise. No need to worry about them unless and until they do.