Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I have been dealing with an emotionally abusive man for over 10 years now. We have a 6 year old child together which makes the situation even harder. Well I cut him off completely for about three years no contact rarely. Well just recently back in December he contacted me wanting to say he missed us in his life and he never want to hurt me again and let me show you I have changed. Well at that moment I was like whatever it will be a cold day in hell before I let you back in our life. Well after about a month I started thinking about a lot of the things he was saying and I was like maybe he has changed (dumb me). Feelings started to come back and I finally called him and we started talking on a consistent basis. Things were good for a short minute. He started back doing the same stuff that he did before. My breaking point was last night he called me and when I answered I guess I didnt sound happy enough for him because I was simply tired and taking care of our child. He was like why do you sound like that and I said because Im just tired. He proceeds to say -okay whatever bye and hung up in my face. I was dumb founded and was like what the hell just happened. I called him like 5 times with no answer finally he called me back and was like what. I said what is wrong? I havent done anything to you ,and he said I just got into it with my friends girl. I was like okay what does that have to do with me well he just went off. He repeatedly called my phone taking his frustration out on me and then the final call was him attempting to be nice and saying I love you. He wanted to see me and when I said no he got mad all over again and pretty much hung up in my face again.
The week before he did the same thing. I had text him good night and he called me and was like did you call I said no I text you. He was like sh*t its the same f*cking thing. He was like what do you want and I said all I did was text you good night so why are you going off on me? And he hung up in my face after that. I dont have time for the temper tantrums and Im mad at myself for letting him back in just to prove me right, he will NEVER CHANGE! Anyone reading this and in my situation please dont fall for the trap. Now I feel like I am back at square one when I was doing just fine without him!
The week before he did the same thing. I had text him good night and he called me and was like did you call I said no I text you. He was like sh*t its the same f*cking thing. He was like what do you want and I said all I did was text you good night so why are you going off on me? And he hung up in my face after that. I dont have time for the temper tantrums and Im mad at myself for letting him back in just to prove me right, he will NEVER CHANGE! Anyone reading this and in my situation please dont fall for the trap. Now I feel like I am back at square one when I was doing just fine without him!
He proved to you that he hasn't changed. Just because you broke No Contact doesn't mean you can't go No Contact again. That's the good thing about No Contact. You can start it again and again. :-) If you block him, his friends, your mutual friends & his family from your phone, email, social media, etc., then you won't have to worry about what he is saying/doing. That will give you Total No Contact.
In addition, if you haven't already, please do Ilene's Clarifying Index Card Exercise.
http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Physical_Emotional_Abuse/forum/11590808-ilenes-clarifying-index-card-exercise
Then each time you're tempted to contact/respond to him, go thru the cards to remind you that he is an unchanged abuser who is not going to change and that his words do not match his actions.
If you won't do it for yourself, do it for your child. Children learn what they live and live what they learn. So s/he will grow up thinking its ok to abuse and be abused. Even if he doesn't abuse her, witnessing the abuse causes serious emotional damage. Remember children know way more than we give them credit for AND they sense things too. So please take good care of (and protect) you and your child.
~healing hugs~
Don't be mad at yourself for falling for his lies, if you want to be mad at someone be mad at him for doing this to you. And be proud of yourself for stopping it now rather than letting it drag on.
You are not back at square one, you never will be. You are seeing clearly, so chalk this one up to experience and know with certainty next time that he's a liar who will not change. And that you don't have to give him the benefit of any slight doubt there might be. What he has done to you is enough for you to be perfectly justified in saying "no 3rd chances".
He's not changed. You know what you need to do...
Hugs.