Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I'm new here and I think I'm being abused...actually I knew I was being abused now I just feel like I'm crazy. I know this man is brainwashing me.
He's not bad all the time, but I feel like I've just been justifying his behavior more. I know I need to leave him. I just need some validation that I'm not crazy and this is in fact abuse.
Some examples: He works nights so he is very cranky if I wake him up. I left one morning and kissed him goodbye. He made a disgusted face and said, "You're crushing me." The other night I had a cold and was coughing. Also, I like to cuddle at night. I tried to hold his hand. He woke up and started screaming at me about how I was purposely trying to wake him up and slammed something on the bed. he left and slept n the couch. This has happened in the past as well. I'm terrified to wake him up. I scared to move or touch him while he's sleeping for fear he'll start screaming at me. If I'm in his side of the bed, he makes disgusted faces. Later he said he was sorry, "but I know how tired he is" I wouldn't accept the apology because he was still blaming me for his reaction. He freaked because "I didn't care that he said he was sorry." As soon as I did, I started getting the cold shoulder from him.
If he sleeps late, its my fault because I didn't wake him up.
Also, god forbid my day doesn't revolve around him. He'll throw a hissy fit.
I get blamed for everything. And told how to do everything. Today we were out of sugar because " he threw it away because I said it was gross that there were ants in there."
I didn't shut the window and "he told me to".
I don't put the water in the coffee maker right.
I'm a child
I'm annoying
I talk too much.
He accused me of cheating and said, you better be glad I don't hit women" ,called me a whore, said he was going to tell everyone "what a fucking skank I was", and kept screaming about how he was gonna "get tested for stds"
He accused me of dancing with another man at a club and grabbed me on the dance floor and said he was leaving me there. He went to get a cab but it was too expensive. I said "fine, go". He came back and asked for a ride. I told him to " F off". Then he called me a selfish drunk bitch.
If he calls me names and I bring it up later, he denies it. If I get angry about how he treats me, he says, You act like I hit you, or something"
He makes me feel like I'm CRAZY!!! Am I crazy? I don't think so.
He's not bad all the time, but I feel like I've just been justifying his behavior more. I know I need to leave him. I just need some validation that I'm not crazy and this is in fact abuse.
Some examples: He works nights so he is very cranky if I wake him up. I left one morning and kissed him goodbye. He made a disgusted face and said, "You're crushing me." The other night I had a cold and was coughing. Also, I like to cuddle at night. I tried to hold his hand. He woke up and started screaming at me about how I was purposely trying to wake him up and slammed something on the bed. he left and slept n the couch. This has happened in the past as well. I'm terrified to wake him up. I scared to move or touch him while he's sleeping for fear he'll start screaming at me. If I'm in his side of the bed, he makes disgusted faces. Later he said he was sorry, "but I know how tired he is" I wouldn't accept the apology because he was still blaming me for his reaction. He freaked because "I didn't care that he said he was sorry." As soon as I did, I started getting the cold shoulder from him.
If he sleeps late, its my fault because I didn't wake him up.
Also, god forbid my day doesn't revolve around him. He'll throw a hissy fit.
I get blamed for everything. And told how to do everything. Today we were out of sugar because " he threw it away because I said it was gross that there were ants in there."
I didn't shut the window and "he told me to".
I don't put the water in the coffee maker right.
I'm a child
I'm annoying
I talk too much.
He accused me of cheating and said, you better be glad I don't hit women" ,called me a whore, said he was going to tell everyone "what a fucking skank I was", and kept screaming about how he was gonna "get tested for stds"
He accused me of dancing with another man at a club and grabbed me on the dance floor and said he was leaving me there. He went to get a cab but it was too expensive. I said "fine, go". He came back and asked for a ride. I told him to " F off". Then he called me a selfish drunk bitch.
If he calls me names and I bring it up later, he denies it. If I get angry about how he treats me, he says, You act like I hit you, or something"
He makes me feel like I'm CRAZY!!! Am I crazy? I don't think so.
It won't get better, it'll only get worse if you stay.
So, use this site to your full advantage. Post as much as you want. Read what other people are going through. I promise you, the confusion and feeling like you're the crazy one will surely melt away and all of a sudden, you'll get this "oh shit, I get it" moment...
Truth sets us all free, and its keeping in perspective what is actually true that we need to do. The abusers do a great job of hiding the truth in their games and manipulations. But, because of forums and support groups like this, they can't keep hiding the truth for much longer!! You have dozens of women here who have lived it, gotten free from it, and are SURVIVORS. They know whats up, and I know that when you're ready, you'll be a survivor too. =)
The line you posted about him saying "you were purposely trying to wake him up." reminded me of my soon to be ex husband who is 48 and went back to school to get his associates degree. He told me that I was "purposefully trying to distract him from his studies." Even though he was smoking pot every single day; apparently that didn't distract him.
You are not crazy! My ex would say things to me like "No matter how crazy people say you are, I still love you." He DID want to make me feel like I was crazy and for awhile I thought I was crazy. We are separated and our divorce should be final in 3 months. We were only married for 7 months.
This group is a great source of support. Put yourself first, you deserve too.
Blessings!
www.youarenotcrazy.com
I'm serious :-)
When he slams something on the bed, or anything else that is along those lines (like mine used to kick the chair I was sitting in, break dishes, scream at me 2" from my face....) the implied message is that next time it might be you that I break, you that I slam.....
Take it seriously. Not all emotional abuse leads to physical abuse, but all physical abuse begins and/or includes emotional abuse.
You don't deserve this...it's not your fault. You did nothing to make him like this, the only person's behavior you are responsible for is yourself.
Abuse never gets better. It only gets worse. It will change, and mutate, but it will always be there. When you think you have met his expectation and he will be happy, he will change the expectation, and be angry with you for not meeting one you didn't know he had. The only way to stop abuse is to leave.
Glad you found us, sorry you need us. Stay here, learn about abuse, get strong. You've got a bunch of great folks behind you now.
Bottomline: you are not crazy. Keep reading other people's post. It will make you fee better
I'm sorry for what you're going through.
You're not crazy.
He's a textbook emotional abuser.
Have you had any kind of counseling?
If not, I hope you'll find a counselor
qualified in treating abuse and trauma.
NOT couple counceling. Counseling
for YOU.
Whether or not you do that, ask
yourself what you want your life
to be, going forward into the future.
For the record, there's no guarantee
that his abuse will always be physical.
Abuse always escalate. And even if it
never gets obviously physcial, it's still
utterly TOXIC. It'll make you sick, no
matter what.
Think ahead about what kind of
life you want. If you think this will
change. . . . it will. It will get WORSE.
Please take good care of yourself.
my bf says it's like going out with a child going out with me, he hit is fist on a gate and hurt his hand and blamed me, he witholds affection in bed and shouts at me if I wake him up
omg that is so weird that they are so alike
i am planning to escape but need to save money
i hope you do the same. I don't know if it will happen but I'm frightened he is going to start hitting me