Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
Hmm, where to start. Hubby and I have a 10 room house. Downstairs is a small office ( where I'm allowed to have a table for my computer). There is also a "double parlor " ; one room for a dining room, and another for living room. ( We don't have a dining room; the room is being used for something else ). Oh yes, we also have a kitchen and pantry.
Upstairs are 3 bedrooms. Two are empty because the girls are grown and married. When Amy ( oldest daughter ) left for college in 2005, I jokingly said "I'm going to make her room into a sitting room to read in". Mark ( husband) yelled "This is her room; it will always be her room. You aren't going to change it". Well last June he decided he'd make her room into "his" upstairs office. ( he's self-employed as an engineer). So much for leaving Amy's room alone.
Now winter is coming on, and he wants to move said office into what is now our living room. (What would have been a dining room is filled with antiques ). He want's me to move into this small room; move the piano and china cabinet somewhere else, and move one couch and one chair into this room. We still have the office I'm sitting in, but I think he wants a room for himself - he's just calling it his new office.
So I may be moving into a small room. Social worker says he's pushing me out of the house. Is he? And how do I refuse this move? - Holly
Upstairs are 3 bedrooms. Two are empty because the girls are grown and married. When Amy ( oldest daughter ) left for college in 2005, I jokingly said "I'm going to make her room into a sitting room to read in". Mark ( husband) yelled "This is her room; it will always be her room. You aren't going to change it". Well last June he decided he'd make her room into "his" upstairs office. ( he's self-employed as an engineer). So much for leaving Amy's room alone.
Now winter is coming on, and he wants to move said office into what is now our living room. (What would have been a dining room is filled with antiques ). He want's me to move into this small room; move the piano and china cabinet somewhere else, and move one couch and one chair into this room. We still have the office I'm sitting in, but I think he wants a room for himself - he's just calling it his new office.
So I may be moving into a small room. Social worker says he's pushing me out of the house. Is he? And how do I refuse this move? - Holly
Your husband is certainly being very selfish about how your house space is used. Telling you that you can't change your daughter's room, and then taking it over himself is quite hypocritical.
My husband started out just like this - complaints about everyday and practical things - then he ended up dishing out verbal, physical, and financial abuse to me. It only got worse.
You have a social worker? Is that due to the fact that you already know he is abusive towards you? Because his behaviour IS controlling and abusive based on what you say here.
I would strongly advise you to consider leaving him. Controllers and abusers like this only get worse with time. And you could be putting yourself at great risk if you stay or try to resist what he is demanding. Don't try to 'win' an argument - it's not worth it. He could turn really nasty and hurt you. With people like this, it's best just to get yourself well away and stay away.
Talk to your social worker in confidence about leaving. I am sure they will be able to advise you on a safe way to do so. I am leaving an abusive 10-year relationship soon, and I only wish I'd left sooner...
Take care, and I hope you will take my advice for your own sake. XXX
I dont know if he is pushing u out but he is certainly not liking u having any equality to him what so ever. Its not ok 4 u to do something but its ok 4 him to do it. And now he is invading your space, asserting his importance and his needs. Holly what about your needs? Are u equal Holly? in your own mind are you? If u are then be it and if what u really want is to refuse this move then do just that!
My advice may be a bit straight foward and i apologies if its too much, im just having a day of PMS and in my eyes abusers and users and just fuck off as far as i am concerned lol, grrr, Im having none of it today!!!
Thanks again- Holly
I'm so sorry for what you're
going through.
Please call this number:
(207) 430-8334
It's your state's women's resources.
They will help you sort things out.
Please take good care.