Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
The past few weeks/months have been particularly trying with uNPDh. Actually, nearly a year has been that way...since I began to work on gathering my strength and knowledge, and on becoming a better person. Oh yeah, and attempting to erect boundaries, ha...so not working out for me, at least not in this relationship. Truthfully, I've been detaching, I suppose coming Out of the FOG for awhile now. Truth is, during that time he didn't really change, but I have.
There have been moments during this year when I have been terrified of him. Not because he is being violent, but because of these vaguely threatening things he has said...such as, "I just wish it was only the two of us. The kids and the rest of the world just get in the way of our relationship." And most recently, during a "discussion" following a fight a couple weeks ago, "I mean after all our kids will be burying both of us soon, so don't you think you should start preparing them?" (I am 39 and he is 44, so this seemed a little odd to me.
Now he is drinking again. Last night he came home drunk, and tonight he called to let me know he will be having a "couple beers" before he comes home. Ordinarily, one would think this is normal, and I am just being controlling by not wanting this. Truth is, ours is not an ordinary relationship. He gave up drinking years ago, at my behest, because he was so physically violent (using the alcohol as an excuse) that I couldn't ignore it. Now he only drinks to get me to cave to something, uses it as a threat to me. Although in fairness to him, last night he came home, ate, and passed out. And tonight he wasn't even vaguely intimidating when he said it. Yet it felt intimidating. Does that make sense?
And he's begun to act out in public again, something I haven't experienced in years. (Of course we never do anything together, but still). A couple nights ago he followed me to walmart and caused a huge scene in the parking lot, causing someone to call the police. He has been so proud of his supervisory position at work, and determined to keep his government clearance , that he has been careful to keep his vitriol in private quarters. Apparently that, too, is changing.
Hell, I know this makes me sound crazy and paranoid. Nothing I'm mentioning is even remotely threatening, and could be construed in so many ways. I can't explain it, it's just a really uneasy feeling I have. And now, with our D14 counselor stating she had to report his actions a few weeks ago to cps, and me planning to file for separation, I'm just not sure why, but I feel bad things could be coming. Do you think I'm being incredibly paranoid? I don't know what to think.
There have been moments during this year when I have been terrified of him. Not because he is being violent, but because of these vaguely threatening things he has said...such as, "I just wish it was only the two of us. The kids and the rest of the world just get in the way of our relationship." And most recently, during a "discussion" following a fight a couple weeks ago, "I mean after all our kids will be burying both of us soon, so don't you think you should start preparing them?" (I am 39 and he is 44, so this seemed a little odd to me.
Now he is drinking again. Last night he came home drunk, and tonight he called to let me know he will be having a "couple beers" before he comes home. Ordinarily, one would think this is normal, and I am just being controlling by not wanting this. Truth is, ours is not an ordinary relationship. He gave up drinking years ago, at my behest, because he was so physically violent (using the alcohol as an excuse) that I couldn't ignore it. Now he only drinks to get me to cave to something, uses it as a threat to me. Although in fairness to him, last night he came home, ate, and passed out. And tonight he wasn't even vaguely intimidating when he said it. Yet it felt intimidating. Does that make sense?
And he's begun to act out in public again, something I haven't experienced in years. (Of course we never do anything together, but still). A couple nights ago he followed me to walmart and caused a huge scene in the parking lot, causing someone to call the police. He has been so proud of his supervisory position at work, and determined to keep his government clearance , that he has been careful to keep his vitriol in private quarters. Apparently that, too, is changing.
Hell, I know this makes me sound crazy and paranoid. Nothing I'm mentioning is even remotely threatening, and could be construed in so many ways. I can't explain it, it's just a really uneasy feeling I have. And now, with our D14 counselor stating she had to report his actions a few weeks ago to cps, and me planning to file for separation, I'm just not sure why, but I feel bad things could be coming. Do you think I'm being incredibly paranoid? I don't know what to think.
Mine usually made scenes and displayed behaviour that was all over the place when I wasn`t doing anything to placate him and he obviously (with hindsight) felt like he was losing control of me. It was intended to pull me back into line, and distract me from what else I was doing. I think it is because he knows you're putting the wheels in motion to get away, and possibly that other people are hearing about what he`s done.
They hate losing a victim, and they hate exposure, so they do anything they can to try and derail those things by causing so much uproar that they think you will do anything for peace. Also, their saying weird things gets your mind on them rather than on your plans.
Hope this helps, and please take care of yourself. Huge hugs xxx
Paranoid? Nope. It's called intuition and mine's off the charts just READING this.
Not to make you nervous, but there are SO many tragic horror stories about women who met their or their children's demise b/c they ignored their inner voice b/c it was snuffed out by their abuser.
He sounds creepy in a BIG way.
He is clearly "going off the rails".
Personally, i'd speed up my efforts to either get him gone, or get you and your children to safety.
GL! {{hugz}}
Prayers and Hugs
EVERYTHING you just shared
is SCARY AS HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
First of all, please do NOT
attempt to "set boundaries"
with an abuser, let alone
a DANGEROUS abuser.
YOURS is EXTREMELY DANGEROUS.
He's already been violent,
as I recall.
And now he's drinking
again, with the history
of using alcohol as
an excuse for his violence. . . . . .
Sounds to me like
he's got a plan
for which he's
laying the groundwork.
Sweetie. . . . . . . . . . . .
You're anxiety about
possibly being paranoid
appears to be an
impediment to seeing
as clearly as you need
to that
this abuser is like a
dormant but simmering
volcano.
You need to be
FAR AWAY
BEFORE
HE EXPLODES.
From what you've
shared, he's
TELLING YOU
that HE WILL!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You wrote:
I feel bad things could be coming.
And then you say
you don't know
what to think?
Stop thinking and
go with your gut.
You feel bad things
coming.
TAKE STEPS TO
STAY SAFE NOW.
I repeat:
TAKE STEPS TO
STAY SAFE NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Prayers. :)