Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
Hi everyone! I am about 30 days from my court hearing for the judge to approve my divorce. He bought a house and closes on 8/26/13, maybe sooner. Things are really going forward and I have been feeling really good.
I have not been sleeping in the same bed, he seems to think it is weird that I won't, yet I think it is weird if I do. Am I the only one who thinks this way?
We have been abiding by the child sharing agreement by alternating weeks and doing things independently with the kids on "our" weekends even though he is still living in the house. I want it this way because I think it is good for the kids to get used to the routine that will continue once he is in his own place.
He came up to me last night and wanted me to hug him, wanted me to kiss him. I don't know what he thinks, he talks to me like this is all not real, like I could just change my mind (even though I don't think he wants me to). He said he still loves me, he is still in love with me, he doesn't want this, he said that we were our "first" everything. I responded with telling him that he will have other girlfriends and he will build memories with them. He said but it is not the "first". I told him that we are not the only ones who had "firsts" that it didn't last, everyone does. He said I know, but now we are like all the others. What? Is he that delusional that he thought we had something special? It just re-affirmed that he truly doesn't think he did anything wrong to me.
I keep praying for continued clarity and just when I think I am not getting it, he gives it to me. And just when I think it is not enough I get more.
I told him I had a work function this Friday and asked if he had plans (wanted to see if he could pick up the kids). He asked if I was going out with a guy I like...... I said "No, it is a work function". He said "It's ok... He said is it a person at the work function you like, I said "NO, IT IS A WORK FUNCTION". He then asked me "When I move out are you going to have a gang bang?" O_o I responded with "YES, ABSOLUTELY, and if you are lucky, I just might invite you for it too!". He said "Oh, Yeah???" UGH!!!! I can't even be sarcastic! Later last night he told me he bought a new mattress for his house and asked if I would come over and try it out. He said he bought a real comfortable one being my head would be in the mattress when we try it........................................................................................... WTF!!!!!!!!
All I can say is thank you god, thank you for the continued clarity and I pray for me. It reminds me why I left. Why I asked for a divorce. Why I am choosing an abuse free life for my kids and myself!
I just pray for continued clarity so in the moments of despair and sadness I can remember this stuff.
I have not been sleeping in the same bed, he seems to think it is weird that I won't, yet I think it is weird if I do. Am I the only one who thinks this way?
We have been abiding by the child sharing agreement by alternating weeks and doing things independently with the kids on "our" weekends even though he is still living in the house. I want it this way because I think it is good for the kids to get used to the routine that will continue once he is in his own place.
He came up to me last night and wanted me to hug him, wanted me to kiss him. I don't know what he thinks, he talks to me like this is all not real, like I could just change my mind (even though I don't think he wants me to). He said he still loves me, he is still in love with me, he doesn't want this, he said that we were our "first" everything. I responded with telling him that he will have other girlfriends and he will build memories with them. He said but it is not the "first". I told him that we are not the only ones who had "firsts" that it didn't last, everyone does. He said I know, but now we are like all the others. What? Is he that delusional that he thought we had something special? It just re-affirmed that he truly doesn't think he did anything wrong to me.
I keep praying for continued clarity and just when I think I am not getting it, he gives it to me. And just when I think it is not enough I get more.
I told him I had a work function this Friday and asked if he had plans (wanted to see if he could pick up the kids). He asked if I was going out with a guy I like...... I said "No, it is a work function". He said "It's ok... He said is it a person at the work function you like, I said "NO, IT IS A WORK FUNCTION". He then asked me "When I move out are you going to have a gang bang?" O_o I responded with "YES, ABSOLUTELY, and if you are lucky, I just might invite you for it too!". He said "Oh, Yeah???" UGH!!!! I can't even be sarcastic! Later last night he told me he bought a new mattress for his house and asked if I would come over and try it out. He said he bought a real comfortable one being my head would be in the mattress when we try it........................................................................................... WTF!!!!!!!!
All I can say is thank you god, thank you for the continued clarity and I pray for me. It reminds me why I left. Why I asked for a divorce. Why I am choosing an abuse free life for my kids and myself!
I just pray for continued clarity so in the moments of despair and sadness I can remember this stuff.
I always admire your strength. Sentimental things like "firsts" make me weak.
I'm still amazed at how similar our spouses are. My counselor said yesterday that even when she's being nice, it's all about her (which is typical of abusers). Sounds like he's the same.
YAY ALMOST THERE!!!
I'm so glad you've
come this far!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Keep yourself moving forward
and the time will come when
you'll look back and let out
an enormous sigh of relief,
when all this assininity
will be in your rear view mirror.
I suggest you limit, as best
you can, how often you
interact with him. The
less, the better!
Sending you hugs
and prayers for
strength.
Take good care.
The funny thing about they way he talks about sex, he never used to be like that.
Yeah, I know what you mean about the "firsts" making you weak, but to be honest, what has helped me is to know how he has been acting and saying and most importantly how he has been about money and child support, it has really shown me that his words mean nothing to him and they are all a ploy to get what "HE" wants.
Stay strong ooooo, you can do it too! You can live ABUSE FREE & HAPPY! =)
I still remember one time, after I'd said he had to leave my house but before he did (he was the one told me the marriage was over he moved on blah blah blah, i kept begging for a while, then gave up and said fine, move out - long story), I was out shopping with a friend - doing ANYTHING to not be at home - and got a text from him that just said "Fancy a f***?" I very nearly threw up, as did my friend when I showed it to her.
Keep moving forward, keep your notes and journals etc for any time you do lose clarity, and know that there is a better life for you. A life without abuse.
All the nice things he's saying about you is to get u into bed, to get you to somehow agree to being his bit of sex on the side, I mean imagine if you was, how good would has plan be, no commitment, no responsibility and the benefit of sex on call.
The fact that he still wants sex with you only goes to show one thing, and that is that everything he said u was (your faults) you're not because why would he even be remotely attracted to someone who he experiences as inadequate?
You've never been a bad mother or wife, you've always been abused and now you'll change that and be abuse free forever!
Just keep that focus!