Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group

Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.

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rosehipcreek 10/02/2014

Ok, this is becoming nuts. Other than my therapist, everybody thinks that I am weird. My husband used to be abusive, but has been amazing for the past year...However, I do not have the emotional comfort level and trust to desire him intimately. Yet, lo and behold, everyone I know or talked with about this is making suggestions such as "you just need a good romp", "go get some toys", "do you want a threesome". Really?!?! When did this thing become the "cure all miracle drug", and when I dare say something to the effect that this is completely turned off in me right now, as I need emotional bonding first, then I get "you are not normal", "you are weird, we all have those needs."
I just finished up lunch with a friend of mine, and almost the entire conversation was about how I need to "get some", while I very politely and collectedly try to explain why and how it is different for me. And then I get laughed at. Can I get a one-way ticked to say, 70 years back in time? I sure do feel like sometimes that's where I belong. Urrrrghhh!

RockinBunny 10/02/2014

You're not weird at all. First of all, just because everyone else is thinking about that, doesn't mean you have to, under any circumstances.

Second, they sound like they probably haven't had the experiences you have in your marriage. I`ve lost count of the number of times I`ve read that someone felt like being abused killed the intimacy between them and their partner, and they didn't even feel like touching or looking at them any more. It`s understandable. Hugs xxx

MendingToday 10/02/2014

Your weird, good makes you an individual. I would like to think that being an individual is a good thing, it makes me either of 2 thing a leader or a follower. I prefer to be a leader, probably in my own mind, lol. But you know what the saying is opinions are like assholes, everyone has one. lol.

And most of us do have those burning desires, but not everyone has that as a priority, it doesn't make it right or wrong, it just is.

I read somewhere what you focus on is what you become. Your priority goes there, I think it was one of the videos I saw I don't know, I"m watching a lot of videos and reading so If I come across I will share it. ((((hugs))))

rosehipcreek 10/02/2014

My therapist said that it is a good thing that I have the ability to self-soothe, without external help. But my mother says that I create fairy worlds to live in and I avoid reality. I has been an uncomfortable feeling having to explain this to my friends so many times (the intimacy issue), and them still not getting it. Some of them had similar experiences to me, yet our reactions and our tactics to overcome them are vastly different. I do wish people could think outside of the box, instead of concentrating on one particular thing. It makes me want to pull back into my shell. There is so much more to a person...why is that so hard to convey?

ecotime47 10/02/2014

I get what you're saying. Sorry you're not feeling supported :(

I'm curious, have you guys tried marital counseling at all?

Joanieslegacy 10/02/2014

I get it. Whenever I am depressed and off to myself or just tense, I get that crap. Not only from friends but family. You need to just go get some or date or whatever. I am currently trying to work on me so that I don't get another abuser, addict, or alcoholic. In the small town I am from, lots of people go from relationship to relationship as a "fix." Or go to a bar, smoke a joint or go to church.
I am weird because I choose to be alone, not do these things, introverted and I don't want to settle.
My father has told people I live in my head and they shouldn't of let me read so much and keep to myself as a child.
Whatever...I am learning to like me.
Sounds like you are not weird, perhaps you are awesome and your "friends can't handle that. ;)

rosehipcreek 10/03/2014

Jonieslegacy, you are way funny. Yes, lots of people can't relate to it that I really do prefer to stay home and read instead of hitting the town. I'm sorry, yes, I am boring, and prefer to sit on the porch and listen to the rain during Friday evening compared to sitting in a smoky bar and chasing down liquid that will give me a headache anyway. I live in my head as well and this morning I caught myself chuckling to a joke I made-up for myself while running.
Even my therapist said that my issues might be partially because of unfulfilled sexuality, and I just about lost it that time with her. I get it that it is an important part of us, and one day I hope to be in that deep trusting emotional relationship where I can release that kind of passion. But...I have a lot of emotional crap to process and to try to pinpoint that to that one issue is just putting a quick bandage on things and sweep the rest under the rug. So, in my experience, when I am not emotionally attached and trusting someone, this thing is completely turned off in me, literally, for years. My entire life I desired probably 3 guys total (I'm 40). Is that so unusual?

Ecotime, yes, we did couples therapy, and he really has been amazing for the past 1 year. But I just somehow can't get back to my previous emotional state where I actually want him as a husband. Or any other guy. Which is why I am not in a hurry to end things with him, 1. he has been wonderful, 2. the kids have it all now, 3. it's unlikely that I will be interested in anyone else anyway, even if I were single.

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