Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
OK - this is probably going to sound mean, but I can't help but see the humor in it... This morning, I woke up to go to work. I typically set my alarm clock in time to hit snooze once or twice because it takes me a long time to activate and wake up (I have ADD). I wrote in my journal the other day about an incident between my H and me re: waking up in the morning. So, this morning he was pissed because I didn't jump out of bed the second my alarm went off. I got up, got myself ready for work, then got son ready for school. I gathered up all my and son's stuff to leave. My H was passing by in the hallway and I gently touched him to say good bye and give him a kiss. He blew past me in the hall and did not acknowledge me. He called my son over and was fairly affectionate and gave him hugs and kisses, told him that he loved him, etc. As son and I were walking out the door, H called out after us that he'd take P to school today. I shut the door behind me and was trying to go. H came out after us, and told P to go back inside because he'd take him to school. I looked at him and asked his motive, he said, "well, you woke me up at 5:40 this morning, so I have time." Never mind that H didn't even get out of bed until after 7 am! P asked me if it was ok if dad took him to school. H was standing there and said "You never have to ask her permission for these things. Your mother is not the rule maker here." Oh I was so upset! Here he is again undermining me! Not wanting to argue, I kissed P goodbye and told him to be good.
I was on my way to work and noticed that I had a voicemail. I listened to it, and it was my H calling because he couldn't find his keys! he told me that I needed to tell him were I put HIS keys last night when we got home. If I couldn't tell him where I put them, I would just have to turn around and come home to help him find them. I called him back to say that he asked me to give him his keys as I was going up the stairs because he still had some things to get out of the car. I told him that I didn't know what he did with his keys. :) Whats better... I didn't apologize to him that he couldn't find his keys.
He called me a few minutes ago to ask me to look through my stuff to see if I had taken them with me. To humor him, I took things out of my purse and told him again, that I didnt have his keys and didn't see what he did with them last night. Karma... sometimes what goes around does come back around... (yes, I feel badly that my son is missing preschool right now )
I was on my way to work and noticed that I had a voicemail. I listened to it, and it was my H calling because he couldn't find his keys! he told me that I needed to tell him were I put HIS keys last night when we got home. If I couldn't tell him where I put them, I would just have to turn around and come home to help him find them. I called him back to say that he asked me to give him his keys as I was going up the stairs because he still had some things to get out of the car. I told him that I didn't know what he did with his keys. :) Whats better... I didn't apologize to him that he couldn't find his keys.
He called me a few minutes ago to ask me to look through my stuff to see if I had taken them with me. To humor him, I took things out of my purse and told him again, that I didnt have his keys and didn't see what he did with them last night. Karma... sometimes what goes around does come back around... (yes, I feel badly that my son is missing preschool right now )
We need a sitcom called Those Crazy Narcissists...and ya gotta laugh, right?
He actually did compliment me a while ago and said that he was amazed that I always seemed to know where all of his stuff was when he didn't, and he was the one who laid it down in the first place. LOL
That wasn't a compliment, but a well placed manipulation. This guy is good. Now instead of feeling burdened and annoyed when he looks to you for help finding things, you will feel flattered and honored. Pfft. Don't fall for it.
xoxoxo yay Karma
My sons father was the king of this type of backhanded 'compliment'. When we were together, I liked my hair straight. I was a simple girl. Not too much fuss. And he NEVER made me feel genuinely pretty. One day, I curled my hair and he said to me: "Jeez, usually your hair looks like shit, but I guess you finally learned how to do your hair to make it beautiful."
At the time, I was flattered. He called me beautiful. And during abuse and in the absence of love, you take what you can get. But he didn't really compliment me. He was just trying to control me and make sure that I did my hair like that from now on. Only, he got to play the good guy and mask it with a 'compliment.' What assholes, they are.
But the taking son to school thing...OMG. MY ex was usually in bed when we left for the bus. Or to drive to school. Then, in the last couple years I was there, he figured out that I liked taking son to school, it gave us good time alone together, and he began to insist that he take son at least 2 days a week. Mind you....not once in his life, when I was sick, or hadn't slept well, had he EVER offered to get son off to school. Not once got up and made his lunch, woke him up....nothing. When he realized I used the time with son, he tried to take it from me. (Son asked me to keep making his lunches, LOL).
Payback's a bitch....now that son refuses to even talk to him, I take him every day....and I still love it most of the time. CAr time is good time.
So I would say that his deciding he's gonna take your son to school is more a power and control issue than any burning desire to spend time with your son.
I had forgotten about this. Man, they can sure be assholes, can't they?
Hugs...
Lundry Bancroft wrote in his book that abusers are known to hide things on their victims, then mock them when they can't find it, and put it back in plain sight when the victim wasn't looking. Another way to make her constantly question her sanity and to torture her.