Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I have been out of my abusive relationship which was 6.5 years long for now more than 5 years.
I am happily married for about 2.5 years now with a very supportive husband.
With lots of support from soooo many people including my angels DS friends and my family I have become a more confident and relaxed me...
What scares me now is that I can still see some after effects of being in an abusive relationship in me..
Examples that I can remember now
- I don't like when anyone calls me multiple times in a day.Like my husband likes to call me twice a day to ask how my day has been. Earlier I would not be able to take or used to cut his call. Then, I started picking up but he could hear in my voice that I am not liking it and now I do pickup and talk but something inside me tells me to put it down.
I used to be a person who used to love to talk on phone earlier to my relationship with my narc ex.
Why??
I was not allowed to call my ex (then my bf) multiple times..Say he missed a call then I was supposed to wait atleast few hrs before calling him again.If he picks up and sounds busy (which he did 80% of times) I should keep the phone down immediately.
- I would cutoff any suggestion given by anyone quite rudely. Thankfully this has completely changed.
Why??
I was always supposed to meekly agree to any "suggestion" given by my ex else face the consequences.
Can't remember anything else, I hope that's a good sign :-)
Today, I am happy and thankful in many ways to God for ending the inexplicable painful relationship I was in.
Where I am going with all this is, whether all this is normal??
I can see the improvement since I got out of the relationship and today, which is huge..
But, there are still some aftermath of my past that I am facing even though I am not at all in contact with my ex anymore.
The intensity and effect is decreasing but still not nil.
I am happily married for about 2.5 years now with a very supportive husband.
With lots of support from soooo many people including my angels DS friends and my family I have become a more confident and relaxed me...
What scares me now is that I can still see some after effects of being in an abusive relationship in me..
Examples that I can remember now
- I don't like when anyone calls me multiple times in a day.Like my husband likes to call me twice a day to ask how my day has been. Earlier I would not be able to take or used to cut his call. Then, I started picking up but he could hear in my voice that I am not liking it and now I do pickup and talk but something inside me tells me to put it down.
I used to be a person who used to love to talk on phone earlier to my relationship with my narc ex.
Why??
I was not allowed to call my ex (then my bf) multiple times..Say he missed a call then I was supposed to wait atleast few hrs before calling him again.If he picks up and sounds busy (which he did 80% of times) I should keep the phone down immediately.
- I would cutoff any suggestion given by anyone quite rudely. Thankfully this has completely changed.
Why??
I was always supposed to meekly agree to any "suggestion" given by my ex else face the consequences.
Can't remember anything else, I hope that's a good sign :-)
Today, I am happy and thankful in many ways to God for ending the inexplicable painful relationship I was in.
Where I am going with all this is, whether all this is normal??
I can see the improvement since I got out of the relationship and today, which is huge..
But, there are still some aftermath of my past that I am facing even though I am not at all in contact with my ex anymore.
The intensity and effect is decreasing but still not nil.
I left a domestic violence situation about 22 years ago, but even after all this time, I recognize some of my feelings and reactions are still tainted with the past. Doing some major work on this at the moment.
Set aside some time with your current husband and let him know how the past has affected you. He sounds like he wants the best for you and will support you. Maybe you could work out some strategies together.
meyers
I have and still do discuss the effect of my past still lingering on me with my husband and he has been very understanding throughout.
Rather he is the one who kept me sane when I would just breakdown.
Reading that this is something we need to struggle and win really helped me to get some perspective..
Thanks Meyer..I also agree that every man is different and so even I can change.
The sad part here is that though my family and husband have always been and are very supportive and understanding but somehow I feel sad when I see the reminiscent of the abuse in my behaviour.
So I just want to know that is this normal to feel?
Also, does it ever completely goes away.
Maybe the answer to this is that you learn to live with it.
But want to validate that this is ok to feel even 5 years out of the relationship.