Few abusers are capable
of any significant change.

As soon as they feel "safe"
again, they'll revert to their
default setting, which requires
way less energy and is, to
them, far more comfortable.

Right now the "little things"
are leaking out, despite
your abuser's effort to
contain the toxicity.

Remember that for
every roach you
saw dashing across
the counter, there
are at least a dozen
living happily within
the wall.

By the way, what
number "chance"
is this one?

How many more
spare years do
you have to invest
in an abusive relationship?

Please take good
care of yourself.

I've been in marriage therapy for 6 months now. Change is very slow, but possible. It will never fully change though. The first response will always be an assault.

If there was physical abuse i would be divorced already. Once a person disrespects you enough to lay hands on you they can never be trusted again.

Verbal abuse is not so black and white, sometimes you don't even realize it's happening.

After 6 months i have learned what he is changing vs things he feels right, justified., and will never change. Now I'm having trouble trying to decide to stay or divorce. If we were dating id already be gone...

If you can, get out before you feel trapped or dependent and get into some therapy to figure out why you feel their behavior is acceptable/forgivable..be kind and loving to yourself. Treat yourself how you want to be treated and how you treat others, and expect no less from others.

Hugs, it's not easy

within the hour, sometimes, i get a week of peace

I am sorry that you are going through this , I agree with the other responses as in most cases the change does not happen yet it is possible as long as the person that needs to change wants it for the right reasons and understand the need for it . As one on the replies were most start out pretty well but then get back into their comfort zone and start to go back to their old ways and that is very true. I have been married for 24 years and my stbx started with verbal abuse , calling me names and then making threats such as he will take the kids from me, if I ever left the kids and I would have to live in a shack , if I did not give him sex then he would get it from someone else. Then the pushing . The last resort for me was when he head butted me in the back of my head and I had a contusion. Even with him leaving and charges being pressed against him he always said he would change and I would take him back , he was more careful with the pushing but his verbal abuse was in full force. I had hoped he would change and in therapy he would say I made him angry and I should know better to not push his buttons , he blamed me with the exception of saying he did it but I was the cause of it. I learned to fight back , if I was pushed down I would get right back up, when he chose to use verbal abuse I ignored it . Each time he came back he was good for about 2 weeks but it never failed he always went back to his own ways. When he saw my guard was down was when he went back to his old self. Our therapist told us that he has issues and that even with him attending a anger management class because the judge ordered it he only passed it to please the court. So in my own therapy my own therapist had confirmed in most cases they do not change and if they do it is for a short period of time. The best thing I could do is get a divorce because living years of abuse is one thing but living years and a day of abuse is worse. I think you know what you have to do and if it requires separation so he can get the help he needs then so be it but he has to want and need it for the right reasons . I hope this works out for you rather you stay or not but the worse thing in staying is the regret there after and putting your life on hold . You deserve to to be happy and not walk on egg shells , Your smart and strong and again you know what is best for you . Best of luck and lots of hugs.