Good morning everyone! I apologize in advance because this is going to be long, but honestly..I am at my wit's end with a coworker and not sure if anyone here can give me advice for handling this situation (or for why I seem to attract these types of people into my life--that's the big question I guess!)
Okay, first a little background: When I moved back from the Eastern Shore nearly 3 years ago I had to (of course) find a new job. I was immediately hired by my current employer to work as an optician in one of their offices. About 6 months into my employment, the manager at the office that I now work at was caught stealing from the company and fired. My manager recommended me for the position there and I accepted. Just for the record, I have never managed anything other than my household before (and we see how I do at that:0)
Anyway, it's a small office and everyone working there had been there for at least a year prior to my being hired, but thankfully they were all really accepting and I immediately got along with all of them. (Maybe a little too much as it is often difficult to reprimand when you are friends with people as I soon found out--or maybe it's just my personality).
There was one older lady (in her mid-60s) there who I noticed was rather "needy" to say the least. She immediately began giving me "advice" about managing the office as she stated that she had been a manager before coming to this company. That was okay, but I noticed that some of her perceptions were a bit "off" about others in the company. I really paid her no mind; took what information I thought was useful and thanked her for the rest. I also felt horrible for her as she seemed to have so many tragedies in her life. Whenever anyone would bring up something that had happened to them, to a friend, or even something we had seen in the news it had happened to her--only 10 times worse.
For instance, she was on her 5th marriage and claimed that all 4 husbands before this one were horribly abusive to her. One, a police officer, beat her so bad and kept her and their children locked in the house with no food for days. Her parents also abused her and her siblings horribly--again starving them and when they would sneak food from the fridge because they were so hungry, they would get beat to within an inch of their lives. Every medical ailment that could possibly happen to someone--from endometriosis to Lyme's disease, to carpal tunnel syndrome has happened to her and nearly killed her. Those kinds of things. She can never let someone tell a story without taking over the conversation about her personal experiences. Literally. For the most part, I just listen and was starting to wonder if it was really possible for this to all happen to one person--if it has I feel tremendous sorrow for her, and if she is making it up I feel sorrow for her to because there must be some reason she feels she needs to.
What makes the stories ring untrue to an extent for me is the end result of each situation. In every single case of an abusive ex she laughs about how she was able to get hers in the end. In the case of the police officer she states that she "took him for everything" and even nearly got him fired. In fact, she has come out on top in every single marriage she has had. She sued her former employer for something they had done and even sued her husband's ex to get his child support reduced because she felt he was paying too much. Things like that. Being in an abusive relationship, I often thought it sketchy that she would go to such lengths to "one up" her abusers, as in my case when I get out I just want to be safe and have my freedom, but I recognize that everyone is different and maybe she has more courage than I did.
This isn't my issue. I can deal with this. The issue is that she makes many mistakes at work--even mistakes that have cost the company money and patients who refuse to return to the office. She refuses to accept responsibility for any mistakes--they are always the result of someone else's missteps or she flat out lies about what happened. She is forever coming to me (at least twice a week) to complain about how another employee is being mean to her and abusing her; to which I have no choice but to take it up with the other employee although I know that she views the world through a really distorted lens.
About a year ago, my practice administrator had to have a conversation with her because she had started a pretty big ruckus in the office--claiming that other employees were not doing their jobs and in general trying to get the entire office fired (at least that seemed to be her intent). After the meeting, this employee pulled me outside (she was being sent home because she was sobbing so badly), and proceeded to vent about her horrible treatment, that this administrator had tried to get her fired when she first started with the company (which after hearing the meeting, was blatantly untrue) and how in the end she would have the last word. She began to yell on the sidewalk in the shopping center how she better never hear how another employee had said one bad word about her (even about her job performance) and if they did she was going directly to Dr. M (the owner of the practice and the doc in our office 2 days a week) and filing harassment charges against that employee. She however can say anything she needs to because that is her right and duty. We would see in the end that she would still be the one standing when everyone else had been discharged from the practice. At this point, I just let her go because really.......
Again, a little over a month ago, my practice admin came to me saying we needed to have a conversation with this employee regarding her sales numbers which have really slipped and a patient that we lost from the practice because of her actions. I was not looking forward to it for obvious reasons (see above and imagine the countless other conversations that have come in between this one), but I have no choice. I sit in while the admin VERY GENTLY asks if something is wrong to cause these issues and in what ways we can help her get back to herself. She immediately starts blaming everything and everyone in the office for her issues--she works too hard, she never gets a break, she is frustrated with the lack of management, she is this and that and everything else. She also continuously goes back to a meeting that was held 3 years prior (before I was even part of this company) and how badly she was treated there. After an hour, I had to go to the front desk to help them close. The admin sat in the office (the meeting seemed to be going well at this point) for approx 2 more minutes with this employee and then we all left laughing and talking. At 9:30 that night I get a phone call from this employee who was hysterically crying about being bullied and how she was going to report this to the owners and she was going to sue the company for harassment if she didn't get the resolution she wanted. She accused the admin of being a drug addict and all kinds of other things and just continued to vent. I allowed it, but finally after about 45 minutes I simply asked "Did something else get said after I left the room?" to which she replied "no". I then said "Well I didn't hear any of what you are telling me and did not get that perception from the conversation. T. (the admin) was only doing what Dr. M asked her to." After that the conversation literally was over. She thanked me for being so understanding and everything went along fine.
Until 2 days ago.....again this employee has been making MAJOR mistakes. I have tried to gently talk to her, and get what you would expect--lies and blaming others for the issues. Finally, in desperation (because this is MY butt on the line if this continues), I went to my admin and requested that she be present when I had a personal meeting concerning the issues we were having. I wanted a witness present because I see what happens each time she gets talked to. My admin started the meeting by simply saying that we had some things going on that we needed to figure out how to fix and we just need to get to the bottom of them. This employee immediately attacked her yelling that she was tired of being abused by this company, that T. is a bully, she is going to report her to the owners. From there this meeting deteriorated (and went on for nearly 2 hours over simple issues) and continued to come back to that meeting 3 years ago. When she got nowhere with that, she began to attack me--I am always talking about her (WTF!!!!!!) and nobody likes her, everyone is out to get her, I am a poor manager, I am unprofessional (WTF!!!!!). Oh God, the shit got deep and totally off topic. She then left the room and started calling other offices sobbing. I got phone calls from both managers at the other offices (who will not allow her to even fill in in their offices due to issues they have had with her in the past) asking what the hell was her problem. Amazingly, she was helping patients with no evidence of any tears and laughing and joking, but then would return to the lab to commence her sob-fest. Dr. M finally came to me and said she was sending her home. I was told that I needed to document the entire meeting and we would discuss later.
That evening she texted me at 10 PM saying "REALLY!!!! You set me up to be abused by T again (the admin)". I didn't respond because I couldn't think of anything that wouldn't be mean and unprofessional to say back. At 1:15 I got a text message from her stating, "I finally see why kids who are bullied commit suicide. I am trying to resist for my family but it is hard when I am so worthless to all my coworkers." I responded when I got up that "We all care about you and don't feel you're worthless and I can't understand why you insist on saying that."
I couldn't think of anything else to say because honestly, I believe she is manipulative and is trying to manipulate me into being on "her side" (although there really are no sides in this). I got a phone call on my way to work from Dr. M telling me that at 4:30 S. texted her simply stating that she wasn't coming to work and she was going to try to find some help. I forwarded her the messages I had received the night before and she called the employee's husband to express concern over her. I tried to communicate with her throughout the day simply telling her I was checking on her, but never got a response. At 5:30 her husband again texted the doctor with the picture of an ER letter stating that the employee had been evaluated there today and could not return to work until next Thursday.
Last night the text messages resumed at about 9:30. She began by saying exactly this: "I got to take an hour nap after they sedated me at the hospital when I got home from the ER. The dr. said I would sleep at least 8 hrs. I will send the dr's note to Jen tomorrow. Please place my patient's orders and put your initials on the work orders. I believe all of the duplicate orders you are aware of have my name on them, but I do remember a duplicate order from last week that was one of Lisa's patients and there was one a couple weeks ago too. I know you and Tammy will probably think I am trying to put the blame on Lisa, but I'm just trying to say that it may be a problem with vision web or maybe I make more mistakes with the system, but I ordered years ago on vision web and never had a duplicate order come in." I responded, "We already took care of them today. Just relax and feel better and we'll figure out what is wrong with the system when you get back. sleep well:-)" I then get another message that states "I thought that was our plan this week! Instead I was punished for telling you that Lisa said I threw you under the bus! She also said I should have called Rachel to confirm that I should send the redo to her after you told me to. You are my manager, not Lisa!!! Why would I do that?!"
I just replied "Sherry, I really don't want to have this conversation over text. What you think happened is not even close to what actually occurred, but I do not know how to stop you from saying and thinking that. So for now I am stepping back from this topic. You take care and get well so that we maybe we can actually have a productive conversation when you get back." I have not heard back from her.
I really do not want to work with this woman any longer. I am so frustrated and she has me not sleeping and going over and over our conversations repeatedly trying to figure out where she is coming from. I honestly feel that talking to her is like being in a funhouse--and it is exactly like talking to my husband, only without the threat of violence. (Although she has been bragging for 6 months about how she bought a gun and has been taking shooting lessons so that she can protect herself, so maybe I am a little bit scared). I am so sorry for the incredibly long post, I just needed to vent!! And I could really use a different perspective on this situation. Am I missing something?! Thanks!!!