Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I guess denial is a part of his abuse. I guess it is not helpful for me to remind him of his verbal and emotional abuse. Hhe doesn't agree, and has been using the word abuse to hurt me. I just know I don't deserve to be treated the way I let him treat me. I guess when I have compassion for him I overlook that some basic violations of myself as a person with dignity, rights, and respect are being ignored. I cope this way to try to keep the peace. He definitly uses anger abusively, to control my confronting him. It is so unhealthy. HE IS NOT SAFE FOR ME. I felt relief after the argument last night, like I needed a reason to have some space. I am tired of squelching my instinct to settle for someone who is only capable of loving me sometimes. I am tired of being mistreated. I am tired of letting him break up with me and taking him back. I turn my phone off to avoid any text messages (he probably won't sent them anywant to try to punish me). It was all over my desire to confront an issue he doesn't care to discuss. Like I said, he uses anger to control the conversation. It is not healthy for me to be intimate with someone who it is not safe for me to question. I wanted to hit him (old behavior not part of current relationship) but I kept my cool, I just persisted, instead of seeing he's angry and staying the BLEEP away. That is all I can do. It is not logical, his anger finds a way out. I want to be with someone I can trust who is nice to me. I don't want to take on the shame of how I've been mistreated by staying. I don't want to take the blame. I am not to blame for his anger and I'm not going to take it anymore. I can do it today. I can stay away. I can choose not to contact or engage him in anyway. He is a mess. He is not a good influence on me for the most part. I have a soft spot for him, I guess I have to turn that around and have it for myself. It's a BLEEPING gamble if he's going to be nice or mean. I need to stop blaming myself.
deleted_user
You are in no way, shape or form responsible for his actions! He is! You can stay away from him, you can get past this, just stay strong, go to counselling, and have faith! I am always here if you need me!
deleted_user
Can I ask a question? I don't mean to get personal but I have to ask. I grew up with a very verbally abusive father and then was physically abused for almost 7 years by my ex-husband. When I did get married, I became a verbal abuser to my husband, completely oblivious. We are now separated because he cannot take the put downs anymore. I've been on both sides of the fence. So I have a very unique perspective on things. If your husband will not look in the mirror and realize what he has done to you, then you walk on girl!!! My quesiton to you is this however, as a verbal abuse victim, if your spouse goes to councelling, and begins to change into a loving human being, do you feel there is anything left for this relationship? I'm asking you because I need a perspective from the other side. I'm fighting like hell to get control over my life, and its been so hard.
deleted_user
Tracy, I can't speak for everyone, but it would take a VERY LONG TIME of me seeing a possitive change in EVERY aspect of his life before I would even CONSIDER letting him come home. It is possible for people to change, I know that first hand, but he would have to prove it, not just say it... he would have to live it...
deleted_user
Wow, we lead parallel lives. Are you married to him? Your thoughts are my thoughts also. Every day, all day, only I am married and stay at home mom of a wonderful 4 year old.
Loved1
Yes, I'd reconsider if he went to counseling for this and wanted to change. He denies having done anything wrong so seems unlikely to want to change. It depends on the individual. I have never been married, this is one in a string of similar situations for me. Thanks all for your support it means a lot, truly :)
LindaJean
You might want to make a list of the abusive things he has done and said. When you get a soft spot for him - take that list out and read it. That tends to remove the soft spot very quickly. I agree with MaryArlen - it would take a lot of change and a lot of desire on his part to change to make him a worthwhile person to be in a relaitonship with. Good luck - and the list really does work - that's how I was finally able to walk away from my first husband.
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I have been here before, a long long time ago and now I am back.Forgive me for not just saying what I want to say,even under a triple dose of antidepressants it is still raw and seeping and I am hesitant at revealing it as at least under the bandages around my heart I don,t have to look at how raw and wounded.My child was cleaved from my heart by his own actions. my child of ten,turning eleven...
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theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
