Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
Hello all:
I am not trying to be pessimistic here but I sort of just realized that abuse lasts a lifetime. I suffered for many years of abuse at the hands of my father and now spouse. Thru many years of therapy. counseling and self work I have come to be a successful, relatively normal well adjusted adult.
My example: Last night I had several horrible nightmares about my family and mainly my father. I dreamt that I had done something wrong and he locked me out of the house. he used to threaten me daily to kick me out even though I never did anything terribly wrong.The dream seemed to last about an hour or more. Today I am exhausted, have a massive headache and have to work.
So those who say us "grow up" "get over it" or whatever are absolutely wrong. While mentally I have gotten over my fathers abuse, he has been gone for 8 years, the abuse still haunts me years later. I have forgivne him although he never said he was sorry. Why do I still at 50 yeaars old still have to be affected by this??
Martin
I am not trying to be pessimistic here but I sort of just realized that abuse lasts a lifetime. I suffered for many years of abuse at the hands of my father and now spouse. Thru many years of therapy. counseling and self work I have come to be a successful, relatively normal well adjusted adult.
My example: Last night I had several horrible nightmares about my family and mainly my father. I dreamt that I had done something wrong and he locked me out of the house. he used to threaten me daily to kick me out even though I never did anything terribly wrong.The dream seemed to last about an hour or more. Today I am exhausted, have a massive headache and have to work.
So those who say us "grow up" "get over it" or whatever are absolutely wrong. While mentally I have gotten over my fathers abuse, he has been gone for 8 years, the abuse still haunts me years later. I have forgivne him although he never said he was sorry. Why do I still at 50 yeaars old still have to be affected by this??
Martin
This is just my take, but I don't think I will ever "get over" any of it; I'll just slowly learn to live with it there in my past, with reminders that occasionally make it feel like the present again.
If there is anything for me to be grateful for, I'd say it's the knowledge that wasn't there before. Not every time, but sometimes, I can recognise a similarly abusive person before they've done too much or in fact any damage to me. Ten, twenty years ago, that wouldn't have been possible given my condition at the time.
I'm sure everyone has their own feelings about what the idea of recovery means to them, and I'm not going to go any further into it for that reason. But I do understand the kind of feeling you seem to be describing here, and I'm so sorry for your pain and frustration. Wish you as much peace and healing as possible. Hugs xxx
The only thing therapy/treatment/etc can do at that point is help teach us to understand how the condition affects our perception and way of thinking, and help us learn to work around the problem while coping with it.
In addition to meditation, certain types of hypnotherapy can help reduce the shrinkage of the hippocampus. I've also read that EMDR & EFT can help. Since we're all different, not everything will work for everyone. There are probably a lot more modalities out there that I am not familiar with.
So please don't give up on the possibility of healing from abuse. Just know that it will take a lot of time, dedication and perseverance.
Martin, those people who say 'grow up' or 'get over it' ARE absolutely wrong. It doesn't work that way. The more we ignore or stuff it, or pretend for the benefit of others, the worse we feel.
Working with a qualified trauma recovery therapist dramatically lessened my PTSD. I know I am in the process of healing from the trauma and abuse. I may not get all the way there, but I am so much better than I was.
Even if all therapy did was to help us learn to trust our inner knowing/instincts, that would be huge because we would trust our intuition when we see or sense red flags, instead of listening to others.
I also think that working with a therapist who is a grief specialist can be very helpful in the healing process. Grief can have the same exact 'symptoms' as depression and often times gets misdiagnosed and not treated as grief. People who are abused have a lot to grieve and need to be able to go thru that process in their own time and their own way.
~hugs~