That`s a good question, Elena. I`m sorry you have been going through these symptoms, and that he invalidated you by laughing and minimising the seriousness of your condition with those words.

I have not been diagnosed officially, but have read a lot about PTSD, and can claim to have several symptoms of it. I don`t like people coming up behind me, I get a racing heart and shakes over random dog barks or things like breaking glass. Worst of all, is the feeling of panic when I am in a situation where someone uses a word or expression that one of my abusers used, even in a totally different context. I can freak out pretty badly then. At other odd times, my short-term memory has let me down, and I have felt out of control and helpless.

None of mine would make the connection either, because they don`t believe that they treated me badly. They think I`M the defective one, and the bad guy, for linking it to their treatment of me.

I am finding it hard to trust another therapist after a bad experience, but have found that taking care of myself has helped a lot. Taking vitamins, trying to get as much rest as possible even if not sleep.

Someone on another board said that Vitamin D had been recommended to them for PTSD, so I got some, since it was not already in the energy vitamin I took. It seems to have helped a bit, but I don`t have statistics or medical recommendations on it. You may have to be careful if already on medication or if you have conditions. Best advice is always checking with a doc who can test if your D levels are low.

I think it is absolutely possible to have PTSD from abuse. Abusers will not admit that their behaviour contributed to it, but that doesn't make it any the less true for you. Huge hugs xxx

Many people believe PTSD comes only as a result of a HUGE trauma, like being in a war zone (sometimes called a 'big T trauma.' But that's not true. There is a lot of evidence that it comes from many 'little t traumas' that happen over a period of time.

There are studies that show that children who only witness another person (like a parent) being abused can suffer actual brain damage. The damage is the shrinking (of as much as 20%) of the hippocampus. Now they know this happens in adults too.

I'm currently in a two year training program and when I heard one of my teachers speak about how abuse damages the brain, everything clicked!!!! The hippocampus is the part of the brain that, among other things, date/time stamps important events. When a single "big T trauma" or repeated "little t traumas" (like verbal abuse) occur, the hippocampus gets all goofed up. For example a woman is married to a kind non-abusive man. One day she is attacked on the street by a stranger. That attack would normally be considered a "big T trauma." That would be enough to cause PTSD. So then, when her loving husband comes up behind her (in the privacy of their own home) and puts his arms around her or kisses her cheek from behind, she jerks away from him in fear. What is happening is that her hippocampus remembers the attack but is messed up because it doesn't remember it happened in the past. It thinks it is happening right then. She is reacting to that "big T trauma."

The same thing happens to the brain when we are repeatedly physically, sexually, emotionally, mentally or spiritually abused. And, the same things happens to the brain if we only witness the abuse. For example if someone has experienced a natural disaster and then they see tv coverage of a different natural disaster (doesn't even have to be the same kind), the brain can't tell the difference between then and now, so it triggers their PTSD.

And this is a BIGGIE: Another affect of repeated abuse is that it causes the brain to not be able to see all the choices available to us. How many of us have said we're walking around in a fog? Or that we just can't make up our minds about leaving? It's because the hippocampus is damaged and the continuing exposure to the abuse just doesn't allow us to be able to see the forest for the trees, so to speak.

Once out, after a period of time we begin to see a little more clearly and we understand that it's not good to be around that person. But the hippocampus is still damaged, so we still have trouble seeing all of our choices (hence going back or breaking NC). Until we start to heal that part of our brain, we will repeat that pattern.

There are modalities that can greatly reduce PTSD triggers like hypnotherapy, EFT and EMDR. The one that was/is most successful for me is heart-centered hypnotherapy. We each need to find the modality that works best for us. It is my understanding that hypnotherapy can help heal the hippocampus. What I love about the type of hypnotherapy I receive is that each session contains a healing so I never leave a session feeling as bad or worse than I did when I came in. I always feel at least a little better.

Elena, what you describe sounds normal for someone w/PTSD. I can relate to almost everything you said. I have it due to least three 'big T traumas' and a whole bunch of 'little t (abuse-related) traumas.' After several years of hypnotherapy in conjunction w/talk therapy, CBT, etc., I am getting much better. Talk therapy & CBT alone did not help me. It wasn't until my current therapist did hypnotherapy with me that I truly started to heal. I am still in the process of healing. Probably always will be, BUT I am so much better now.

And yes, being patient and loving to myself is hard. It's something we aren't used to doing. But each little step we take in practicing extreme & meticulous (as Ilene says) self care, helps us to heal.
~hugs~

thank u v much for your responses. i'm going to look into vit D and the therapies that u cited mytruecolors.

Good stuff.

Thanks!