YES,its perfectly normal as i found out for myself.i am sort of going through the same type of thing.i can't get past my wonderful new guy sleeping with other women in his past.it bothers the !#@$ out of me and i have no clue why,but your bf probably isn't trying to change you.you might be trying to find reasons to leave because you aren't used to being treated good.it sucks,but maybe try talking to him about all this if you havn't yet.i hope you know you aren't alone.you'll figure it out:)

That person who is usually very confident is the facade you show the world. Deep down inside you ache like the rest of us. It is hard to face your pain. And with that pain, you look at the real you. The one who doubts herself. The one who becomes insecure. But the only way to get a handle on it, its to acknowlegde it. Face it. Realize it is who you are. Ask yourself why don't you love yourself enough. Ask youself the hard questions about who you are.

How long was it between boyfriends? Did you take time for yourself to heal?

You may want to consider taking a break from the new nice boyfriend to work on yourself. This would be good for you and for your future relationships. If he cares about you, that won't be a problem. If you don't take a break, he may not be willing to put up with your jealousy and end the relationship anyway.

I am finally seeking out help from abused women counselors and support groups to help me with my self esteem issues. You may have one in your area too.

The fact that you are aware of what is happening in your mind is the beginning of success for you. You know it isn't rational that you would be jealous of the ex, and the fact that you haven't been a jealous sort for the better part of your life should make returning to that state much easier than it would be for someone who has no frame of reference.

Try to be careful to watch your tongue and not react out of insecurity... share with him how you are feeling, and that you are working through these feelings, but need is patient support as you do. When you say the wrong thing or act out of emotion that you know is out of balance, simply apologize and don't forget to forgive yourself too. The pressure that we put on ourselves, and our unforgiveness over our own mistakes are weapons that no one can take out of our hands but ourselves.

Have you received professional counseling? Are you suffering from post traumatic stress disorder? I think there is another group here that you might check out if you are suffering with ptsd.



You are on the right track. Don't push him away out of fear or confusion. Make sure you take plenty of time and space for yourself so that you aren't just wrapping yourself up in him like a giant bandaid.

Thanks for the replies. I has a big conversation with my boyfriend about how I was feeling. I said I was worried that I would destroy the relationship or worse- change my personality completely. I said I trust him completely and I know he would never cheat on me but I can't help but think he would love me more if I were his ex girlfriend (which is stupid because he left her). I considered taking a break but its not really an option as in a few months were going to have to have a long distance relationship anyway (I'm moving to amsterdam for a year). I have been told by someone else on here that I may have Ptsd.
Its been 3 years since I went out with my abusive boyfriend, but I have only really started to deal with it now I feel comfortable and safe in my new relationship. I am really proud of myself that I have realised what is happening, but I don't know how to stop it.

Thanks for sharing this, I too tend to overly compare myself to boyfriend's ex's, it's a pattern I have. Maybe it comes from building our self identity and looking for sources as a reference. It sucks sucks sucks to feel that jealousy. Yes, a woman I attend a meeting with used to be w/ my ex and it is so hard for me to be around her because of the negative comparisons I put myself through.
I say take it easy on yourself. healing and growth take time.