Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I broke down. I've been No Contact about three weeks, though I didn't block my ex from my cell phone (he didn't know). After a couple weeks, he began calling my parents at odd hours, emailing my father, and threatening to call my work. I gave in and contacted him. I asked him to leave us alone and told him we could settle our differences in court. I officially blocked his number, and he emailed my father one last time, finally agreeing to settle out of court. His sister helped arrange a meeting at our old apartment, and I brought some family and a friend.
My ex's sister began with running the show, in a sense. She mediated the discussion and came across strongly. At first it annoyed me, at first I thought she was there to feed into his garbage. I kept my cool. Eventually he became a bit ridiculous. Eventually he stepped outside and his sister, for the first time, spoke to me that his family has known for a long time that he's had "problems."
It took me months of researching his behavior to come to the conclusion that he may have Borderline Personality Disorder. And here someone was FINALLY, after a year-and-a-half relationship with some months of something weird added on, after over a year of abusive behavior, and months after I tried to contact his family with questions (we were engaged) trying to both alert them and dumbfounded by his behavior I went ignored, FINALLY someone that's known him all his life tells me they know he's "sick."
I am having a very strange moment of clarity. I'm disappointed no one told me even though they knew. I'm disappointed no one contacted me when I was baffled by what was going on in our relationship and I made attempts to reach out. I watched his sister treat him like a trained animal, and he was mostly under control with her... Though he did have a raging moment where he nearly physically attacked my brother. His family is obviously aware this was a part of my life, yet they chose to ignore me when I reached out for help.
I feel a sense of relief finally having closure. I'm cranky that I could have reached this long ago, but at least I'm somewhere. I feel very sorry for him right now.
This doesn't change the fact he was a dick, though.
My ex's sister began with running the show, in a sense. She mediated the discussion and came across strongly. At first it annoyed me, at first I thought she was there to feed into his garbage. I kept my cool. Eventually he became a bit ridiculous. Eventually he stepped outside and his sister, for the first time, spoke to me that his family has known for a long time that he's had "problems."
It took me months of researching his behavior to come to the conclusion that he may have Borderline Personality Disorder. And here someone was FINALLY, after a year-and-a-half relationship with some months of something weird added on, after over a year of abusive behavior, and months after I tried to contact his family with questions (we were engaged) trying to both alert them and dumbfounded by his behavior I went ignored, FINALLY someone that's known him all his life tells me they know he's "sick."
I am having a very strange moment of clarity. I'm disappointed no one told me even though they knew. I'm disappointed no one contacted me when I was baffled by what was going on in our relationship and I made attempts to reach out. I watched his sister treat him like a trained animal, and he was mostly under control with her... Though he did have a raging moment where he nearly physically attacked my brother. His family is obviously aware this was a part of my life, yet they chose to ignore me when I reached out for help.
I feel a sense of relief finally having closure. I'm cranky that I could have reached this long ago, but at least I'm somewhere. I feel very sorry for him right now.
This doesn't change the fact he was a dick, though.
You escaped.
Good for you!!!!!!!
His family was
not going to
"deal" with your
inquiries
until everyone's
back was against
the wall. You're
actually fortunate
that you got
THIS much
out of them.
I'm so glad that
you're OUT.
Please take
good care
of yourself.
Sending you hugs
and healing wishes.
Say a prayer to whomever you hold dear daily that you dodged that bullet!
She's been in 10 mental hospitals. I knew she had a troubled childhood, but it wasn't until she was hospitalized again that I knew the extent. I'm upset that she wasn't more upfront with me about that in the beginning. But what makes me more upset is that her family members or friends did not try to reach out to me and say, "hey, I'm not trying to scare you away, but there is a pattern here and you are a good guy and we don't want to see you hurt. Here are some books and information that could help you." They all know her past. They know she has destroyed people. And here I was like a deer in the headlights - and nobody even tried to even point me into the right direction. Even when she was in the hospital, I'm upset that her dad or sister did not try and contact me and see how I was holding up, considering they lived that for two decades. And even now, she has an aunt that is constantly pushing for marriage and/or kids even though the aunt surely knows the violent and volatile behavior of my girlfriend.