Its pausing and spinning. What can I do to stop that?

Well ----- instead of clicking on the link, try copying and pasting the address into the url address box.

Or just go to YouTube and search "Ilene Wolf HEAL."

Or go to: www.emotionalheal.org and then
HEALing Along the Way page.

If none of those things help, let me know and I'll tap my tech connection. Let me know.

Becoming emotionally flat. I had never heard of that before, but I see I have done that as a survival tactic. Also not being able to really connect with other people. Two new things I learned just from watching one video. Very good. Thank you.

Very nice Ilene, I really enjoyed that. I could relate to a lot of symptoms discussed...thank you for the validation.

Oh, and you look terrific!!! :)

Yes thank you for posting. Your work is really validating and you were right on. a lot of times I'll see people say emotional and physical abusers but they are ALL emotional abusers and like you said it's just the tip of the iceberg.

I agree with Calm, you did look really nice. :-)

Good Job. I am emotionally flat, something new I learned.

Thank you so much for your responses.

I'm about to start a T.V. production course at the local public access studio. The shows I've appeared on over the last couple years, have been produced by others. Their invitations to me to appear, have afforded me the opportunity to gain a teeny bit o fease in front of the camera, but it's really just a beginning. (Thank you for your compliments on my appearance, as well. No small feat!!!!)

Regarding a flat affect as a result of abuse:

My mother would threaten to smack me, if it looked like I was about to cry about something she considerd trivial. Of course, anything that didn't rock her personal world, was totally trivial.

I find now, that I barely cry. Granted, happily I have less to cry about ----- but I suspect that the ability to produce tears is linked, very deep in my psyche, with the threat of violence and pain.

It's not just that we may begin to withhold the display of emotion as self-protection ----- as I learned to do, following the threat of physical abuse. It's also, as I just described above, that emotional expression becomes associated, deep within ourselves, with either something bad happening or with nothing at all good happening. Eventually, we accept that emotional expression is either unsafe or futile.

This is not a healthy consequence. Emotion is part of life. Emotional expression is a means to processing the emotions that we experience. Without one or both, we're not living a complete human existence.

Anyway, thank you for viewing and responding.

Much love.

I.

Thank you Ileen,
So much of what you said rang true for me. I liked how you talked about connecting our mind with our emotions through outlets such as music and art. I did that...I dove into my photography and digital art and now have an online portfolio. I also started posting songs that let me let out my emotions on my music therapy blog, I have many more songs to add to that. These things have helped tremendously in not only helping me heal but also taking my mind of the repetitive thoughts about abuse. Great piece, very informative, wish people would understand more.

Very good video Ilene. I too had been emotionally flat throughtout the dealing and healing process. My mother would do as yours would and thus I held back tears for decades. I was afraid to cry for whatever reasons, but when it did happen I found it naturally healing but I feared I wouldn't stop. Made me feel like I was dealing with many emotions all at once. Very scarey. Well I do cry today and for good reason. I laugh too and that's because I replaced the hurt with joy. It took me many years but well worth it.

thanks for all you do here at DS. I enjoy your site and will join as well. Yes you do look wonderful but something in your tone in your posts told me you are beautiful anyways. It's in your heart and soul. Thanks for making that video so others can see the impact emotional abuse has on everryone. Good information.

Enjoy your day,
Karasal

Regarding the issue of becoming emotionally flat, I had both parents who were very threatening if you were to become upset about anything. Then, in the seemingly opposite position, my husband was extremely threatened by anything that would make me happy. If I laughed or showed any enjoyment ever he would get very nasty in some way, either insulting me, or getting aggressive.. My daughter unfortunately has inherited some of her father's tendencies and seems threatened by my enjoyment or happiness at times and insults me telling me how stupid I look, etc. It's very sad. The man I recently broke up with would always be sure to ruin anything I tried/wanted to enjoy in very subtle ways and then would tell me my problem was that I just didn't WANT to enjoy life.

chanjohn -----

That's so sad, and yes ----- I've seen that, too. Lots of emotional abusers cannot tolerate the expression of emotion of any kind, the more intense, the more intolerant the abuser becomes.

It's so sick, so sad and so awful.

Thank you, allusernamestaken ----

You wrote:

I have noticed it alot tho, that he cant stand to see me really happy & laughing & enjoying myself. That's sooooooooo weird. What does he stand to gain by robbing me of joy????

Here's how I see it:

Abusers are damaged people, totally lacking in any ability to experience joy.

So ----- if THEY can't have it, sure as heck, nobody else is going to ----- least of all, YOU.

You've heard the phrase, JOY-KILLER?

That's them.

Also, with my ex-emotional abuser, the more intense his emotional state grew, the quieter he would get. My experience of abuse wasn't about yelling and screaming.

And guess what? He told me my laugh sounded like a cackle.

So ----- I've learned to love my cackle!!!!!!!!