I posted this earlier in my journal when I first joined DS. I have come a long way since the time I first posted this but at times I am still that girl, struggling, trying to find my way...

Theres this girl in the mirror, I wonder who she is.
Sometimes I think I know her and sometimes I wish I did.
There is a story in her eyes.....
When shes looking back at me I can tell...shes hurting inside

Sometimes it is so hard to look in that mirror and see that person looking back at me. At times I can't even look at her...I see a woman who is weak...a woman who is so sad...a woman who puts on a happy face for all the world to see while dying inside. A woman who has lost her way...who bit by bit lost that person she once was...who allowed another person to take away her self-worth...a person who told her so many times that she was worthless, fat and ugly...a person who called her terrible names...a person who told she was lucky to have him because no other man could ever love her....sadly the words tore at her heart and she began to believe them...she began to believe her life was nothing...she lived for others and forgot about herself...she allowed another person to call her names..spit on her...destroy her personal belongings....push her around.....she never fought back because she believed it was her fault he treated her the way he did...if she was a better wife...if she was prettier...if she was skinnier....he would love her more..he would treat her better....she tried everything to make him happy but no matter what she did it was never enough...then one day she came to realize that things would never change...he could break her down and take away a big part of who she once was but he can't take away her hope...her will to live a happier, healthier life....she will get there.....THAT WOMAN IN THE MIRROR IS ME AND EVEN THOUGH AT TIMES SHE DOES STRUGGLE I DO LOVE HER...she's alright!!


Since the first time I posted this I have found that strength and courage I needed to leave my marriage. I walked away from the person who did all he could to destroy me. It is a wonderful feeling to finally be me again. I am slowly rediscovering me and who I truly am and what I want in life. For the first time in a long time my life is my own. I never want to go back to living like that again. I never want to have another person make me feel that way. I would sooner be alone the rest of my life then to allow another man to tear me down like that. Most days are good and I am beginning to realize I am not all those terrible things that he wanted me to believe that I was but some days when things aren't going so well those words come back to haunt me and for a moment I begin to think maybe he was right but I fight back and I refuse to allow his words to continue to hurt me. I can now look in a mirror and smile at that girl looking back at me because for the first time in years her smile is real and she is slowly building that happier, healthier life she always deserved!!