Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group

Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.

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Confused2013 06/06/2013

So my mother in law (aka Monster In Law) sent an email to our email address that I got on my phone. It reads as follows. I guess I will be the blame of it all but then again I guess I shouldn't have expected anything less.................. Wish I didn't care so much what others thought!

From my MIL:
"So sorry & quite surprised to hear things are not working already for you guys. What did you do to bring it to this point again? You were great with the kids when you were here. They really are your life. So much patience.... I didn't know you had it in you. It looked like the family was going to stay together. You didn't mention or act as though there were problems. I love you all. You are not perfect....but who is? I see, your whole life is centered around watching out and taking care of your family. Even through rough times. Your happiness is not your priority. I guess, nowadays that not the norm unfortunately.
I am praying for you son. You do not deserve whats happening to your life. Please call if you need an ear to listen.
God Bless all
Love,
Mom

Confused2013 06/06/2013

I understand she is being a concerned parent but she knows I see the emails too. I know I shouldn't take this too literal, but it just hurts my heart to think how little people know about what goes on behind closed doors and I was never really one to air my business.

That is proof with my family and friends when all of this came out I was told "No one ever knew it was so bad".

Anyway, just doesn't feel good. Praying for a better day....

deleted_user 06/06/2013

I think it's odd in itself that a Mom would email her son about such a personal topic.

It's YOUR life, confused. YOU get to decide how you live it.

deleted_user 06/06/2013

Oh Lordy...my Ex MIL from my first did that. He could do no wrong. She defended what an outstanding man he was and wonderful father...as he blackened my eyes and punch the hell out of his kids.

What I came to realize is that it didn't matter what anyone else thought...I knew the truth. My sons are men now...they know too.

So before she died...she sat me down and said....I know what he did to you and what I did to make you feel horrible. I'm sorry. People know. Trust me...I'm a Mom and I know my sons in and out.

MyTrueColors 06/06/2013

Can you spell DENIAL?

Sadly blood is thicker than water & maybe the apple doesn't fall all that far from the tree....

To quote my therapist: "What others think of me is none of my business."

Please do not let MIL's manipulative words bother you. DELETE DELETE DELETE and NO CONTACT NO CONTACT NO CONTACT.

Can you block her email & texts from your phone & just let stbx get them?

Remember to always stand in your truth & you will shine!

ooooo 06/06/2013

"What did you do to bring it to this point again?"

That makes me want to throw up.

I feel for you. My parents are similar. It is VERY hard to deal with. All I can say is that some people will just never get it. Listen to the good people on here instead!!!

Confused2013 06/06/2013

Thanks guys! What I find funny is this is a woman who had no problem telling my husband in front of my kids how she wished she had another son because he did nothing for her. So MTC, you are right, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

Still just sucks.... BLAH DAY!

gem111 06/06/2013

Honestly, Confused,
I really, really had the mother in law from hell.
I got way farther with her ignoring her than if I had responded in any way. It would upset her horribly I wouldn't take the bait. She knew you would see that as she wanted you too, and I suspect she was pushing your buttons just for the simple pleasure to see you react. I wouldn't give her that pleasure.

momx3a 06/06/2013

So sorry confused!

Me ex's mother knew exactly how he was..even told me numerous times.."I don't know how you tolerate him or put up with him. No woman deserves that." YET..after I walked out..I'm the bad one and this is all my fault.

Please do not let her words get you down! I think the mothers of these guys don't want to realize what kind of son they really have.

MyTrueColors 06/06/2013

Confused, please don't give her your power. Make your day the best you can. Print out her nasty note and burn it... Send her up in smoke. She is nothing to you and what she says has no value. She is only a reflection of herself & her son.

Take good care of you. Be compassionate and gentle with yourself. Go do something nice for yourself, even if it's just to go for a walk in nature or go to the florist and inhale the fragrance of some beautiful flowers. :-)

Tamehau 06/06/2013

I am with MyTrue. OMG this sounds just like my x monster in law! This is her way of excusing his behavior. This is sugar coating!

Confused2013 06/06/2013

You are all right!

Livndadrem 06/06/2013

Never expect anyone on "his" side to be either supportive or understanding. Maybe someone will, but don't expect it, ever. He is how he is for a reason, and a part of that reason is likely to be his family of origin. So you should expect that his family will support him and take his "side" no matter what. You should also expect that he has told her a heap of lies and put on one helluva show for her, in order to get to this point where, if you really DO start taking steps to leave, she'll help him by trying to guilt you into staying. And it's possible she really does see things the way she says, because that's the life she lived too - and she didn't have the strength or the support or whatever to get out.

As always, know your own truth.

deleted_user 06/07/2013

Mil normally do defend their child - isn't that what you would do for your children? Maybe she doesn't know you see the emails also who knows. I'm sure she didn't write it just to hurt you or anything.

Tamehau 06/07/2013

I am not condemning all Mother-in-laws. I am a MIL. May DIL tells me all the time that she is grateful that I validate her feelings when she feels invalidated. My MIL was in a sick twisted fanasty world about his abuse even when he was abusing me in front of her. So it depends on how you read it I guess. To me the letter is stroking his ego and saying he's perfect so how can things not be working out.

Just my take though.

Confused2013 06/07/2013

Thank you!

If she was supportive and nice to me and even him for the last 20 years I might just think it was innocent but she is the devil herself a lot of times. I mean come on, what mother tells their son they are no good to them because they don't personally do things for her, that she wished she had another son, blah blah blah.

The evil witch told me once (wen she was drunk) that she was worried that I was going to take all of her and her sons money. Mind you, I was the only one working while my husband was in school at the time and never once asked her for a dime for my bills and we had been together for 5 years!!!

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