ltwist, so glad for you that you are feeling better and loving yourself, even if just for today! Your post read so much more hopeful and peaceful than I've seen most of the time. Hooray for you girl!

I'm not sure how old you are, but your post did bring to mind one observation I've noticed on here. Lots of people don't "hit the nail on the head" with what's going on regarding emotional abuse until 30s, 40's, and 50's. I think it's because it's so insidious, can be so tricky to pull yourself out of the funk you've been in for so long because your partner's been putting you down, making you "crazy", etc. In my case, the treatment felt normal. My wiring from childhood is to question myself, my own judgment, before questioning someone else's, and to repress anger inward, which has caused some depression and anxiety for me. Figuring out that we are not the problem I think takes some maturity and certainly doing something about the problem takes courage.

something about having some years behind us may make us realize life is not forever, and really question "do I really want to spend my life feeling this way?" I tried to work on this issue at 25, and 30, and thought I had it all figured out when I married my husband at 31. His abuse is a different flavor than my ex's was, but abuse nonetheless.

the difference for me now is I am educating myself about this, and I will be in NO hurry to get in a relationship again (except with myself, lol) when I get out of this one. No biological clock ticking, no financial dependence for me ever again, I'm already practically a single mom so that shouldn't be a big change. I talk to myself regularly, I admit it! It helps, a lot! I smile at myself in the mirror and tell myself I am a beautiful soul and I'm happy to be in my own company. It makes my heart feel happy. I know I sound like a crazy person but I hope you and other people on this board "get it!" So good for you for feeling good in your own skin. : )

Daydreamer, you might be the sister I never had. We very much had the same thoughts growing up. I guess in some ways we all have the same wiring.

BTW...I'm beginning 50's. A late bloomer! Always have been.

Oh and yes I think I too may finally be on the path (nervous to even print this) to "getting it."

You are incredibly strong and extremely wise. Life if going to get goof for you Daydreamer...much better things to come with your attitude, insight and outlook.

Keep being strong.

A lovely thought, ltwist. Thank you for sharing. I'm happy for you. :-)

twist, I am happy for you.
I am hoping someday to be confident too.
My plans for the evening cancelled so I decided to take myelf out to dinner. I had a book and papers with me... (no one saw the title but it was the self esteem workbook)... I was writing and reading as I ate. A man about 20 years older than, who was there with most likely his grandchild, stopped at my table as he left. He asked, "Are you taking an important test?" and then wished me good luck....
I realized that I am trying so hard to fix something that even strangers may see my intensity....
I hope someday my intensity pays off. I am 45 and have no children and right now feel as though I will never bloom.....
I pray that some day I can go to bed and realize that I am ok.....
Bless you and keep on going!

Thanks for your thoughts, Itwist. I am one of those with kids and have been taking babysteps away from him and the insanity for 5 years now. It never seems to end. But I always have this tiny kernel of hope inside that things will get better one day. I needed to hear this today. I am also a late bloomer in life, always have been, but there's not a thing wrong with that! By the time I arrive somewhere, at least I know that's where I really want to be! I talked briefly with another single mother this morning. She said that she has now been away from her sons' father for 10 years and she fought hard for most of those years. She said that, just now, she's starting to see the fruits of all of her efforts and most of the bad is behind her. So, I got two nice messages today that encourage me to keep on going!

I'm glad that you're feeling strong.

Aww... cool post :)

It is true, there is hope for us all. I am realising just how true that is, day by day.

So glad you are having these feelings! You so deserve them, as does everyone who is going through and has gone through this kind of hell.

Hugs and peace xx

I am also finally finding me. Until now I've always lived with someone else. I had my children with me from 1974 through 2008... then still had this man with me until three months ago.

He dominated my home... even though I paid all rent and utilities, he felt entitled to take over my living room, dining room, one bedroom (that I wanted for an art studio - it became his storage room) and eventually my office too. I was living only in my bedroom where I moved my office equipment and artist supplies and easel. Tight quarters, but it felt like a place of safety. It wasn't - he also burst in there to berate me whenever he felt like it.

Anyhow, now I'm living alone for the first time in my life... spreading out into a beautiful two bedroom apartment.... doing things I want to do without anyone questioning me or insulting me. I can live much more happily without the criticism. I can invite people into my home again ... no longer is my living room looking like a dark, depressing miner's cabin - that he refused to change. He kept ugly blankets over all the windows, winter and summer... never would allow the sunshine in.

I'm very happy with my solitude, and have made a lot of friends in only three months, so if I want company I know where to find it. Just yesterday a friend suggested lunch and a shopping spree in a couple of second-hand stores. It was fun!

AWESOME!!!!!!!!!

Good for you Itwist. Thank you so much for sharing.
I am so happy you are this far along already. You have set your sights on the future and I am so proud of you!!!!

Janaaee,
Thank you also for sharing. I am happy for you too.
I also am also single and wouldn't have it any other way.

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS TO BOTH))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

You are all an inspiration. I was abused as a child and then went straight into a marriage with a narcissist so I have never NOT been someone's victim until three weeks ago when I told my husband he was to move out. I am almost 50 and don't even know who I am or anything about myself and I am having fun figuring it all out. Like someone else said...my husband or anyone who would ask how I was doing might be surprised at my answer...."Great!" It must have been worse than I think because although divorce and separation usually cause trauma for children, I still have younger ones and they said their dad leaving has not negatively affected them at all. I don't know if they will feel differently toward the holidays..we will see. But that says something.