Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
Ok, I hate to ask this as it's lengthy and I feel so insecure and weak at this point, but after months of NC on my end other than asking about a mower for my dad and trying to keep emotions out of play on my end, and I am talking since last December, I got sucked back in. I let my walls down a bit and unblocked him on facebook and my phone, thinking well he moved on anyway so he won't contact me..well he did and after the confusing voicemail that went :
Hey( *nickname he calls me) it's _____ and uh, you need to answer your phone, you know that thing they make for talking to people, it works a lot better when you answer it. I was thinking we could just start fresh like a duck. Cmon, you know I am easy to talk to about anything. Ok, well, give me a call. You know I am not much into texting. Call me. I'll be here waiting. I'll be waiting.
I let that go for a few days and I couldn't stand it, he got to me. I mean HOW does someone ignore you after a breakup for that long and then just pop back into your life with a simple voice mail saying, uh lets just start fresh like a duck? Also he is not easy to talk to, if we could of communicated, we would still be together.
So..I wrote to him on facebook. I am not friends with him, but I can write to him.
I got your voicemail. It was confusing. ____ said your dating someone and were happy with her. In all the time I have known you (approx. 4 yrs) you told me you would most likely never see happiness. Then I find out you found someone who gave you that. See why I am confused.
He answered the next morning:
Well, that's what you get for listening to others instead of asking me. I wonder who the girl is? _____ (signed his name (like I wouldn't know who he was..duh)
So I waited, like he did and answered the next day:
I did not ask, the information was volunteered. I would assume ____ would know who she was. _____(signing my name just to be a smart ass)
Him: I believe nothing I hear and half of what I actually see. They are words to live by. Try it and you'll find your life with a few less worries. Come on why would you not just ask ____ (my nickname here, which for some reason irritated the shit out of me!)
*ok now I am mad and defensive, like he was being arrogant and thinking I was jealous. I had asked his friend simply if he was ok physically as he is an addict and besides his drug use, he drives recklessly and just in the last time we were together, wrecked his car twice. I had also been told he was having financial difficulty with his new business. Again, the new girl he was *tapping* as it was put, was volunteered and the financial problems were volunteered. Ugh.
Me: I had only asked if you were physically ok as I worry about your driving due to you doing such things as going in ditches and wrecking your car and speeding, my bad for worrying..your like Gotti..Teflon. Things bounce off you. I am learning to believe less as people tend to be dishonest (that was aimed at him) and just because I am honest does not mean others will be.As for asking about who your seeing, was not my business, so why would I ask? My name is _____ or ____.
(that was a you will respect me enough to call me by my proper name)
Again, I was probably too emotional to have written and came across as defensive, but its done.
I noticed he read it the morning after his last call, with no voice left. No reply to this message and has not called since. Or replied.
So I can't stand the no closure crap..my best attempt at closure was this last facebook message 5 days later, which he read the next morning and after I unblocked him after blocking him for 4 days out of frustration. I don't know if he isn't noticing that I block him or if the whole blocking thing is funny to him and he thinks its a game?
My last message:
I was always honest with you so your believe nothing you hear and half of what you see does not apply to me. I suppose one day you will value something in life besides money. ( I so wish I would of put dope here, but I would of been sinking to a low level I guess, just so disappointed in what he pretended to be vs what he turned out to be :( )
Take care of yourself.
He read it the next morning.
No reply. It was read the last day of sept and no reply yet. I have not blocked him yet and why...no idea.
It has been almost 4 years I have been on this rollercoaster, waiting for a miracle. For a man that I met online who lied about who he was, what he did, about his past, his addictions, even to the fact of saying he hadn't had children because he hadn't found the right woman yet and I found out he was snipped, yet he told me he wanted to adopt, like I did. Has even shown me foster care paperwork, but sells drugs and has had 3 different businesses and 2 different majors and won't complete college because they drug test, how could he ever have children ?
He claims to have OCD, ADD, Tourettes..and yet I can't find any proof of any of this.
Why can't I let it go? Why do I think he will ever be the person he pretended to be? That he will get clean? Stop lying?
I am the biggest fool ....these letters prove it.
Feeling like total shit today.
I apologize for my cussing, just hurting.
Hey( *nickname he calls me) it's _____ and uh, you need to answer your phone, you know that thing they make for talking to people, it works a lot better when you answer it. I was thinking we could just start fresh like a duck. Cmon, you know I am easy to talk to about anything. Ok, well, give me a call. You know I am not much into texting. Call me. I'll be here waiting. I'll be waiting.
I let that go for a few days and I couldn't stand it, he got to me. I mean HOW does someone ignore you after a breakup for that long and then just pop back into your life with a simple voice mail saying, uh lets just start fresh like a duck? Also he is not easy to talk to, if we could of communicated, we would still be together.
So..I wrote to him on facebook. I am not friends with him, but I can write to him.
I got your voicemail. It was confusing. ____ said your dating someone and were happy with her. In all the time I have known you (approx. 4 yrs) you told me you would most likely never see happiness. Then I find out you found someone who gave you that. See why I am confused.
He answered the next morning:
Well, that's what you get for listening to others instead of asking me. I wonder who the girl is? _____ (signed his name (like I wouldn't know who he was..duh)
So I waited, like he did and answered the next day:
I did not ask, the information was volunteered. I would assume ____ would know who she was. _____(signing my name just to be a smart ass)
Him: I believe nothing I hear and half of what I actually see. They are words to live by. Try it and you'll find your life with a few less worries. Come on why would you not just ask ____ (my nickname here, which for some reason irritated the shit out of me!)
*ok now I am mad and defensive, like he was being arrogant and thinking I was jealous. I had asked his friend simply if he was ok physically as he is an addict and besides his drug use, he drives recklessly and just in the last time we were together, wrecked his car twice. I had also been told he was having financial difficulty with his new business. Again, the new girl he was *tapping* as it was put, was volunteered and the financial problems were volunteered. Ugh.
Me: I had only asked if you were physically ok as I worry about your driving due to you doing such things as going in ditches and wrecking your car and speeding, my bad for worrying..your like Gotti..Teflon. Things bounce off you. I am learning to believe less as people tend to be dishonest (that was aimed at him) and just because I am honest does not mean others will be.As for asking about who your seeing, was not my business, so why would I ask? My name is _____ or ____.
(that was a you will respect me enough to call me by my proper name)
Again, I was probably too emotional to have written and came across as defensive, but its done.
I noticed he read it the morning after his last call, with no voice left. No reply to this message and has not called since. Or replied.
So I can't stand the no closure crap..my best attempt at closure was this last facebook message 5 days later, which he read the next morning and after I unblocked him after blocking him for 4 days out of frustration. I don't know if he isn't noticing that I block him or if the whole blocking thing is funny to him and he thinks its a game?
My last message:
I was always honest with you so your believe nothing you hear and half of what you see does not apply to me. I suppose one day you will value something in life besides money. ( I so wish I would of put dope here, but I would of been sinking to a low level I guess, just so disappointed in what he pretended to be vs what he turned out to be :( )
Take care of yourself.
He read it the next morning.
No reply. It was read the last day of sept and no reply yet. I have not blocked him yet and why...no idea.
It has been almost 4 years I have been on this rollercoaster, waiting for a miracle. For a man that I met online who lied about who he was, what he did, about his past, his addictions, even to the fact of saying he hadn't had children because he hadn't found the right woman yet and I found out he was snipped, yet he told me he wanted to adopt, like I did. Has even shown me foster care paperwork, but sells drugs and has had 3 different businesses and 2 different majors and won't complete college because they drug test, how could he ever have children ?
He claims to have OCD, ADD, Tourettes..and yet I can't find any proof of any of this.
Why can't I let it go? Why do I think he will ever be the person he pretended to be? That he will get clean? Stop lying?
I am the biggest fool ....these letters prove it.
Feeling like total shit today.
I apologize for my cussing, just hurting.
Whoohoo go you! Totally right. That's one of the things that struck me here, because he was asking you not to trust yourself but trust him instead. TYPICAL ABUSE TACTIC. It's brainwashing.
Stinks you are feeling so low. Please don't blame yourself because this guy is really manipulative and that's just what they do.
If not, which I totally understand all I have to say is I know your pain. We can't presume to believe if these men are going to change or not, but what we can do is find our right to be happy. Your not gonna move on if your still in contact. I know because this shit is happening to me too. I can't seem to constantly wonder and 2nd guess myself, because of all the good things he did. They do have a good side, that's why we got interested in the first place. But what you fell in love with was an illusion of who you wanted him to be.
You need to see him for who he is now. Your life won't start until you move forward.
I went back to my 1st husband after being separated for 9 months, and I ended up divorcing him anyway, he was an addict but not heavy drugs, he just couldn't stop smoking pot. I didn't want this for my kids future. My kids deserved better than this. I was married to him for 10 years, and 7 of those 10 he was a truck driver and was NEVER home, he gambled he had a problem with that, and I would have to rush to the ATM to beat him and pull the money out to pay the rent, just to have a roof over my head for my kids. It got so ridiculous, I left him when I was 5 months pregnant with my now (11 year old daugther) BEST DECISION I EVER MADE. I hear he is still a bum in the street, it's really sad.
So, my life went on, yours can too. Don't ever apologize for the length of your posts, or reaching out, or feeling sad, mad, depressed you have the right just as anyone else here on this board. If you'll take a look I have about 10 posts on here, sometimes they get answered sometimes they don't, I don't care I use this room to my advantage. I know someone is going to relate to something I say, somehow someway, we are all compassionate here we are not abusers, we will embrace you, we (some of us further along than others) have been there, and me I'm still going through it too, so you just go ahead cry, kick, scream, complain, write in your journal it will help do whatever you have to do to get through this. We are here to support you.
Your not a fool, you became a victim of someone else's idea of a dysfunctional relationship. He knew when he met you he could twist everything around to suit his ego. He knows what he is doing, don't for a minute think he doesn't. They are calculating, he goes off and talks to this other girl, to filll the void, until you tell him o.k., I believe. These guys can't be alone because they need women to validate their low self esteem, and who they are as men and to sexually satisfy them only to be discarded as if she is just a toy. When he gets what he wants, he goes to the next, how does that make you feel special?? I'm sorry I don't mean to sound harsh, I am with you in your pain, hugs!!! You will get through this.
He will always hurt you. He will never give you closure. He will never change. That's why you need to do no contact, in order to protect yourself.
It isn't nine months down the drain though. You've been given a reminder of why you need to not contact him. Hopefully it will help you continue with no contact?
You are not the problem; he is. Until you block him like a toxic gas, he will keep making things unhealthy for you. If other people volunteer information to you, tell them you don`t want to know any more.
His holding out on you and his lies are his business. You need to get better, and he can't help you do that. He can only poison things.
I`m sorry :( More hugs xxx
My spouse claimed at one time that he had liver cancer. He did not. He even told our children this. He just wanted us to feel sorry for him and I guess let him treat us any way he liked....because after all....he was dying.
They're all the same.
Change your phone number as well!
It hurts deeply knowing I have no value.