So its been a while since I posted and I've been doing pretty good about not engaging with him since we separated. He's spent weeks blowing up my phone alternating between guilt games and trying to hurt me. Last night I made a mistake.... the kids wanted him to come over and play Uno with us. I told them that it wouldn't hurt anything and we could invite him if they wanted me to. I invited him and he said he would have come if he hadn't made plans to go bowling with some friends from work. So i said ok and was honestly thinking it was probably for the best that he didn't come. Later on in the evening I got a message from a friend that he was over at my single best friends house. I debated on how I felt about it and what to do. Mostly I felt angry because he'd spent all this time declaring his love to me and making me feel so bad and guilty about leaving. He'd accused me of cheating pretty much every other day and still insisted that he knew that I was seeing someone (I'm actually not. I can't bear the thought of letting someone else hurt me like this). So I come up with the bright idea of letting him know that I knew he was there. In hopes that if he got caught he would leave me alone and stop harassing me so much and when the day came that I wanted see someone maybe he wouldn't give me a hard time about it. WRONG. I drove by and they were out in the yard. He immediately started texting me telling me there was nothing going on. He was there because he got pumpkins for her kids and was just dropping them off. He'd already been there two hours before I decided to drive by. I just told him that i didn't care but I wnted him to stop blowing up my phone telling me he still loved me and accusing me of seeing people. Now I'm suddenly the bad guy because how dare I accuse him of doing something when he was just doing something nice for her. He wont ever go anywhere again and he wont have friends anymore he'll just greive himself to death in our old house. How can my husband turn this around on me? SUCCESSFULLY?! and he has. I've spent all morning sobbing and crying until I'm sick because he just has no emtions. He came to get our little boy this morning and looked at me with no feeling in his eyes and said "Doesn't feel good does it". So not only did he hurt me but he ruined my friendship (which apparently wasn't much of one to begin with). So I made a HUGE mistake by going by there last nigth and trying to plaly his game. I still ended up losing. Now I can't undo it and I'm going to have to keep listening to is. Why am I so hurt by all this? I really don't want to be with him anymore but I'm so heartbroken. I think because i've been in therapy and I've learned to separate out the manipulation and there's just SO MUCH MORE of it than I ever dreamed. It hurts to think that he never loved me and there was never anyway we would work out. I just don't understand why he can look at me and one minute tell me that he loves me but the next feel like I deserved this. I was never good enough. Never clean enough. Never worked hard enough. I was never enough. He once even yelled at me because I told his friends he was a good guy and helped me around the house. How dare I brag about how lazy I get to be. I'm so angry and hurt and part of me wants him to come through the door and hug me and tell me he's going to be ok but the other part just wants to hit him and not stop. How much hurt can he possibly put me through?