Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
somehow, my sister, dad, and i got on the subject of relationships and dating. my sister started talking about how all my boyfriends have hurt me. (emotionally, as in each relationship ended badly. none of them were abusive.)
my first boyfriend was in high school. we dated for 6 years. we were serious. we were talking about getting married,etc. i switched schools. he stopped calling. it was as if i had fallen off the planet or something. but every time we talked, he said he still loved me, wanted to marry me, etc. then, senior prom came around, and he broke up with me. what made it worse was that this was after i had explained to a very dear friend that i already had a boyfriend and that i couldn't date him. it took me a long time to get over him. i really loved him.
my second boyfriend was ryan. he and i met on the bus and talked for a year or so every day. then, he showed up in my college skills 100 class. he asked me out. told me he couldn't stop thinking about me since the day we met... for a while, he was INCREDIBLE. a perfect gentleman, loving, affectionate, never looked at me differently because of my disability. then, he became distant. in front of his friends, i was his friend. we could only be a couple when we were alone. i felt like he was ashamed of me. whenever i wanted to go out, he always had an excuse. after finals, we fought and i broke up with him.
my last boyfriend was a friend i had met online in a close-knit community. i know a lot of people there and so did he. we talked for a couple years before dating. he told me he loved me. he wanted to come visit me. he couldn't imagine being with anyone else, etc. around christmas, he broke up with me and later said that he had lied. he never loved me, etc. personally, i think he let his family have too much say in our relationship...
so my question is: am i ATTRACTING these men? do i have "easy mark" invisibly tatooed on my head? or is it them? i don't really get it.
my first boyfriend was in high school. we dated for 6 years. we were serious. we were talking about getting married,etc. i switched schools. he stopped calling. it was as if i had fallen off the planet or something. but every time we talked, he said he still loved me, wanted to marry me, etc. then, senior prom came around, and he broke up with me. what made it worse was that this was after i had explained to a very dear friend that i already had a boyfriend and that i couldn't date him. it took me a long time to get over him. i really loved him.
my second boyfriend was ryan. he and i met on the bus and talked for a year or so every day. then, he showed up in my college skills 100 class. he asked me out. told me he couldn't stop thinking about me since the day we met... for a while, he was INCREDIBLE. a perfect gentleman, loving, affectionate, never looked at me differently because of my disability. then, he became distant. in front of his friends, i was his friend. we could only be a couple when we were alone. i felt like he was ashamed of me. whenever i wanted to go out, he always had an excuse. after finals, we fought and i broke up with him.
my last boyfriend was a friend i had met online in a close-knit community. i know a lot of people there and so did he. we talked for a couple years before dating. he told me he loved me. he wanted to come visit me. he couldn't imagine being with anyone else, etc. around christmas, he broke up with me and later said that he had lied. he never loved me, etc. personally, i think he let his family have too much say in our relationship...
so my question is: am i ATTRACTING these men? do i have "easy mark" invisibly tatooed on my head? or is it them? i don't really get it.
I dont know what kind of environment you had, but I too am now looking back and trying to figure out how my relationships always seem to develope these patterns, and how to break that pattern.
Predators can sniff out people who can be manipulated.
You wrote:
my sister started talking about how all my boyfriends have hurt me. (emotionally, as in each relationship ended badly. none of them were abusive.)
Abuse is not merely about drawing blood.
You wrote:
we talked for a couple years (on line) before dating. he told me he loved me.
Someone who can profess "love" on the basis of an on-line connection isn't for real.
You ask:
am i ATTRACTING these men? do i have "easy mark" invisibly tatooed on my head? or is it them?
Like a predator in the wild, abusers "smell blood" and go in for the capture.
You could probably benefit from counseling that would help you develop a predator detector, so you could be more aware of
who's a potential predator, before they sniff out YOU.
Jas ----- it's not that there's something wrong with you. But
predators can detect someone whom they can potentially
manipulate. You will benefit yourself and your future by
developing an "abuse detector" so that you'll be able to
avoid predators in the future, before they get close
enough to attach you to them.
my dad knows a couple who met online and they are now married and have been for several years. an internet meeting does not equal an "unrealistic" or otherwise "fake" relationship. i met 2 of my closest friends online. just because communication is acheived differently, that doesn't mean that feelings aren't authentic. i love angela and mindy in the same capacity that i love my other friends i met at school or through otherwise "normal" means. thanks for the advice.-fallon
Friendship is different, the physical attraction, the deep emotions involved in a love relationship don't enter in. I have met and made many of my closest friends on this site, but a love relationship with someone would require much more than is required of my friends or of me for them.
Rereading what I said, I see that it's possible I misunderstood. I think I may have been under the impression that he told you he loved you after talking on-line.