Welcome back! I think this man sees the goodness in you that you aren't able to see in yourself at the moment. Sadly, that is one of the horrible effects of the abuse.

Even though you aren't currently in an abusive relationship, you are still entitled to contact your local shelter and participate in their programs like free support groups and referrals to qualified abuse & trauma recovery therapists.

There is hope for recovery and your healing. You don't have to feel like this forever. Please seek the help from a qualified therapist. And if the first one doesn't help, don't give up. Not all therapists understand the dynamics of abuse and not all of them have the training to guide you thru the healing process. So please keep looking.

The right therapist will help you rebuild your self-esteem, teach you how to honor & express your feelings and guide you thru healing the trauma caused by the abuse so that you will see yourself as the beautiful deserving person you are!

~healing hugs~

Yea.. I have always been afraid of reaching out to people and trying to get help.. At one point, I mustered up the courage to attempt to make an appointment with a Mental Health facility, but I was met with a voice-mail, in which I left my Information and my reference from my general doctor, and never received a call back.. I know it seems like a lame excuse, but reaching out is extremely difficult for me.

Sorry for the issues you are having.

I'd say that it's not really fair for your current BF to be saddled with being responsible for your self esteem.

I'd suggest taking a step back from your current relationship to work on yourself. If he's really a good guy, he'll understand.

Being in a relationship that's charged with fear, even if from a past situation is not good.

I'd call that other place and make an appointment asap.

Hugs.

Hon -----

What you're experiencing
is sadly all too usual, after
an abusive relationship
has ended.

In regards to your present
partner, you wrote:

Usually, he is able to convince me that everything is okay.

This is sweet and sounds
so positive, but in fact, the
reality is that everything is
NOT okay.

You are in deep, persistent pain
and until that pain and
emotional injury is treated,
neither you, nor even this
promising relationship,
is okay.

Just a guesss, but is my
hunch that your family of
origin was no day at the
beach correct?

If I'm right ---- you . . . (like
many of us here) . . . . .
grew up in the midst of
some degree of dysfunction.

If I'm right ---- it's not because
I'm a psychic (though I do
have a pretty finely honed
sense of intuition). It's
because the profile of
someone who becomes
involved in an abusive
intimate relationship
suggests a set up in
childhood to find
dysfunction and abuse
familiar and to settle for
and settle into an abusive
relationship because
it echoes the circumstances
in which we were raised.

If this is the case it's
especially important
for you to find and
work (long-term),
with a therapist whose
specialty is recovery
from abuse.

If you continue as
you are, with no
intervention, your
current relationship
may suffer from the
consequences of
your untreated
depression (and
other assorted
emotional injuries).

That would be
so very, very sad. . .
wouldn't it?

It's obvious how much
he cares about you but
it's not your current
partner's responsibility
to help repair you. . . .
only to share his energy
and support with you.

Please don't lay the
whole burden of your
past experiences on
his shoulders.

You're an adult and your
past (and healing the
wounds from those times),
are Your responsibility now.

It's possible that your
reluctance to reach out
for help is the result of
having heard messages
telling you you shouldn't
hang your "dirty laundry"
out in public. That's a
common message that
dysfunctional families
perpetrate, to keep the
dark secrets of their
dysfunction private.

The consequence
of that is that entire
generations are
doomed to life-long
suffering. The right
counselor is like the
right oncologist or
a skilled cardiologist.
She or he can be the
difference between
feeling miserable
part or all of the time
and feeling bouyant
most of the time.

Here's the number
for your state's
women's resources:

804.377.0335

Try calling during
business hours
and please don't
give up without
first sharing with
someone there
what you've
shared with us.

In regards to being
in a new relationship
"too soon" ------

I'm also of the opinion
that until you're more
healed than you are,
it would have been
wise to hold off.

But you are where
you are. It sounds
like this guy has
many wonderful
qualities. He'll
likely be happy
that you're reaching
out and possibly
setting up to work
with a therapist.
(If he's not actively
happy, hopefully
he's at least
tolerant.) It sounds
like he wants you
to be well and wants
the relationship to
continue. If that's
the case, he'll
support your
decision to try
to address your
unhappiness.

You wrote:

If I can't like anything about me, how could anyone else?

This is the very message
that your ex-abuser intended
to implant in your soul and
leave you with. The reality
is that it was a manipulative
lie, like everything else he said.

Another reality is that
if you can't love yourself,
your ability to love others
is seriously impaired,
because loving ourself
is where the ability to
love beyond ourself
begins.

Please call that number
and begin your healing
journey.

Did you ever hear the
AA piece of wisdom
that simply not drinking
alcohol does not mean
a person is "cured"?
Not drinking alcohol
is just the first step.

Not being with your
ex-abuser is obviously
a very good thing, but
that was the first baby
step on the road to
recovery. Now you
need to take the
next steps. Please
call that number
and go from there.

Sending you hugs
and wishes for
healing and recovery.