Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
So yesterday I was sitting there thinking of how much I truely let \"him\" walk all over me.
He got a lawyer for his \"abuse\" against me and he got a bill in the mail for over $1,000!!!!
When he was given his divorce papers he \"talked me out of it.\"
He stated \"I can not afford another lawyer, a divorce lawyer.\"
I am always the one feeling sorry for him and did not follow through with it.
Now he is paying OUR money on a lawyer for kicking MY ASS and I am just supposed to continue being the victim!
This is so messed up!
I did not see it then, but now I do and I am furious with this situation, I just want to stop being used and I want to have something in life and I want my children to have something in life.
He has no respect for life and mine is nothing to him, I am just another possesion of his!
I did not see this before because I was so blind for wanting love, was not concerned of fairness.
Now I am wanting to be treated fairly because I know that I matter to!
Why should my hopes and dreams be washed away over a man that just wants to use me?
Now I feel like I am stuck once again and continue to feel sorry for him if I just ditched him and I will have so many bills to pay and I bought a house with him!
Why did I let myself be so blind to the situation?
I did not love myself or care about myself.
Today I do!
I care about me and feel that I do matter and my thoughts and feelings and life is and are important and the person who is supposed to love me would not hurt me~ choke me, hit me, verbally abuse me.....isolate me, make me feel worthless.
I used to think that it was me who was at fault because I never got an \"Im sorry\"
or even acknowledge that something happened.
Usually his excuse is \"That happened? I dont remember that\"
and I used to take it as an answer and now I am angry at the fact that someone could \"forget\" beating the shit out of thier wife and leaving her basically for dead. And I want his love and affection? Why would I care or want someone like that to love me?????
God created me to enjoy life and to be full of joy. This type of sacrifice is not the kind of selfless act that I believe in anyone.
He does not love me, he is a lier and cheater and a no good person.
I have saw good in him and he can be a charmer and I always looked forward for the \"good times.\"
There is no good times anymore.
There will always be bad times and I need to get out.
I need to get my daughter out he is brain washing her now.
She loves him and she is too young to see how his behavior is wrong and she is just wanting him to love her and give her attention.
And he acts more like the child.
I want freedom from this.
Jesus set me free years ago; before I was born; and now I have spent my life~ so many years of my life` with a controlling ass hole that does not let me live.
This is no longer in my being to want to work this out even though it is so hard for me to just turn and walk away.
I will have to leave my house behind and I am not really concerned about that it is just a possesion, but the finacial burden that comes with it is what I was trying to avoid.
I wanted to be able to have a clean slate after this was over so that I could 1 day have a normal life and home for my family.
But I am just going to have to be hurt and know that it will only last for awhile and there will be something better on the other side. It might take awhile to see, but it will be there~ light at the end of the tunnel~ faith in the unseen! I have been there before and I need to quit being scarred and just leave and be done!
Why is it so much easier to say than to do?????
He got a lawyer for his \"abuse\" against me and he got a bill in the mail for over $1,000!!!!
When he was given his divorce papers he \"talked me out of it.\"
He stated \"I can not afford another lawyer, a divorce lawyer.\"
I am always the one feeling sorry for him and did not follow through with it.
Now he is paying OUR money on a lawyer for kicking MY ASS and I am just supposed to continue being the victim!
This is so messed up!
I did not see it then, but now I do and I am furious with this situation, I just want to stop being used and I want to have something in life and I want my children to have something in life.
He has no respect for life and mine is nothing to him, I am just another possesion of his!
I did not see this before because I was so blind for wanting love, was not concerned of fairness.
Now I am wanting to be treated fairly because I know that I matter to!
Why should my hopes and dreams be washed away over a man that just wants to use me?
Now I feel like I am stuck once again and continue to feel sorry for him if I just ditched him and I will have so many bills to pay and I bought a house with him!
Why did I let myself be so blind to the situation?
I did not love myself or care about myself.
Today I do!
I care about me and feel that I do matter and my thoughts and feelings and life is and are important and the person who is supposed to love me would not hurt me~ choke me, hit me, verbally abuse me.....isolate me, make me feel worthless.
I used to think that it was me who was at fault because I never got an \"Im sorry\"
or even acknowledge that something happened.
Usually his excuse is \"That happened? I dont remember that\"
and I used to take it as an answer and now I am angry at the fact that someone could \"forget\" beating the shit out of thier wife and leaving her basically for dead. And I want his love and affection? Why would I care or want someone like that to love me?????
God created me to enjoy life and to be full of joy. This type of sacrifice is not the kind of selfless act that I believe in anyone.
He does not love me, he is a lier and cheater and a no good person.
I have saw good in him and he can be a charmer and I always looked forward for the \"good times.\"
There is no good times anymore.
There will always be bad times and I need to get out.
I need to get my daughter out he is brain washing her now.
She loves him and she is too young to see how his behavior is wrong and she is just wanting him to love her and give her attention.
And he acts more like the child.
I want freedom from this.
Jesus set me free years ago; before I was born; and now I have spent my life~ so many years of my life` with a controlling ass hole that does not let me live.
This is no longer in my being to want to work this out even though it is so hard for me to just turn and walk away.
I will have to leave my house behind and I am not really concerned about that it is just a possesion, but the finacial burden that comes with it is what I was trying to avoid.
I wanted to be able to have a clean slate after this was over so that I could 1 day have a normal life and home for my family.
But I am just going to have to be hurt and know that it will only last for awhile and there will be something better on the other side. It might take awhile to see, but it will be there~ light at the end of the tunnel~ faith in the unseen! I have been there before and I need to quit being scarred and just leave and be done!
Why is it so much easier to say than to do?????
You asked why it is so much easier to say than do. Easy, because it's not easy to do. It is difficult and if you leave thinking that suddenly everything will be better, you will fail and return to the same abuse. Let me add to that, IT IS WORTH IT.
After six weeks--I'm still emotionally a wreck and financially screwed. I know that my life is gradually improving though. I am healing. I know that I will not be beat today or tomorrow. I know that I will never again have to live under his abuse. My children will never be subjected to that again. I will be able to help them heal and together we will build a better life.
It's a tough road but you have the strength to do it!
God does not want his precious treasures abused.
I'm so sorry for your pain.
It's hard to up and walk away, but it can be done.
Connect with your local women's center. They're there to help you.
Do it for your daughter.
Do it for yourself.
Get yourself and your daughter away from this abuser.
You sound very wise. I believe strongly you've got what it takes to make this happen.
Save your lives!!!!!
Get out. Start a new life.
Take good care of yourself and your baby.
Be well!!!!
Ilene