Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
So, from 2004-2008 husband hit me. I still loved him, but I was tiring of his ability to quit. It wasn't all the time, but it was enough to upset me. Then I find a wonderful man and lived with him for over a year. Had a relationship with him for a year and a half. I got back together with my husband when we broke up. I do not like to be alone, but since getting back together with my husband, I have been unhappy. He has stopped hitting me all together and has not hurt me for years, he tries to be nice and love me no matter what. I just have trouble finding those old feelings of love again... am I a bad person? Should I leave?
If you cannot feel love towards your husband, I am not at all surprised, after the way he treated you.
It may be scary being alone, but it can't be any better being stuck with someone you don't love who has mistreated you, right?
The previous abuse is WAY reason enough for you to leave him if you want to. But it must be your decision.
The fact that you are here tells me you know that what he did before is still wrong. Just because he appears to be trying to be nice to you, it does not mean you 'have' to do anything for him in return!
Stay here with us and talk about it until you have your own decision clear in your mind (hug) xx
In order to have a healthy relationship w/another person, we must first have a healthy relationship with ourselves.
I take that to mean the following:
*we cannot truly love or be loved until we first truly love ourselves
*we cannot be w/another person until we can be w/ourselves
*we can only make ourselves happy - no one else can do that
*no one else can 'fill the holes' or make us feel whole - only we can do that for ourselves
So my suggestion is you don't have to make a decision right now. Instead get some therapy w/a therapist who specializes in recovery from abuse. Practice self-care and self-love. It takes time, but I am here to attest that it does work.
~Big Hugs~
Beyond that, I agree with the others. It's your choice, but your unhappiness is reason enough if leaving is what you want to do.
Of course you are not a bad person,
There is not a doubt in my mind that you are doing the best you can do. It is NOT your fault if the feelings are not there. He killed them a long time ago.
Only you can decide if your life is making you happy or if you want to leave.
I think you should do whatever is going to make your life happiest.
I wish you the very best!!!!
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS, HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
wisdom here already. I'll
just add my voice to the
chorus that
you are a miracle of nature,
a flower on the stem of
the universe.
You deserve all the best
that life has to offer.
Not being hit
is not enough
reason to stay
with a partner.
If, for whatever reasons,
your feelings of warmth
and affection are no
longer activated when
you're together with
this person, then it's
time to shut it down
and move on.
Frankly, I find it difficult
to believe that someone
who was a physcial abuser
for four years, is suddenly
non-abusive altogether.
I'm with Livn that a
"former" physical abuser
generally turns the abuse
into its more covert forms.
Virtually no abusers do a
total 180 and become
non-abusive. They may
successfully stop hitting
but they continue abusing
in other ways.
Last of all, have you ever
engaged in counseling
or therapy? If not, you
might consider it. It's
helped many of us, here.
Sending you hugs
and healing prayers.
Take good care!