Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
My mom always swears and curses me, says I am ugly and stupid. Sometimes she goes to the opposite pole and tells me I am smart. She also made me be dependent on her but I try not to be.
I have no intimacy and if I ask her that, she will get mad. She has temper tantrums and is very nervous all the time.
There are moments when she is kind and sits and talks to me but that will change pretty fast.
I know i am guilty too, I am messy and I never do dishes. Stuff like that. I am still in college and can't get a job now. So I am stuck in this home. I also care about her a lot and I wouldn't want her to be alone. She and my dad are separated, altough leaving in the same house. i could never leave her..She is a big part of my life and tries to help me. But her help is not unconditional.It always comes with offensive words and her curiosity to know and control everything about me.
I make my mistakes. I wish I could get some support not to make them and some advice about how to deal with this
I have no intimacy and if I ask her that, she will get mad. She has temper tantrums and is very nervous all the time.
There are moments when she is kind and sits and talks to me but that will change pretty fast.
I know i am guilty too, I am messy and I never do dishes. Stuff like that. I am still in college and can't get a job now. So I am stuck in this home. I also care about her a lot and I wouldn't want her to be alone. She and my dad are separated, altough leaving in the same house. i could never leave her..She is a big part of my life and tries to help me. But her help is not unconditional.It always comes with offensive words and her curiosity to know and control everything about me.
I make my mistakes. I wish I could get some support not to make them and some advice about how to deal with this
When she says things just say STOP! and walk away. She will figure out that you will not reward bad behavior with your attention. This works in more situations than you think. It keeps you in control and your abuser at bay. Good luck to you.
Yes, it's abuse. It sounds like the basis of her behavior might be borderline personality disorder or some other personality disorder. That doesn't excuse it. It just helps understand that it might be coming from a place of illness or psychological damage. Wherever it comes from, it's NOT okay.
I think saying "STOP" and walking away is a pretty good way to cope. I have to tell you though, that it's more to protect YOU than to expect that she'll change anything she does. Most of us find that our abusers can't be "reached" and seldom change.
But if you express your feelings with an empahatic, "STOP" and then leave the area, it helps YOU prevent further abuse, at that moment. There will, inevitably, be more abuse later. You can only deal with it one episode at a time.
I also suggest that you begin a habit of limiting interaction with your mother. This is not out of hostility but rather self-care. As Tamehau said, later on she will use anything you share with her, against you. Share less and less and finally share as little as possible. Erecting this barricade, you can still stay civil. You can even stay loving. But you close off all vulnerability.
I have been there. I spent lots of time looking for ways to survive with abuse, and this is one of the only ways I found that worked.
Good luck to you. Take good care.
Ilene