Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
| I read the first two paragraphs somewhere though I can’t remember where and added the last two myself hoping to find strength I think. To find a break in the constant hopelessness I feel. So here it is and then I’ll tell my story. "Love doesn’t provoke you to sob in a corner. It doesn’t put a fist through your wall. It doesn’t desire to shatter any part of you — not your phone, your windows, your ambitions, your self-worth or any of your other relationships. It has no desire to isolate you. It doesn’t hack into your email account. It doesn’t steal your keys for the purpose of forcing you to stay and endure further misery. It doesn’t mock you as you cry." It doesn’t violate your privacy. It doesn’t stay up into the wee hours of the night scouring every shred of information on your computer. It doesn’t rummage through your drawers in search of a reason to incriminate you. It doesn’t spit in your face. It doesn’t slander your name or even threaten to. It doesn’t become high from its ability to intimidate or control you. It doesn’t provoke you to curl into a ball, and it doesn’t leave your heart on the floor. It doesn’t threaten to take your children away, call you names, or make physical threats. It doesn’t make you uncomfortable or difficult to live each day with someone who seems determined to punish you at every turn. It doesn’t constantly place blame on you making it hard to keep your bearings. It does not break your self-worth down and make you feel hopeless. It does not attack your integrity, make you feel crazy, or try to manipulate you. It does not take away your self-esteem, or make you change who you are. It is not one sided, it is not destructive and it is not toxic." I knew my husband for almost 5 years prior to us dating, he was amazing and one of my closest friends; at least I thought so. I thought I knew this man, he had been upfront with me about his past. We had never talked about dating or being together before we ended our relationships and we were both single for almost a year before we stared to date. He led me to believe we could be different and I definitely ignored the warning signs that he was abusive. We both ended our relationships at about the same time and we talked to each other often about it. Eventually we were hanging out every day and one thing lead to another. Within 3 months of dating we were living together and engaged and by 6 months married with a baby on the way. That’s when things started to change and quickly. He became angry and started to twist things I had done or said. Made me believe I was going crazy or had a bad memory. He manipulated me into isolating myself from friends and family and even convinced me to move across the country with him so things would get better, but they didn’t, they got worse. It was always just emotional and verbal until 3 years ago when we moved. Three years ago he put his hands on me for the first time. Since then I have lost track of the number of times I have fallen victim to a slap, or spitting on me, pushing, shoving, poking, and worse choking. I’m 8 years in, I have 2 children who are my world, and I feel trapped. The emotional abuse has only gotten worse as well, I get called every nasty thing, accused of things I don’t do, and been verbally beaten so much that for a long time I believed the things he has said about me. My eyes are open now, I don’t know what changed but I’ve stopped submitting to his punishments. I know he isn’t going to change and I have to let go of the fear of losing a best friend, I have to stop questioning my sanity, I have to get better for my children. So I reached out, I started telling people what’s going on in my life, I’ve developed a plan to leave and am working towards that goal. But it’s hard, I constantly find myself questioning my decision. But I always come back to the fact that he will never see what he has done or change his behavior if I stay. And worse, do I want my two boys growing up to think that this is acceptable, my answer is no, NO THE HELL I DO NOT!!!!!! So I’ve got a support system in place, and a plan of escape. I know it’s going to be hard but I can’t continue to blame myself for things I am unable to control. Thank you all for sharing it’s really been helpful. |
I'm so sorry that this
happened to you but
glad to hear that you're
putting a new life for
yourself and your boys
together.
Please be careful.
An abuser who chokes
is an abuser capable
of ending your life.
Are you working with
your local women's
center? If not, I hope
you'll consider giving
them a call.
Sending you hugs
and wishes for
safety, healing
and better days
ahead.