I'm very sorry
for your pain.

You wrote:


""""""""""""""""" Its like he gets satisfaction out of hurting me."""""""""""""

Sadly, yes. You're absolutely right.

He sees you as his yo-yo
and he loves his toy
(not love as in putting
someone else before
ourself
but love as in
"Damn, what a great toy
and what skill I have
making the toy do
what I want!!!!!").

Have you been working
with a counselor or
therapist?

If not, I hope you'll
consider finding a
qualified counselor
and investing what
it takes to build
yourself to the
point where your
attachment to this
abuser loses the
fight over your
self-possession.

(Praying can get
us so far, but
prayer alone
won't move you
to another place
in regards to abuse.)

Finally, biochemistry
is a large part of the
reason why you're
still vulnerable to
this abuser. Biology
has evolved in such
a way that once we
bond, it's really hard
to break the bond.
But it's possible to
break the bond. It
takes work and time.
Time alone won't
make that happen.

I hope you'll take good care.

Sending you hugs
and prayers for
healing
and recovery.

YOU ARE RIGHT. I have been to a therapist but I had to stop going due to financial issues and working so much. I cant let this continue because im always the one hurt. The way he is ignoring me , if I did that to him he would be so mad and he would cuss me out and tell me never to ignore him. If I don't pickup the phone. He is like what were you doing and gets pissed off. Its like he only comes around when I am not thinking about him at all. The minute my feelings get into it , its like BOOM he is back to his old ways. This stupid bond needs to be broken!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He does what he does
to ENSURE
that he keeps
your feelings
about him
intense.

He doesn't want
to lose his victim.


What do YOU want????????????

This is a classic, text book emotionally abusive relationship and what you are describing is the cycle of abuse. Don't expect him to change. It is a cycle. Get all the support you need to say NO.

I want to be free from this bastard for good.

You know, a good work with a therapist on your emotions will help a lot. Yo can do this. You can break the cycle.

Thank you everyone. Im taking this one day at a time. Its not easy though.

I know exactly how you feel. I'm in the same boat. I started No Contact 2 weeks ago and never intend on breaking it. It's the only thing I can do. I think it just takes time and resolve. Don't give in to him anymore. Block him completely and stay strong. Remind yourself of how crappy he is, and WHY would you even WANT someone like that in your life?

Im sorry you are going through this. I am in a similar situation. You hope thaT it will be different but Ilene is right. They get satisfaction out of having that control. It sux because We are not like that and its hard to imagine y anyone would be so callous. The reality is that we are wasting our time. It hurts but i hope u can breakthrough. U do deserve better. Be strong. Hugs

This disrespect will go as long as you will allow it. It is time to grow up and take actions that will break this cycle. Sometimes we do love people who hirt and abuse us...no fault on you. He probably has charming and appealing personal qualities, he may be very sexy man. You love him for that...it is understood. But, if this relationship leaves you destressed and unhappy after all, you should make some consistent efforts over yourself. He won't change, he will treat you worse as to him you are easily to be manipulated. Your situation is not unique or uncommon. People abuse others a lot, this is a reality. The main thing to understand is that you do have power and strength to overcome this situation...bcz many other people can do it too. It is not easy, but it is possible. I wish you to feel better.