Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group

Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.

5,836 Members
27,933 Posts
1 Online
Personal Challenges
/ Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group

Help please

blessed19
blessed19
Having a hard time letting go of my ex and this is only hurting me. Long story short for those who dont know my story. With him for three yrs emotional abusive.Heartless son of a bitch. We have a 1yr old son together. Left him finally after he threatned to kill me. Oh and my mama and brother for standing up for me. I changed my number after 8months he gets in contact with me through myspace and stupid me goes back to him. Well not really we just talked on the phone but basically i let him back into my heart. He tells me everything I want to hear. It was like he was a different person.Then I find out that he has a girlfreind. It didnt come from him I saw pictures. Anyway after all this happened he completely cut me off he is ignoring me and will not talk to me. I should be happy but it hurts. Then I go on myspace looking at his girls page she is so obsessed with him and im like do we know the same person.She is saying how she is in love with him and he is her other half.Then I have to also think I was the same way. No matter how badly he treated me I never let it show. He was my #1 no matter what.That is the most scary part about abusive men its like they put voodoo on you. Its crazy. I posted something regarding the fact that I thought that maybe he changed with her and really does treat her right. Alot of people told me that usually they dont change and to give it time. I guess im being nosy and just want to see if they will ever breakup. Which is why I keep going on myspace. But if I keep going this way I will only hurt myself. I should be over him and im not or maybe its because he is with someone and I am not. I dont know but im tired of this.She is a very pretty girl and thats makes me mad. Why cant she be ugly. LOL J/P. I think its really hard because of my son. He is not only ignoring me now he is ignoring our child. Thats hurts me because my son will never know his father. Maybe that is a good thing I wouldnt want that influence around my son. Still hurts like hell though. Need help thanks for listening.
deleted_user
deleted_user
i honestly cannot imagine what you're going through but i feel that you have made the very best decision. it hurts to break up with someone even if they hurt us because they become so much a part of you that somehow you adjust your life to theirs and when they are gone there's this big empty space, especially when they hook so soon after breaking up with you. don't please don't beat yourself up, do silly stuff with your son like paint, play, run around the house, dance to kids music, stay away from really romantic movies, if you have a brother or a male friend you trust and who has some time, plan something simple, not too expensive, football in the backyard, bbq,clean out the artic anything and let your son be around him so that he can have a positive male role model. give yourself time to heal , relationships take a lot out of you more so if they are unhealthy, 2nd talk, talk and talk some more. i know it might be difficult to find someone to go through the paces with you but you can use this site, a diary, a journal, me lol when you vent you can tell where you are in the process because the end of a relationship is equivalent to death sometimes you go through denial, anger, sadness, acceptance i know am missing a step but you can check it out on any grief site. hope this has helped you
blessed19
blessed19
Sesame thank you so much. That really helps.
Stargazer1971
Stargazer1971
Your ex is playing games. He's attempting to draw you back into yet another cylcle. It looks like he was successful until you started to question his relationship with someone else and then he discarded you. Obviously, he has no problem with shirking responsibility for his behavior.

First off, recognize that he is emotionally unavailable to you and he seems to always have been. Ask yourself why you would want to be with someone who threatened your life and the life of your loved ones.

This "girl" that he's with is in the beginning stages of love. She's high, her endorphins are rushing straight to the pleasure center of her brain. He's probably very charming and loving at first (like most abusers). She'll soon land smack dab on her ass when he starts to show his true colors. He didn't find another girlfriend, he found another victim. Remember that and pray for her because he's bringing the pain really soon. Trust!

I know you are hurting and it hurts to see him neglect his baby but think of his absence as a gift from God. Think about who you can be without his controlling, violent behavior around.

You're obsessively stalking myspace but not realizing it's making you sick and depressed. Try to not do it. Start slow and wean yourself off. If you go on every day, take one of your days away and on that day do something that would contribute to your healing. Like posting here, or reading a self help website.

Give up the myspace stalking, it will only lead to more hurt and pain. It's like punching yourself in the stomach. Don't do it to yourself. Give yourself a hug instead. :-) Keep posting. Add me as a friend if you like. Use any of us as your rock. This too shall pass. *hug*
wvartgirl
wvartgirl
It's hard to get over an abuser, to break their voodoo forever. Rest assured that his new gf will also be abused by him...no, they don't change.

It is good that you are away and that your son will grow up without an abusive father. Focus on you and taking good care of you and your son. Hugs to you for your pain...lfe after an abuser gets better and you will find someone who loves you kindly and consistently.
Livndadrem
Livndadrem
I know how all that feels. I used to worry about him being good with someone else etc. But now I realise that firstly, he won't be. And secondly even if he is, that doesn't change the fact that he wasn't good with me. And I deserve someone who will be. He also wasn't good with our boy - and he more than deserves someone who will be.

Your boy is better off without the abuse and so are you. Like the others say, focus on you and your little one, and let him fade into the background, slowly but surely.

I also went through the thing of looking on line to see how him and his girlfriend were doing. Now I really don't care, other than to hope one day he gets his hooks so far into someone else that he leaves me and my little boy well alone.