Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
What do I do if an ex boyfriend is threatning to kill me he has said it so many times and never does anything but im not taking it lightly im tired of living in fear of this bastard. I have emails from him saying all of this so i have proof could i take this to the police? Im just scared that he will want to do even more if I do that. He has threatned my family. I just need advice what do i do???????????????????/
and then, as a judge told a dear friend of mine...put 911 on speed dial on your cell phone.....
Good luck....
I would take those emails straight to the police now!!
You can't go to your family for obvious reasons
Report him to the police.
Get a restraining order.
And then disappear.
It's not fair.
It's survival.
TAKE CARE!
Ilene
I am not an expert or a professional, but I know several women who have been harassed, threatened, nearly murdered (but escaped), and very sadly, two who were murdered. So based on that, this is what I would advise:
Take his threats seriously! Contact the police to get advice as soon as possible, and don't stop there. Find other professionals who know about crazies too - women's shelters, counselors, women who have written about stalkers, etc
Document all threats by date, content of what was said in the conversation, time it occurs. Have witnesses document this and note your journal as well, if possible. Begin this now if you can, and note everything you can remember as specifically as possible, then continue doing this each time it occurs.
Note if he is stalking, and be very aware of your surroundings if you're not already. This is harassment, and with planning with the police about what they need, you may be able to pull together proper documentation (even if they're only your notes) to get him arrested. But you need to do a lot of homework fast!!!
Make no mistake - this is extremely serious. Get your game plan in order if you plan to stay in the area or not. Talk to the police, enlist as much help as possible, and find out exactly what you need to do. Personally, I would research other woman who have written about stalkers. You visit a woman's shelter too, since they have tons of research on this. Let as many people know what is going on as possible. If you make appointments with a women's shelter, they will (generally) document counseling sessions (which are often free). These people understand psychos like this, so use that resource too. They may have very valuable suggestions for you.
Ask as many questions as possible from the police and take notes. As far as the emails go, if it's serious enough, the police can confiscate his computer, and web sites/email servers keep records of this stuff for a year (or maybe three?) - courtesy of the Patriot Act. (You may also learn that you are not the only one he has done this to.)
Talk to mental health professionals, go to book stores, learn about abusers who threaten to kill. If he is merely throwing empty threats around the legal trouble will be too much of a hassle to continue doing that. If he is completely psycho, he needs to be in jail.
I have learned that abusive people generally know the law extremely well, so make the assumption this person will amazingly skirt the law and know what he can get away with. They can lie like no other, so the police often believe them first in the absence of proof from you. So think like a war strategist, because you are in a war. Be smart, plan, and be aware.
Do not take this threat lightly, and consider it a real thing. I know two people who were murdered by stalkers - both agreed in a moment of their stalkers' kindness to talk things out. So, NEVER make the assumption this person will be stable or normal, or capable of conversation. NEVER agree to meet with this person for any reason, ride in a car, etc., even in public when they seem to have realized the error of their ways and "really want to apologize".
ON THE FLIP SIDE I also have a good friend who successfully got rid of the person who was threatening her life. She became too much work for him! He hated court, and the first time he spent a few days in jail he stopped.
I have also had the interesting misfortune of meeting a murderer and speaking with him at length. While he "only" murdered one woman, he was very proud of the fact that he never "harmed anyone in his family or his friends". There are such things as truly warped people, my friend, and there is no way for a sane person to understand an insane person. You can only defend yourself and do your best to have this person put away, or remove yourself to a safe location where he will never go.
He may have threatened your family, but personally in my opinion you're probably safer with your 'posse' than in a new place where you don't know anyone yet. You are probably the only person who knows what lengths he will go, so only you can answer that. Trust your gut and DO NOT second guess yourself, no matter how illogical it might seem. For example, if you feel like the most happy thing to do is leave the country, then do it.
One final tidbit of advice I got from a retired colonel and army ranger whom I happened to meet at the right time in my life, when I also was terrified. He told me that no matter how dangerous or crazy a person seems they always have a weakness, and never to fight a war I wasn't certain I could win.
Don't know if this helps you, but it's what I learned. Get help from the experts right away though!!!
Prayers & peace to you. Angels surround you.
Do what you need to do to be safe. God bless you, Karen
Thank you everyone God Bless.
"DONOT BE AFRAID OF SUDDEN TERROR, NOR OF TROUBLE FROM THE WICKED WHEN IT COMES FOR THE LORD WILL BE YOUR CONFIDENCE AND WILL KEEP YOUR FOOT FROM BEING CAUGHT." PROVERBS 3:25,26
It's my prayer that you are led to the right people at the right time and the people you need in this situation will be drawn to you even without your asking, so this will be resolved as peacefully and effectively as possible.
peace
Suggestions of things to do -
First restraining order. At least you will have him on record in case this crazy guy does anything, then he will be the first suspect. Helps protect your family too. Plus maybe just by doing that, it may scare him away but don't put your guard down ever. Keep on your toes and be aware of your surrounding because it sounds like he would be the type to stalk you too. Carry protection, such as pepper spray, your keys in between your figures as to use to jab him with. 911 on speed dial is a good idea too.
Second if the restraining order doesn't help scare him away, then maybe have some thugs visit him to beat the daylights out of him enough to possibly scare him away. They can be your body guards.
Third if that doesn't work them moving and dropping of the face of the earth so he can not find you is the other option. I know it sounds almost impossible but it can be done. It can be a pain in the rear to have to do this. I know you probably feel you should not have to alter your life in such a drastic way but it is called surviving and sometime people have to go to drastic lengths to protect themselves.
I pray for you to be protect and for this crazy person to move on with their life and leave you alone. I wish the best will come out of this situation. Stay protected and on guard at all times. It could last for a long time not just a few weeks. So even if you don't see or hear from him, don't think it could be over because it may not be. He may just wait until you have your guard down before trying something stupid.
Take good care of yourself.
The MOST important thing you can do, right now, is to go to Google, and put in "Stalking and Harrassment Law (enter your State name) and find out what the Stalking Laws are, for your State?
Once you have that information, you will feel better about taking his threats to the Police.
When you copy the emails, copy the entire email, which shows the time, date, and sender, not just the body of what he said. Without that proof, they may not take you seriously.
2nd. If you can, take a course in Gun safety and get your concealed weapon permit, and if you can't do that, then go to your local Sporting Goods store, and pick up some Pepper Spray (Mace brand) Gel, and carry it with you, at all times. Make sure you have a cell phone, and learn how to use the "camera" feature on it (phone company should show you how to do that) with date and time on the photo.
When you prepare this way, you will give yourself a certain confidence, that you can handle this, and you will send off signals that you are not afraid. Once they learn you are not afraid, they realize they lost conotrol, and normally, they will stop the craziness, however, if he doesn't, then you have built an air tight case against him.
Do not wait on this. The Police may tell you this is a civil matter, but if you copy the Stalking laws of your State, you can point out to them that you need their assistance to enforce those laws.
May God Bless you. Stay away from any area he might frequent. Shop out of town, don't go to the same church he attends and do not answer any calls from him...and if you can, change your email address, block him from sending anymore emails to you, and before long, he will get tired of his own games.
It's painful, but you can do it, and if you have to move in with your family, in order to protect each other, do it. Hope these suggestions help and protect you.
You are in our prayers.