Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
Hi
I have been a member of the DS discussion board for a while now and I have learned a great deal from the other posters to this site. I had not felt completely comfortable telling my own story but I feel now is a good time to get it off of my chest as it were and so here it goes......
I have been married for nearly 19 years now and it has taken me until about 2 years ago to discover that I am co dependent .....
I feel into clynical depression about 4 years ago....partly due to life situations and life in general and then came to full blown post traumatic stress disorder due to my husbands poor hanlding of my depression.
He became business partners with a scam artist and the scam artist left us hanging out to dry and so we had to deal with leagal junk and sell out house and it was a huge mess.....this partner of my husband was a real winner......the guys family life should have been an episode of Jerry Springer.......but my husband fell inlove with the guy and then became business partners with him and hoped to change the guy.......well guess what.........I was a support to my husband and felt bad for him and the stress and self loathing were so hard to watch him struggle with...................
Well we sold our house to pay off the business stuff and moved to another state to try to start over......during all of this I lost my mother and grandmother and had surgery.........can you say when it rains it pours......
Well we get into the new state and try to put the past behind us and it just was not working..we moved into a really terrible town with bad schools and I just wanted out of there and my hsband thought that I was just ungreatful and did not want my family and spoiled .........
He then becomes best freinds with another Jerry springer reject guy
who abuses his wife......guess who started getting abused next......me
and guess what the guy lived next door and works with my husband............needless to say I wanted out of there even more and wanted my husband to have nothing to do with this jerk..............
But guess who was call abusive and controlling......not him .....
He would scream at me for letting the kids go to church activities because I said it was ok and not HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The abusers wife would call my husband for support and I told her to take a hike.......yes I got yelled at for that too..........
I would get told that I had some how lost my good wifeyness and needed help but he would not say exactly what the real problem was .................
One day he sat me down and said I think you are dealing woth depression and I am going to help you get through this then
he became even more involved the the wife abuser and started to abuse me more and gas light me and then tell me that I needed help and that he saw everything and blah blah blah.....and if I did not get it together that Iwas going to lose everything.....great tell a clyincally depressed person that they are bad and are going to lose everything .........like that is helping..........
I told a christian therapist what was happening and she called it what it was abuse.......I was so depressed and confussed and no back up of any kind and the more I spoke out about his behavior the worse I was treated and the more he gas lighted me to make himself look the victim..........
It finally escalated to the point to where one night we fought so badly I wanted to leave with the kids and he would not let me have the kids and he left with them instead and all I could here in myhead was how bad I was and the I was going to lose everything that I swallowed a bottle of pills.......
When I first got to the hospital and he came he was sweet and remorseful......then he turned mean and angry and would hang up on me and when he came to pick me up form the hospital did not want to hug me and even threatened to call 911 on my and slammed on the breaks and threatened to leave me on the side of the road........
He went to the pastor for counsel for a while and the pastor told him that that was normal behavior and that I did not have any right to my medical records and that (to my husband agian) that everyone twists the truth........
Finally my husband came to the realization that depression is an illness...DUH!!!!!!!!!!! and forced me to take meds or kick me out of my own house.......
At first I lied and told him I did take the meds but he found out that I was not(the doctor told me that i could benefit from the meds but the main problem was how i was being treated)
So then he gave me the meds to make sure i took them............
THen he started to treat me better............
At this point I was able to tell him to sever ties to the abuser next door
and that was a battle but he has..........
The abuser next door had a fight with his wife and his wife left him and he wanted us to feel sorry for him, but I told the abuser to take a hike and to leave us alone that he had allready done enough damage and
we were no longer going to be involved at all.......
we have moved out of that house and into a better area where my kids can now go to school ..........
we no longer go to that church.............
my husband still works at the same place as that abuser but in different departments......
My husband has said he is sorry, but he still has not completely come clean or owned up to all of his behavior ( i deal with his denial)
I still deal with the effects of PTSD and I secretly go to the battered womens shelter for counseling........
I am still codependant but not as much........
I am going to school to become a CPA and my kids are now High school age
Thank you for allowing me to share my story. It is nice to have a place to do so where others can relate.
Blessings
I have been a member of the DS discussion board for a while now and I have learned a great deal from the other posters to this site. I had not felt completely comfortable telling my own story but I feel now is a good time to get it off of my chest as it were and so here it goes......
I have been married for nearly 19 years now and it has taken me until about 2 years ago to discover that I am co dependent .....
I feel into clynical depression about 4 years ago....partly due to life situations and life in general and then came to full blown post traumatic stress disorder due to my husbands poor hanlding of my depression.
He became business partners with a scam artist and the scam artist left us hanging out to dry and so we had to deal with leagal junk and sell out house and it was a huge mess.....this partner of my husband was a real winner......the guys family life should have been an episode of Jerry Springer.......but my husband fell inlove with the guy and then became business partners with him and hoped to change the guy.......well guess what.........I was a support to my husband and felt bad for him and the stress and self loathing were so hard to watch him struggle with...................
Well we sold our house to pay off the business stuff and moved to another state to try to start over......during all of this I lost my mother and grandmother and had surgery.........can you say when it rains it pours......
Well we get into the new state and try to put the past behind us and it just was not working..we moved into a really terrible town with bad schools and I just wanted out of there and my hsband thought that I was just ungreatful and did not want my family and spoiled .........
He then becomes best freinds with another Jerry springer reject guy
who abuses his wife......guess who started getting abused next......me
and guess what the guy lived next door and works with my husband............needless to say I wanted out of there even more and wanted my husband to have nothing to do with this jerk..............
But guess who was call abusive and controlling......not him .....
He would scream at me for letting the kids go to church activities because I said it was ok and not HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The abusers wife would call my husband for support and I told her to take a hike.......yes I got yelled at for that too..........
I would get told that I had some how lost my good wifeyness and needed help but he would not say exactly what the real problem was .................
One day he sat me down and said I think you are dealing woth depression and I am going to help you get through this then
he became even more involved the the wife abuser and started to abuse me more and gas light me and then tell me that I needed help and that he saw everything and blah blah blah.....and if I did not get it together that Iwas going to lose everything.....great tell a clyincally depressed person that they are bad and are going to lose everything .........like that is helping..........
I told a christian therapist what was happening and she called it what it was abuse.......I was so depressed and confussed and no back up of any kind and the more I spoke out about his behavior the worse I was treated and the more he gas lighted me to make himself look the victim..........
It finally escalated to the point to where one night we fought so badly I wanted to leave with the kids and he would not let me have the kids and he left with them instead and all I could here in myhead was how bad I was and the I was going to lose everything that I swallowed a bottle of pills.......
When I first got to the hospital and he came he was sweet and remorseful......then he turned mean and angry and would hang up on me and when he came to pick me up form the hospital did not want to hug me and even threatened to call 911 on my and slammed on the breaks and threatened to leave me on the side of the road........
He went to the pastor for counsel for a while and the pastor told him that that was normal behavior and that I did not have any right to my medical records and that (to my husband agian) that everyone twists the truth........
Finally my husband came to the realization that depression is an illness...DUH!!!!!!!!!!! and forced me to take meds or kick me out of my own house.......
At first I lied and told him I did take the meds but he found out that I was not(the doctor told me that i could benefit from the meds but the main problem was how i was being treated)
So then he gave me the meds to make sure i took them............
THen he started to treat me better............
At this point I was able to tell him to sever ties to the abuser next door
and that was a battle but he has..........
The abuser next door had a fight with his wife and his wife left him and he wanted us to feel sorry for him, but I told the abuser to take a hike and to leave us alone that he had allready done enough damage and
we were no longer going to be involved at all.......
we have moved out of that house and into a better area where my kids can now go to school ..........
we no longer go to that church.............
my husband still works at the same place as that abuser but in different departments......
My husband has said he is sorry, but he still has not completely come clean or owned up to all of his behavior ( i deal with his denial)
I still deal with the effects of PTSD and I secretly go to the battered womens shelter for counseling........
I am still codependant but not as much........
I am going to school to become a CPA and my kids are now High school age
Thank you for allowing me to share my story. It is nice to have a place to do so where others can relate.
Blessings
His lack of empathy, and selfishness, and disrespect, would have anyone seriously depressed. His lack of remorse and denial is still appalling to my mind.
I really hope for you that this honeymoon phase lasts?..But in case it doesn't..I would arm myelf if I were you..and keep your options well open, in case he starts to undermine you again, and turn others against you, when you need him most?
Sounds to me like you ahve been to hell and back because of some awful choices he has made, and also because of his abusiveness towards you?
His forcing you to take medication is an abuse of your rights, and its also very controlling..Also, you having to sneak around getting help behind his back, shows that you still fear him in ways?..
If i were you, I would befriend a local pastor now, and get them to understand what you have been through..and also make sure that your story is well documented at the battered womens shelter..So that if he turns on you again, you will have supports in place..
You are very strong to get through all that...and I truly hope you can keep going from strength to strength..
you have no idea how nice it is to know that when I shared this....that others can see it for what it is......and it is nice to know that i am not crazy........
thank you for you kin words and suggestions