Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group

Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.

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teddybear973
teddybear973
I went to amazon to check out a book about controlling and abusive men and I read the reviews and in the review someone said that women just percieve normal behavior as abuse and that got me to thinking, maybe what I go through is normal behavior for men. Maybe all women are told who they can hang out with and when. Maybe it is normal for a man to punch walls next to your head when he is jealous and angry. Maybe it is normal for a man to intimidate your children by yelling at them while standing over the top of them. Maybe it is normal for a man to put you down when your opinion differs from his. Maybe my life is normal and I am just complaining too much and over sensitive.
calmzone
calmzone
The 'reviewer' is sadly mistaken, ill-informed, or just a ridiculous misogynist. The things you mentioned a completely ABnormal. It is however normal to question ourselves like this.
The important thing is, how does him punching walls, yelling at the kids, being jealous and angry to that extent make you feel?
deleted_user
deleted_user
No, everything you have written is abuse. Whoever wrote the comment is ill informed or an abuser too. I used to think maybe I was being too sensitive too but realized I wasn't when every single person I spoke to told me it was all abuse. The punching walls thing is serious, he could be arrested for that I think, it may vary by state. I know mine punched a refrigerator I was standing next to, threw a can opener at it, broke a spatula in front of my face, and all while screaming the f word. I thought he would hit me that day, and I'm sure you felt your man was going to hit you when he punched the wall. If that isn't intimidation I don't know what is.
artemis000
artemis000
Behaviour that hurts, harms and damages others, either physically or mentally, can never be perceived as 'normal.' Anyone who thinks that it is either doesn't understand the subject or has a very twisted outlook on life.

My current partner, of one year, tells me that he would rather hurt himself than inflict one iota of pain on me. He supports me in everything I do, respects my need (at times) for space, shows me love in every possible way and is consistent in everything he does.

Violent and abusive behaviour isn't normal, and you are not being over-sensitive by not accepting that it is.

Take care.
deleted_user
deleted_user
"Maybe it is normal for a man to punch walls next to your head when he is jealous and angry"

It's definitely not normal. A normal man encourages you to have friends (though most will be jealous if you have a close male friend). A normal man doesn't scare children. A normal man goes away from you (like maybe out in the back yard by himself) before he punches a wall, if he even does it at all. Punching a wall next to your head is a threat.
hockeymom5592
hockeymom5592
The behavior may be "normal" for some men. Even for some women. But it's wrong. It's just wrong. And we get to decide if we want to share our lives with someone who chooses to come down on the wrong side of stuff all the time, just to flex their muscles and feed their own egos, by degrading those around them.

I chose to live with it for a long time. Now I choose not to. It wasn't easy, but I found a way to do it. We can all make that choice, that we don't want to live with it anymore, and begin to plan a life without it.
deleted_user
deleted_user
No, it's not normal at all. Never was. Never will be. The review you read was crap! Whenever you feel uncomfortable, unsafe and isolated....that is your brain telling you that the situation is not safe. Keep reading to educate yourself. And be strong.
teddybear973
teddybear973
I feel too scared to do anything. Then he has days of being just amazing until I don't do everything that he wants. Most of the time, if I don't want to be intimate, that will start "world war 3".