okay Teddy, Men seeking men. Come on. There is disaster written all over that one. His not wanting to talk about it keeps you at bay. Dump him now. You will only get hurt more if you stay. What kind of father does that crap? Do you want to subject the kids to that? OMG, I can only imagine. Stay here with us and learn about this crap. We care.

teddy, I'm so sorry, I'm sure seeing that was quite devastating. You deserve more than someone who is 'just around'. I know it's tough when you have little ones, but Tame's right...you're likely prolonging the inevitable. It seems from your profile you feel stuck...have you inquired about public assistance for therapy, legal aid, etc?? There are organizations that can help you and give you hope for a better future.
Kids, regardless if there is one parent or two around deserve a healthy environment. I was a single mom for a long time, and my kids turned out pretty good. So much better than being raised in dysfunction. I hope you are able to get some help! hugs to you...

Hi Teddy ----

You and your boys deserve a functional life.

Not sure where you live, but there are services for people who need different kinds of support.

In regards to wanting the "perfect" life?

Well ---- how about getting a situation that's a WORKABLE life. The one you just described isn't close to even THAT. (No one has a "perfect" life. Why not just try for a BETTER one.) Move yourself beyond an unworkable relationship. You're ENTITLED to better.

Best to you. Please look around for support.

Ilene

Hi teddy...

It seems to me that your dh is unreliable, as well as untrustworthy. Even if nothing happened between him and the other man from craig's list, his sexuality is in question. As a mother of two young children, you have to think about stability along with setting a good example.

Maybe you both can co-parent the kids while leading separate lives, but your dh needs to clean up his act first. Good luck.

I know how much it hurts when they threaten to leave and you want to keep it all together for the kids, but he is not thinking of you or the kids........he is only thinking of himself. You care about your kids a great deal so show them that it is not ok to not value your marriage and the you as their mother deserve respect.

Hang in there you. many many hugs to you and your children

After my husband and I split and we were having tell all confessions he admitted to me that he cheated. he finaly told me that it was a man he met twice that he had met online. He said that he never explored that part fo his sexuality and was curious. I could accept that. I thought well what if you did like it?? but his couldn't really upset me as we had so many other issues and I had already left.

If your husband is unwilling to talk about it with you then you ahve a problem. he should not just expect you to forget it. He needs to explain to you why he was looking.

I actually had a situation somewhat similar to this with my boyfriend and the only reason i even gave hima chance was that he admitted it, admitted it was a problem, took full responsibility, understood the deeper reasons for why he was doing what he did and agreed to go to counseling about it. It sounds like you are not getting anything like that. I think you need to give him an ultimatum. Maybe I'm giving you a month to find a way to speak to me about what you were doing. I have every right as your wife to know and you need to respect that or there cannot be trust.

It si very unfair to expect you to just get over it when he won't even explain it to you.

Also - sorry to say, but the fact that he is so easily saying he will leave makes me think he may be looking for an out.

you know you can put spyware on a computer to see everything a person does. I would certainly do that if he wasn't incredibly tech savvy. They are pretty much invisible.

Ok, I am going to play devils advocate here...

Why when women get freaky with other women is it ok, or dealt with easily, but when men get curious its the taboo button ?

My concern is not that he was curious, all people get curious at some point, i think usually in adolescence..but men tend to put it off...so he looked,..so he was tempted...thats not really were the problem lies.

The problem lies in the communication breakdown between you. A strong relationship would see two partners talking about this openly. Especially if he felt strongly enough to go out and explore. Thats cheating but also high risk behavior that is dangerous to you.

I would be less worried about the sexual curiousity and more worried about the state of the relationship over all.

I could understand being curious, but he has always been so against men and men behavior. Part of the problem is that I can't compete with a man and also, he has lied to me from day one. I didn't find this out until his daughter was older and told me that half of the stuff that her dad said happened, never did and most of the "things" (ie. cars, boats,...) he never had. Due to all of this, I find it hard to trust that he is not continuing. He will not talk to our pastor about this and does not want me to talk to anyone either. I feel like I am trapped and can't deal with anything. We have pulled back from going to church, although he is an elder and I feel like I can't participate in the praise team, because then he thinks that people will judge him for not being there. Also, he wants to do other things instead of going to church now. We went every Sunday until this all happened.

Teddy,

You can't compete with a man?????????? I am sorry but this is not a competetion. This is your life. Church or no church, this is deception at its best. I do not think God wants you to live like this. You've already lost in the game he is playing. If you can't go to church then read your bible. I suggest Proverbs. The books of Proverbs tell you what a man is and how he should act and be accountable. I realize that you are probably in a state of shock. Please do not stay there. The kids need you for a role model! Hugs!