Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I've written here before about my FWBenefits but I've been enforcing the boundary. Now I am scared he's upped his game. I gave him my car keys on Saturday so I wouldn't drink and then mysteriously my car is broken into in my garage. He came over at 7 am and swore he dropped the car keys off hiding on my fridge. They were there but did he drop them off himself on his way in? Today he was suddenly cleaning my toilet upstairs and next thing the toilet is leaking through the plaster on my head while I'm in the kitchen. He swears I need his plumbing help. Am I being paranoid? Hard to imagine water dripping on my head. Is he just trying to get money for more sex toys? What is his game? I just don't get it. I'm feeling very scared now. Not sure what to do.
You are NOT
being paranoid
but what's happening
now was totally
predictable.
Abusers can't be
"friends."
They are trying to get thru to you. Please talk to
DV for help with your emotional and mental health
needs and problems and learn To stay safe from
Predators.
This guy is a whack job and you keep playing
With him because you are lonely. Thats scary.
Protect yourself And stay safe.
NO CONTACT AT MINIMUM
Hugs
((((((( sweetchick ))))))
the best predictor
of future behavior.
I'm sorry for your
feeling lonely.
But you continue
to stay attached
to someone who
has already abused
you and then wonder
what's going wrong.
His "game?"
His game is to
DESTROY YOU.
And yes. . . . it's
actually a good thing
that you're feeling
scared now.
That's your inner
knowing telling
you that you are
again, in DANGER.
And yes. . . . you
may be naive but
that's not a crime.
The crime is what
may happen to you
if you continue to
stay attached to
this predator.
And since this
kind of thing
has happened
before, you really
may need to get
some on-going
counseling to help
move you to a place
where it can never
happen again.
Wrapping up. . . . did
you ever hear the allegory
about the soft-hearted
woman and the snake?
A sweet, loving,
compassionate
soft-hearted woman
was getting water
from the nearby creek.
On the banks of the
creek she heard a
voice. A sickly,
near-death snake
was curled up in
the mud.
"Please take me
home with you,
sweet lady,"
pleaded the snake.
"If you don't, I
will surely die."
The soft-hearted
woman couldn't
resist its plea.
She gently wrapped
it up for warmth in
her shawl and
carried it home.
She placed it
near the fire
and slowly the
snake warmed
itself back to life.
As she bent over
to stroke its head,
it bit her.
In pain and despair
over her imminent
death, she asked
with her dying breath,
"I wrapped you up and
carried you to my home.
I put you by my fire to
restore your health.
Now you've bitten me
and I will soon die."
"I'm a snake,"
replied the animal
to the soft-hearted
woman. And then
she died.
Your abuser has
already shown
you who he is.
He is not capable
of being a friend.
He bites.
That's what
he does.
You can't be
continually surprised
that this abuser
repeatedly hurts
you, when you already
know who and what
he is.
PLEASE. . . . . . . . .
for your own well-being. . . .
go to the women's center
near you, make a
SAFETY PLAN
and then go
NO CONTACT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If you don't do that. . . .
you don't do that
you can't be surprised
when the snake
administers a
killing thrust.
PLEASE. . . . PROTECT YOURSELF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If you don't do that. . . .
you can't be surprised
when the snake
administers a
killing thrust.
you're in counseling.
(yes/no?)
What is your counselor
advising you about what's
happening to you at this
point in your connection
with this predator?
I've got to tell you that
it's very sad and scary
for me that your healthy,
functional life is not on
the short list of your
self-care priorities.
One last thing ------
hanging onto this
toxic, abusive,
apparently dangerous
predator because
he's all you feel you
have in your life right
now has the potential
to push you toward
an emotional breakdown
at least as fast if not
faster than having
no one.
I'm really concerned
for your safety and
well-being, at this
point. If you do
nothing else, I
hope you'll keep
posting here so
we know you're
vertical and able
to communicate.
Listen to your gut and please let him go. Him not being in your life is not the end of the world. Go out, make some new friends, meet some new people, read a new book, take a class you have been wanting to take. PLEASE! IleneW is completely accurate.
my nice safe livingroom long away From you.
Go to the DV people and get some Support
and therapy. That's what they are there for.
In support of you and your emotional, mental
And physical health and safety
Hugs
The toilet miraculously fixed itself overnight so who knows what he did to cause the water dripping. I think he found his plan didn't work as I wanted to call a plumber under my house insurance.
I'm actually studying a subject at college atm and trying to do an assessment and he seems to resent that and thinks I should be doing it faster.
My psychiatrist is away and I'm not due to see him till the 22/6. He advised me to get rid of him last time I saw him.
Its true what you said that he could be leading me to a breakdown in mental health. I'm still very scared wondering what today will bring with him.
and familiar to most of us here.
There are some positives
withing your brief paragraph
from Sunday.
One is that you're seeing
things more clearly.
A second is that you're
seeing things more
clearly before he has
hurt or killed you.
I think I speak for
pretty much everyone
here when I urge you
to do a couple/three
things, sooner than later.
The first is to go
NO CONTACT
NOW.
The second is that if
you don't go NO CONTACT,
and end up speaking with
him again, DON'T, I repeat. . . . .
do NOT confront him
or oppose him verbally.
Why not?
Because doing so
does not mean that
you're not being a
doormat but rather
because confronting
or opposing him
verbally puts you
at extremely high
risk for injury or worse.
The third is to go
NO CONTACT
and stay
NO CONTACT.
You're not at fault
or to blame for thinking
he was your "dream match."
Pretty much all of us have
been there, at some point
in our lives.
But you ARE the only one
responsible for your
SAFETY and well-being.
Now that you see him
and his behavior
more clearly, it's
the very best time
to pick up the pieces,
remove yourself from
his toxic presence,
and begin to do the
necessary healing.
Please STAY SAFE.
they want the cash in your wallet and the car - whatever. the more the better, but whatever will do.
save yourself, be upset, be sad, be...alive, be alive - that's a good thing to be - be that. please.
this is real - you are real and this is really happening right now.
hire the locks changed - change your number - he is out - it is done
if that is enough to make it over - should be. once they know the bluff is called. if it isn'[t easy, they won't bother. do not make it easy.
BUT FIRST - gently exit - tra la la. no sad, no drama, no nothing. THEN - have things done discretely.
gentle hugs, you matter