Find your inner peace. Tell yourself life is to short and you need to smile even if it hurts to. Smiling can make you calm.

I do know that smiling helps, it had helped get me out of some really bad moods. The only problem is lately the bad moods are generated from the husbands bad moods and my crying has started again. This is crazy, I get so angry with myself because he should not be able to do this to me and get away with it and yet I let him don't I? The almost daily putting me down in one way or another just to build him up and I let him do it just to keep peace. I want to be that good Mom and make sure the kids, they are in their 20's now, have a half way normal home. ha ha it is not very normal these days and has not been for a long time. Do many of you deal with your marriage in this way, and if so any suggestions on how I should be trying to make myself happy. I feel trapped because of money you know how it is? Just go through each day, he is happy one day and a real nasty person the next, drinks every night, money problems---anyway if you have any suggestions I am all ears...cindy

I crawl under the sheets and hide.

Actually I found that sharing the triggers with others in the forum help me to deal with them and lean how to cope with them better. I recognize the trigger, discuss it, then find ways to ignore the next trigger.

I am new at this "triggers" thing. The first thing I did was to pinpoint when these triggers occured the most, just to make sure I wasn't PMSing. After that, I decided to take one day at a time. I try to stop and think things through and not get overly excited. I turn into a rapid speaking nutcase once I get excited. Now I tell myself to "simmer down", and put my head down, breath deeply, and count to 10 or more depending on how anxious I am. Healing really is a day by day process, and I now realize that even after leaving, I am still riding this emotional roller coaster.

I know for me like Tame said talking about them on here helps a lot. I know I've been triggered and when i hash out my triggers with someone else I calm down and can look at my trigger from a different aspect that keeps me from doing something mean or impulsive.

First, I slow my breath down, slower and slower and deeper and deeper. I breathe slow and deep for as long as it takes.

A year or so ago, I was summoned for jury duty.

I was standing in a line outside the courthouse waiting to be processed through security, at the door. There was a big guy behind me, standing too close and talking loudly on his phone. Somebody, somewhere nearby was smelling funky. Construction was being done a few doors down from the courhouse. The noise was really, really loud.

Suddenly a felt myself being triggered. I began feeling panicked and faint. I couldn't leave the line because I had to be get through the jury duty thing and if I dashed off, it would just prolong everything. I held a tissue lightly over my nose and just concentrated on taking in long, slow, deep breaths.

Just around then, the line began to inch forward. When I got to the door, a female court officer was at the door. I could see she noticed I was just barely stuck together. But despite feeling like I was about to faint, a few minutes before, I had controlled myself enough to keep from being overwhelmed and the situation had passed.

I found that that technique has worked in other situations also.

Slow, deep, deep breaths.

And music.

If you love music, music will love you back.

And visualizing a place of peace and beauty.

These are ways I deal with triggers.

Sometimes I ask myself "whats the worst that could happen right now?"
and I remember to breath!

I could pass out
I could go completely bonkers and start breaking things
I could run out of here screaming like a crazy lady
I could die

Then I ask myself " have I ever done those things before?"
The answer is "no"

But if I died or passed out people would forgive me.
The likelihood of me doing the other two things is also very slim.

Keep breathing.