Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group

Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.

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antaresmom
antaresmom
Hello all,
I am new to this group because i am also on life after divorce and divorce over 20,I am in the beginning of a divorce from my husband of 18 yrs,I am the person requesting the divorce because I am emotionally tired of the mental abuse,we have no children,so my lawyer says it should be cut and dry,however that doesnt make it any less painful tho,I am seeing a therapist at this point in time....I know that there is a better life for me away from him,but it is extremely hard to imagine at this point,since i was a child i have been taking care of everyone elses needs,but i cant seem to grab hold and take care of me,to put me 1st for once,to make me happy before anyone else,if this sounds selfish then so be it,saying it is 1 thing,doing it is a whole other deal....I have my ducks in a row sorta speak,just waiting to raise the money to file,hopefully by the end of july....I know what i want out of life,but its extremely hard for me to take that huge step...Any advice is much appreciated.
deleted_user
deleted_user
CHANGE CAN BE SCARY, we all know this. but if you feel in ur gut there is better out there, thats god, angels, whatever makes u feel good, tellin u these things. beleive them becuase no one knows you better than your own damn self :) 18 years is a long time to go through any form of abuse, im proud of u for having the courage to choose to be happy and live differently. remember we r all human, we all make mistakes and have bad days, and even doubt ourselves...just hold onto this goal, vision, dream that u have...u will get there.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I have been with my husband for 20 years and I still love him and feel there is good in him, but it's just not enough anymore. He is just so mean sometimes and I just cant take it. We also have no children, The thought of being alone and starting over is really scary. I have not filed for divorce yet, but I think about it constantly.

My advice would be to stay with this forum and read and learn from all of the wonderful people here that are so willing to help and support. It sounds like you know what you need to do, so use this site because I guaranty you that you find your strength here.

Don't back down now. You deserve happiness and for someone to take care of you for a change, even if that person is you!!

Good luck!
deleted_user
deleted_user
You have come to the right place....people here are very supportive, and are more than willing to listen.....I hope you find DS helpful to you as you go through changes for the better!!

Tom B. aka Ihman
deleted_user
deleted_user
Welcome antaresmom!!
harmonytwin
harmonytwin
welcome to the group (( hugs))
antaresmom
antaresmom
Thank you all for your warm welcome,just to prepare you tho i can vent and ramble big time,its funny you know i can give advice great,problem is I cant take my own advice,I am working on it tho,I have friends and family both on DS and the real world,and the real world people just dont seem to understand,or they dont wanna understand,another problem of mine is I worry what they may think of me after everything is said and done,so its time for me to step up,and protect me,but then doubt creeps in,we have all heard of the devil on 1 shoulder and an angel on the other,some days the angel wins,some the devil,I have alot to work on,and i thank you all again for the support....(((HUGS TO ALL)))
IleneW
IleneW
Welcome, antaresmom.

This is a great place.

It's wonderful that you have your ducks in a row.

A better life awaits!
FarAndAway
FarAndAway
Welcome to the group!
deleted_user
deleted_user
Welcome to the group antaresmom. This is a great place to be. So many caring people. You have to take care of you (number 1), because nobody else will. I, like you, always worry about everybody else's needs instead of my own. I am still with my emotionally and verbablly abusive husband but I am learning to be stronger here and reading all I can about standing up for myself and think about what I need for a change. Happy to hear you have your ducks in a row. Good luck to you.
antaresmom
antaresmom
thanks again everyone,i may have my ducks in a row,now i have to get them to move,haha,its so not easy,my head is always buzzing with what ifs....ode to be a genie right now twitch my nose and make everything better,not just for me but for everyone here...(((HUGS)))
deleted_user
deleted_user
The first step is truly the most difficult - I know - I stayed for 26 years. I realized that, no matter how bad things were, they were familiar, and the unfamiliar was scarey. But what I did to help myself when I was scared was to ask myself what was the worst thing that would happen. After all, nobody ever died from being scared.

You can do it - we are behind you.

If you can't afford the fee to file in court, I wonder if it can be waived. I only know the law here in CA, but you can fill out a form asking for a fee waiver, and give the details of your finances to support why you can't afford to pay. As far as I know, it is generally granted.