Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
Hey everyone. I know it's been awhile since I have you guys an update on how I'm doing and I'm sorry about that. Things between me and my parents have not been so bad. We've actually been getting along pretty well. I'm still grounded from Facebook (should be ungrounded I just never asked dad about it). The biggest news I have is that i finally found out who it was that called my parents. It was one of the adults my YM talked to. I called her last week and hadn't heard back for several days. She then sent me a Facebook msg 5 days ago admitting to calling. I don't know how to respond. Should I confront her? Should I be shocked? Angry? I'm very numb.
as long as you are
a speck under
your parents'
abusive
thumb.
(You're an adult, now.
You can only be
"grounded" as
long as you're
living under their roof.)
In my opinion,
I see no good
coming out of
your confronting
the woman.
As you can now see,
your YM was not
qualified to be the
recipient of what
you disclosed. A
clinician would not
have been spreading
confidential information
to well-intentioned
but ignorant parties.
A clinician is ethically
bound to hold what's
shared, in professional
confidence. As some
of us advised you,
your YM was apparently
not bound by the same
considerations.
Please take good care.
Sending you hugs and
healing prayers.
That's because he
wasn't qualified to
receive what you
told him, without
reaching out to
someone else.
""""""""""""""""The adult that told my parents was a counselor"""""""""""""""
What kind of a counselor?
A clinician? If this was a
licensed clinician, then
she VIOLATED ethical
standards by bringing
what you had shared
in confidence ---- to
anyone else, including
your parents. . . since at
18, you are an ADULT.
Actually. . . . you appear
to know her, as well? Is
this someone connected
with the church? Is this
someone with clinical
training. . . . or
pastoral training?
(Or any training at all?)
Sweetie. . . . . you are
seeing why so many
of us advised you that
not every adult falls
under the same
category. Someone
you've known within
your faith community
may have all the best
intentions, but without
specialized clinical
EDUCATION, may
not be able to SAFELY
handle (and keep
confidential), the
kinds of trauma
that occur within
your family.
Also,
I meant to say, in my
first response, that
when we are numb,
this is the body's way
of protecting us from
the pain we'd otherwise
be experiencing.
You are still in need
of support and therapy.
I'm glad you feel a
connection with your
YM. Why don't you
ask him where you
might be able to get
the clincial support
that you still, obviously
need.
I hope you will
because I suspect
that the reason your
parents "haven't been
so bad" lately may be
because they feel that
people outside your
home now have an
inkling about how
bad they've been
in the past. But,
if they're true to
form, the "not so
bad" times will
be short-lived.
Please take good care.
"Going to school to
become a counselor"
is not
BEING a counselor.
Confront her if you feel
it will make you feel better.
Basically,
your YM
(being unqualified to
deal with what you
were bringing him),
BETRAYED your
confidentiality.
And if you felt
you could "trust"
this student
with ambitions. . . . .
now you know
that you can't.
What else is
left unanswered?
He, even if his intentions were of the utmost highest good, undermined your trust. Not only that, he undermined the trust that anyone puts into clergy/ministers that they will keep what they are told IN CONFIDENCE.
Of course that's just my opinion based on my understanding of clergy/ministerial confidentiality and I always leave room that I might be wrong.
happening to you
now, is called
LIFE EXPERIENCE.
Every one of us
here on the forum,
has gone through
similar things and
made similar mistakes.
When the members
here, share with you
what we now know,
it's because we're hoping
that you'll take advantage
of OUR life experience,
and not have to go through
the pain it's possible
to avoid.
The reality of life, though,
is that most of us, even
when we hear wisdom
shared by those who have
suffered before us. . . . .
too often . . . . .
most of us will say
"thank you,"
and then ignore the wisdom,
make the mistakes
and endure the pain
for ourself, all on our own.
Well. . . . . maybe that's
the best way to
learn the lesson
(and hence, the cliche:
Older and Wiser).
Sweeetie. . . . . . . . . .
people, in general,
will "tell."
That's why, professional
clinicians are SWORN
to confidentiality, and
that's why, in situations
like yours, the best source
of support is generally found
with professional clinicians
who are SWORN to
confidentiality. (And
that's what we were
trying to tell you.) We
were hoping you'd take
advantage of our experience
and not have to go through
the pain we predicted
would follow, taking
your story to other
than a clinician.
The silver lining is
that what you're
experiencing now
will probably mean
more to you, than
hearing something
from Us. The lesson
here, Sweetie, is:
expect most people
to "tell."
to not tell
(who are NOT trained
or qualified to help you)
told.
And you don't trust
the people who ARE
trained and qualified
to help you.
Could they really
do worse?
#1 stop saying anything to the YM that you don't want told to your parents.
#2 Ask around for recommendations to a trustworthy licensed professional. Word of mouth is important.
#3 Check w/your state, county & local licensing boards to see if there are any complaints against the person you're considering seeing.
#4 Licensed professionals should provide you with a confidentiality disclosure statement that explains what they will and won't tell & to whom they will tell. The reasons they would tell are if they think you are a threat to yourself or others and/or if they suspect you are in danger because of someone else's actions. The licensed professional should fully explain this to you before starting your first session. You can ask specific questions as to circumstances of reporting the latter.
At some point, you will have to decide whether you want to continue being in a toxic environment and living in the confusion, fear, distrust and lack of nurturing and love because you don't want to risk telling someone because of your fear of what will happen if you do. We humans, regardless of age, are afraid of change. We would rather stay in our 'comfort zone' of knowing the outcomes even if it feels bad than venture out into the unknown. That's just human nature - until we decide we're going to do something different and start our healing journey.
Some people never get there. Some start out really late in life. And some, like you, start questioning at a young age. Just know that whatever you decide...you can always change your mind AND it's never too late to start healing as long as you have a breath left in you.
~big hugs~