Aw, I used to self-harm and I understand the desire. I'm really glad you are talking about it. That was the best thing for me!

I have a good exercise on it that helped me. I'd be glad to share if you like!

...and the pain must be overwhelming. It's not you though! I've read some of your posts about your parents and I know how awful they are.

My wife was awful to me and I self-harmed for years. But once I stopped paying attention to her, the urges eventually went away.

So ignore my parents? What was that exercise?

Doesn't sound that easy with parents. It's really hard to deal with abuse as an adult, and to you who are being raised with abuse, I have to imagine it's even more difficult.

I was relating my experience just as a way of saying "external messages can cause someone to self-harm."

I don't know your situation enough to say "ignore your parents." You are the expert there!

I will post the exercise in another thread, in case it's useful to you.

It's gotten to the point where my mom and I have gotten into fights for 4-5 days in a row at a time. Where she makes fun of me for getting upset and crying. I want to walk out. But I can't leave my 4 & 1 year old sister with my mom. I won't. But I'm afraid the longer I stay the harder it will be to heal. I'm at a loss here. I want to leave because it's the best thing for me but I can't leave my siblings alone and I'm afraid to leave.

Violet, i've read a few of your posts now, and want you to know that i completely understand where you're coming from, as i was in your shoes myself, many moons ago.

You really do yourself, nor your siblings, any good by staying with your abusers.

I understand that you are currently in school, and can't just up and leave right now, but you CAN start making plans to leave ASAP.

Even just getting a job and saving up some money to go will make you feel empowered for your future.

Having a place that your siblings can run to in the future would be a better thing for all of you. Or, if things are bad for your siblings, you may be the one raising them in the future if they are taken from your parents due to abuse.

Please consider speaking with professionals in this area. Many of your fears will be erased with some real knowledge and a plan for the future.

You have to take care of yourself before you can think of taking care of anyone else. That's just the way it goes.

Self harm is a very dangerous thing. At the least, it will leave you with a lot of lifelong nasty looking reminders of these bleak times that you could leave to your past if you create a better future for yourself.

At the worst, you could cut too deeply and bleed to death.

Or wind up in a mental institution, with a record that could hold you back in the future.

PLEASE start thinking about YOUR future!

{{hugz}}

I am talking to my youth minister soon. I am not seeing a counselor yet though. My personality is such a kind one where I put myself above others. I neglect self care to help others instead. I've always been this way. Ok the room is spinning now. This happens a lot.

Hon ---

Neglecting self-care
to help others
is not a virtue.

Neglecting self-care
to help others
helps NO ONE.

Until you learn
and practice the
skill of practicing
self-care,

more than the room
will end up spinning.
Your life will end up
spinning out of control.

I hope you'll talk to
that counselor soon.

Please begin
taking good
care of yourself.

Sending you hugs
and healing prayers.

So in order to help others I have to help myself first? Really? I thought helping others then yourself was something good.

If you keep giving and never take care of yourself eventually you give all you have and are left with nothing. That is why you have to take care of yourself first. Then you will know when to give and when to say no.

V - your receiving excellent advice here. Please listen to it.

Make a plan, get a job, to save and get free.
Practice self care.
Reach out for help w a school counselor / youth minister.

Hugs, xo

Ok. I just wish I could leave. 95% of the time I feel AWFUL. That's why I wish you were here mom and could get me out.

You are the only one that can save you, kiddo! That's just the way it is. There is no white knight, and no fairy godmother that is going to come in and save you.

You have to come to grips with your reality, and figure out that you are in a war for you, and develop your own battle plan to save yourself.

When you "win", which i sure hope and pray that you do, you will be amazed at what joy can come from just a bit o' courage and some not so hard work.

"Freedom isn't free". That cliche' is a cliche' for a reason.

GL! {{hugz}}

I'm developing a plan. I'm ready to take control of my life and live it how I wish.

Woohoo!!! Go you!!