Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
Hi everyone! It's been a while. Many changes in my life for the good. I changed jobs to a location less than 10 minutes from where I live.
We will see how it goes because it is nothing I was told it was going to be. I have to deal with one particular person who obviously has many issues and is constantly telling my boss I'm not doing my job and that I'm a liar....... And despite this woman having the exact problems with every person she has ever worked with and everyone acknowledging it, no one will do anything about it. I have been in my line of work for 20 years and have a very good reputation in my industry and for this person to question my integrity rubs me the wrong way to an unbelievable degree.
I met an amazing man, I actually have been dating him for quite a while. This is the guy that was by my side giving me support and encouragement through my divorce. He is so sweet, so supportive and so wonderfully loving, UNCONDITIONALLY!
What I am struggling with is not reacting to things like I'm used to, meaning constantly thinking things that are said are an attack or trying to find the meaning behind what is said because my entire marriage was things being said and then being told that is not what was meant.
The issue I have is my first reaction to something, I do what I have always done, but in realty when my boyfriend tells me that there was no "hidden agenda" behind what he says and what he says he means I get it and I see.
So my question is, has anyone else experienced this and if so how do you get past it and how long does it take?
Hope everyone is well! :)
We will see how it goes because it is nothing I was told it was going to be. I have to deal with one particular person who obviously has many issues and is constantly telling my boss I'm not doing my job and that I'm a liar....... And despite this woman having the exact problems with every person she has ever worked with and everyone acknowledging it, no one will do anything about it. I have been in my line of work for 20 years and have a very good reputation in my industry and for this person to question my integrity rubs me the wrong way to an unbelievable degree.
I met an amazing man, I actually have been dating him for quite a while. This is the guy that was by my side giving me support and encouragement through my divorce. He is so sweet, so supportive and so wonderfully loving, UNCONDITIONALLY!
What I am struggling with is not reacting to things like I'm used to, meaning constantly thinking things that are said are an attack or trying to find the meaning behind what is said because my entire marriage was things being said and then being told that is not what was meant.
The issue I have is my first reaction to something, I do what I have always done, but in realty when my boyfriend tells me that there was no "hidden agenda" behind what he says and what he says he means I get it and I see.
So my question is, has anyone else experienced this and if so how do you get past it and how long does it take?
Hope everyone is well! :)
Answer to the second: sorry, I don't think there is a definitive answer :/
Healing takes however long it takes for each person. The only thing for sure is probably that you will know when you are feeling better.
Sorry I couldn't be more specific! Hugs xxx
As for how long it takes, like ms rockin' said, I also think it's individually based...It will take time, but that being said, it looks like you've made so many great, positive changes in your life that will aid in the healing process.
Not there yet myself, so I can't give any advice.
Another good thing I've learned is to think before I react. Not saying that a reaction is based solely on my reactions towards others but a reaction based on my thought form running away into a rant about what has upset me.
I have a friend whom I can call and talk to about these reactions. Then after I've thought about all possibilities I then take action if needed. There is nothing wrong with thinking first.
After all, my true authentic self always did, hence the reason as to my patience with the abusive people in my life, the difference now is that I do take action. Whether that is to say what I need to say, or walk away, I always make sure I act accordingly based on my ultimate feelings and based on my experiences.
Another thing is about self trust. Don't feel bad for a trigger, trust your minds process of shouting out loud "danger!" To itself.
It's ok to have triggers, in fact it's healthy and natural, it's just how we learn to act on them that matters, remembering to think long and hard about it first, find the source, and if u still need to take action, even if you r ever triggered by something that reminds u if the past, you can still access the present and ask yourself "is this ok with me? Is what others say or do comfortable for me?" And if its not, then act accordingly!
Please consider that your reactions might have some substance. I am not saying they are definitely not triggers. I am just saying that you should listen to yourself and be honest and truthful about what is happening. What are these things that he says that feels like a "hidden agenda to you?" Don't be afraid to discuss them. Honour yourself and your feelings. Most of us in this group have taken the burden of the responsibility for things that don't belong to us!
And congratulations for the new job! What a pain this woman is, but at least everyone knows what she is! Best ignored it sounds like!! But I would also look for constructive ways that you can bring your grievances forward.
All the best!!
If it think about what my boyfriend says to trigger it, it is really nothing, it is me always over analyzing and in reality it doesn't matter who it is, if they are close to me I always try to interpret "what they mean" whenever they say anything directed towards me. I almost feel like I have been conditioned with years of "alleged" misinterpretations or "I am too sensitive" that if it comes from someone I love or care about I don't know why but I feel like there is something else meant by what was said.
The great thing about my boyfriend is he is so understanding and he never tells me I'm too sensitive, in fact he tells me to just think about the words he says because they are what he means and there is nothing hidden behind it. For example if he tells me that he likes something he means it, there is no hidden message behind it or vice versa, if he doesn't like some thing he doesn't like it and I love that he tells me we are both entitled to our thoughts, emotions and feelings and that doesn't mean anything bad, that it means its ok for us to have different feelings.
I have always been made to feel like my feelings had no worth or value and meant nothing so this is refreshing.
Thank you again for all your support :)