Don't go if you don't feel safe in any way, shape or form. And tell him you need the girls with you. Or whatever excuse works best.

Be strong. And be mindful of what it is you want, for you and the kids.

Many hugs,
LT

Hey girl. First if all I am sorry you are dealing with all this. I do think though that you need to go and face his family. If you don't you may be giving the impression that you have something to be ashamed of. You need to go and hold your head high if anyone starts talking about it, just tell them it is not the time or the place. Also make it clear yo him that you will leave with the kids if anyone starts. Like it or not these people are kin to your children and the kids probably want to have Christmas with them. Don't start out by trying to keep them from his family. It won't win you any support from that side. I know my view probably won't be popular, but I am trying to be unbiased and you know I want to help you do what is best. You can do this. Be strong, it's almost over!

What does your gut tell you? Have there ever been occasions in the past that his side of the family made you feel uncomfortable? If you weren't there, did they talk shit behind your back and were inappropriate in front of your children?

Do whatever makes YOU feel comfortable. Not to say that your kids don't matter. But, if their mother is a mess inside, I think your girls will feel your upset more than missing some family holiday time. Don't listen to your heart, listen to your gut and your mind...Either way, know that you will be OK, and this too will pass :)

Sending you courage and comfort my friend..xo

I agree with Red. I think you need to face your fears and set the tone on this one. Both sides of the family will continue to be important to your girls, and if you're worried about how they will think/talk about you, I believe that you will incur more respect from them by going, and that will help keep their tongues from wagging in the future as well. If I were in your shoes, I would say something to the H ahead of time, about how you're going for the kids and the family's benefit, and you don't want there to be any discussions or unpleasantness, or you will be leaving with the girls. Maybe take 2 cars so that it cannot become an issue for you to leave if needed. And if you get cornered, I would just state that this is an issue between you and your husband and that you don't feel it's the time or place to discuss it. Period.

I know it will be hard, but often the high road is the rockier one. Good luck with whatever you decide. Big hugs.

Update:
We talked last night for an hour. We both felt a lil better that more things got out in the open. He knows how I feel. He admits he wished he listened and did more over the last 3 years as I tried to fix things and get thru to him. He said if we get divorced he won't b mad. He'll b sad but hopes we can do what's best for the girls.

We decided he'll go see his family by himself so he can have some alone time with them to talk. And he'll bring the girls next month.

The baby woke up during the night w a horrible cough again and I'll b taking her to the dr anyway today.

So I felt relieved not having to go this time. And this morning I'm sitting alone inside crying. I feel so sad. My mind keeps racing to the earlier days. I spent half the night reading - how to tell your children about divorce - my heart is breaking in a million pieces. I am not looking forward to telling them. How they will react. The long term effects. I want to say and do the absolute best and right by them.

I'm glad you had that talk and sad for your pain.

As for the kids, I was lucky enough that my son was still very young, no explanations required. But he's now asking for explanations sometimes. And my answer is to tell age appropriate truth. Just tell it like it is - if the talk comes up, you and their dad don't get along any more, it's not about them, it's just about you and their dad.

Not, I am glad you don't have the discomfort of being around his family.

And I am so sorry about the racing thoughts... remember, your children are young now, but one day they will be older. They will come to learn what happened and why. I was a child in a household of strife, but all I really wanted was to hear, "I love you," and to have my feelings validated.

You are a good mother, there is no doubt about that! I know you can do this. We all do. Massive hugs and stay strong xxx

Thank you for the advice and support. It's such a struggle.

Before he left he said its up to me, he said he's doing everything I want - IC, he's reading books, signed up for a cooking class to become more independent and do more for himself, looking into meditation. He said he was wrong to not give me space and he's been reading about in house separations and how we did it wrong. We need to set ground rules, and set up times, maybe once a week to talk about what we both want, etc. but then he says he sees I'm so unhappy and hates that I'm so unhappy. He said if I no longer love him, lets move on. Do the divorce together.

I just don't know anymore. I don't feel love for him. He said we should go to a diff MC. He'll let me pick her. Just give things one month. Til
The end if January. I was planning on going back to the lawyer in the new year to draw up papers.

I'm tired.

Wow, he's sounding so cooperative. I really hope it continues.

Try to get some sleep. With all you're going through and two kids to look after, sleep is paramount! Take care of yourself...

I'm glad he agreed for you to stay behind. He may end up defending you to his family, you never know. I'm sorry the baby is sick. It sure is going around. I hope she feels better soon.