Welcome to the forum,
though I'm sorry for the
circumstances that have
brought you here.

You're entitled to and you
totally deserve a life that's
not only free of abuse, but
filled with all that you desire.

Your profile does not say
where you are. If you send
me a private message, I'll
try and help you connect
with resources near you
that can suppot whatever
you wish to do, from here
going forward.

For the record, the beer is
not the primary problem.
Millions of people have a
beer without injurying the
people around them. And,
by the way. . . . does he
beat up anybody ELSE
after he starts drinking.
My guess is probably not.
My guess is that he's
perfectly controlled when
he's out with friends. My
guess is that he doesn't
go to work and beat up
his boss.

It's not the beer that's
the main problem. The
main problem is that he
feels entitled to attack
you and to injure you.
That means that one
day he may intentionally
or accidentally KILL YOU.

You say you don't know
what's happening.

What's happening is that
you are with a violent partner
who is, piece by piece,
stealing your life from you.

You don't have to decide
to leave. You've obviously
taken the first step of your
journey, by sharing your
story with us, here.

Please send me a
private message.
I may be able to
help you get support
where you live.

And please be very
careful. Your life is
precious.

Sending you hugs
and prayers for
clarity and courage.

Hi, right now I feel that the fear is stronger than anything else. And it is scary and confusing. I think you need someone to validate the realness of your situation and help you get out of there, because this is not where you belong.There are resources for women that can help you.

He is not just discovering that when he drinks he gets violent. He is doing it for quite sometime now according to your post. He knows what he is doing and apparently is not doing anything to make it stop because it's hurting you.

The fact that you are enduring this doesn't mean you deserve it or that you should not ask for help. The fear is temporary because you are in a scary situation.

It started July 2012.....just a little over a year of living together, I have been with him for five years

For me the fears were all jumbled up: Fear of being alone, fear that I had become unlovable, fear that I would not find someone else to love me, fear that I was too broken and battered and used up for anyone else to love and fear of the unknown. Somehow there was a wee bit of security in knowing what to expect - charming, not charming, verbal abuse, baiting and battering. (over and over)
Courage is not the opposite of fear, it is doing what needs to be done, even though we are afraid.
I guarantee there is a better life awaiting you, be careful and if you decide to leave, keep it to yourself or tell your family but not him or anyone that will tell him. They will often get more violent if they think you are leaving.
I am praying for you, that you can get away cleanly from this toxic situation and have some peace.
(((hugs)))

Thank you all.....it is the fear that is dominant fear of everything...staying leaving, even posting this morning....i have only said something to two people. One I found out my boyfriend told her I needed someone to talk to, the other turned it into an opportunity to hit on me, but both say what a great guy he is....kind of deters me from telling people. Thank you again and I will be back Sunday morning when he is at work

In these situations, although it is quite absurd, it is possible that the people who empathize and help more are not those who are close to you , like family and friends, but people who are working with victims and survivors and those who have been through that themselves.

There is more to you than the fear he is making you feel with his violence. You have more to show I am certain of that.