Just a thought but have you talked with a therapist? Sounds like some of the PTSD coping strategies might be helpful.
Welcome to the group tho I'm very sorry that this happened to you. Practicing selfcare may be helpful but at least will help keep ur focus on u

Welcome to our group, I am sorry about the trauma of what happened during your childhood. I agree with gigglemon - you may want to seek some help for PTSD and to help you work through some of the feelings that you have. We are always here to lean on for support or advice or even if you want to vent.

I'm so sorry for what you
endured growing up and
for it's aftermath.

The first two responders
suggested looking into
working with a therapist,
most probably around
patterns consistent
with PTSD, and I
totally concur.

I'd add that a clinician
familiar with dysfunctional
family systems and
recovery from abuse,
would also be able
to provide support.

Please take good care
of yourself!

Sending you hugs
and wishes for
healing and
good things
going forward.

Sounds very PTSD like to me too. When flashbacks or nightmares occur it is very possible to be "screwed up" for anywhere to a few hours or even days-because all those emotions, and the value we place on those emotions, gets all stirred up. I am so sorry for what you went through. Welcome to the forum.

Welcome (((((hugs))))))

Hello, I have re-occurring nightmares from past abusive situations as well, and yes, they are very disturbing. I also had a very strict mother, and it wasn't until later that I realized that her beatings were not what other normal kids would experience as part of their growing up. Lo and behold, I ended up in an abusive marriage.
My nightmares have been really dormant lately, because my relationship has really improved. Do you have any idea what your trigger might be? Are you still in touch with your mother? It might be a good idea to have boundaries established with her.

Thanks for the replies. Yea, I've come to learn it's probably PTSD. Oh my mothers been dead over 10yrs now.

I don't know where to start. You guys said a therapist? I was afraid they might think I'm nuts and lock me away.

And I have no idea what triggers the reoccurring nightmares. It just happens. I just try my best to forget about it. Once it's off my chest, I'm fine. Right now, I'm ok. Sleeping good again.

bruticus, No therapist is going to think you are crazy and lock you away. Please look for one that works with PTSD though. While none will think you are crazy, some are more equipped to help you than others.

I am sorry for what happened to you. No child should ever be beaten. Hugs.

I agree w/Ilene & the others who recommended therapy. IMHO, finding a QUALIFIED therapist - one who is specially trained in treating PTSD is crucial to your healing. I would want my therapist to have extra training in PTSD and the modalities that have proven helpful (like hypnotherapy, EMDR, EFT and guided imagery/visualization). Their training should be over and above whatever they were required to do to get their degree and license.

I was diagnosed w/PTSD 5 years ago and thanks to my therapist, hypnotherapy and guided imagery, and a few other practices like meditation & daily gratitude, I am much better now. I know what most of my triggers are and have learned several excellent coping skills.

You might want to do some research and then interview potential therapists. I tried several therapists before I found the right one.

Unfortunately, PTSD doesn't just go away, even if the person is no longer alive. It will take therapy to heal.

It would take awhile, often with the guidance of a therapist, to know what your triggers are. You might never learn what all of them are. It becomes about managing your reactions to your triggers.

They will NOT lock you up for having PTSD, or any other mental health issue you can name. There are patient's rights-and the only way they can hospitalize you against your will is if you are a harm to yourself or others.

I'm glad you are doing better right now. It will pop up again, and it may be effecting you in ways you aren't even aware of right now. I find that happens to me a lot, that suddenly I realize why I do certain things that I may be didn't even know I was doing. If you want therapy you'd want to find someone trained and specializing in abuse, or trauma, or PTSD.

Thanks for the kind words. I shall give it a try. But can I ask...

In my nightmares she's beating me and I can only run away. I have never been able to fight back. Is there anything I can do to trick my memories to fight back?

That is an interesting question. What you might be talking about called lucid dreaming, where you can direct and control your dreams. I used to be able to do it really well when I was a child-but then I didn't know what it was I could just do it. I don't do it so well now, but still can occasionally. First you have to recognize you are in a dream, then you can change it. If you go to sleep at night-thinking "I'm going to know I'm dreaming tonight and change my dream," I don't know-it might allow you to lucid dream.

I know no idea whatsoever if you will get any benefit out of it. I might be liberating and empowering, but you might find it creates tremendous guilt to hurt your mother back in your dream. The subconscious is full of landmines.

I agree with can't. Sometimes I lucid dream, but the only thing i do is fly, I love to fly :-).
Maybe, instead of hitting back, try taking away her stick and fly away, or turn yourself into a giant size :-).
There are some really good books on how to achieve lucid dreaming, and they work, if you do them diligently. You have to train your mind for a signal to tell you when you are dreaming, and when you realize that you are in a dream, you can do anything.