Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I hope I am not covering something that has been covered time and time again, but especially lately, I have been having a lot of triggers. I notice T.V. affecting me, so I am trying to read more. Certain actors looking like exes and bringing back memories, or simple commercials, like the last ex drove a Prius, which is unusual for the small area in which I live, and the commercials are hard for me. Then that bugs me that I can't handle a simple commercial, I mean really?!
Songs playing on the radio that we used to skate at the skating rink to and I have to switch stations, I moved all his things to another room and the door is shut, deactivated facebook, cleared his pictures off my phone, blocked his calls, ignore his texts when he does text.
He left me alone for 2 months, and now almost another 3 weeks, I should be over this, shouldn't I?
I don't talk to his friends anymore, I am not on Facebook with them, I avoid the town they are from and him, I try to keep busy at work and I am taking time off of dating. I left him the last two times, so what gives?
It's like I am frustrated with myself for not being stronger, for letting a silly commercial or tv program, a song, a memory bother me like that. Especially when I know it doesn't him. When I know all he has to do is roll a joint, take some pills, call a girl, whatever or however he decides to self medicate and meanwhile I have to work through the crap with no easy fix.
Sorry, just wondering if anyone else has these triggers or these wonders what he/she is doing or if they are happy or over it?
Songs playing on the radio that we used to skate at the skating rink to and I have to switch stations, I moved all his things to another room and the door is shut, deactivated facebook, cleared his pictures off my phone, blocked his calls, ignore his texts when he does text.
He left me alone for 2 months, and now almost another 3 weeks, I should be over this, shouldn't I?
I don't talk to his friends anymore, I am not on Facebook with them, I avoid the town they are from and him, I try to keep busy at work and I am taking time off of dating. I left him the last two times, so what gives?
It's like I am frustrated with myself for not being stronger, for letting a silly commercial or tv program, a song, a memory bother me like that. Especially when I know it doesn't him. When I know all he has to do is roll a joint, take some pills, call a girl, whatever or however he decides to self medicate and meanwhile I have to work through the crap with no easy fix.
Sorry, just wondering if anyone else has these triggers or these wonders what he/she is doing or if they are happy or over it?
This is not about an ex, but just the other day I walked past a guy wearing heavy aftershave of the same sort that my dad used. It took me so by surprise that I went cold, my pulse started thundering, and I nearly lost my balance.
Voices are heavy triggers too. I freeze sometimes when not able to see someone's face and hear what sounds like a familiar voice. Even when I know that person could not possibly be in that place at that time, still gets me.
I try to think that well, if they hadn't put us through all that stuff then we wouldn't BE being triggered. But they did. It's not our fault at all xxx
I still freeze up at unexpected sounds in my drive, knocks on my door, phone ringing at work from private callers. Thanks for your understanding.
jblaser521, yes, they were a part of my life and I get what your saying, its just they lied from the beginning and pretended to be someone they were not. I know this and each time I went back for more and each time the faade was never as well played, the honeymoon period was shorter and it got to where he didn't even put any effort in it. I had two long term relationships, a marriage, in which I lived with my ex husband for 8 years, married for 5 years. While he was never what you would call overly affectionate he was not abusive in my opinion. Then after him, my ex fianc, 7 years, who was pretty affectionate but ended up cheating. I very rarely give him a second thought and he dumped me. I just can't understand why I would give a man who has a lot of issues and addictions, possibly a narcissist or sociopath (can't quite narrow that down) maybe bi polar and a definite serial cheater who I was only with 3 years, more off than on, who we went back and forth with on dumping and going back, why can't I rid myself of thoughts of the why and the what ifs?
Is it because he is the last man I dated and I have not dated anyone since, even in the times we were off, even though he did?
So in fact, he moved on whilst I did not? So I am stuck in the revolving wheel yet?
The longest I have went at NC with him is 8 or 9 months and I just feel like I will never get past this.
I realize the healthy thing is NOT to date, to work on me, but honestly, the fact that he is out doing his thing, happy, with another woman or women, still grates at me. It just seems unfair he gets to take the shortcut.
Sorry if this seems to not makes sense....
I totally get how you are feeling. Hang in there. We are going to get through and one day look back and thank our lucky stars. Well, that's my story and I'm trying really hard to stick to it.
Hugs my friend.
My ex was also my shortest serious relationship, and while my other break ups were very painful, they didn't have quite this kind of hold on me. It helps to tell myself that, while he's probably acting alright and telling everyone he knows how crazy I am and how relieved he is I'm done with him, there's a little human in him that knows he did bad. And it has to be frustrating for him to keep so many different stories straight.
Bottled, maybe that intensity is the emotional ups and Downs, the constant not knowing where we stood, the being set upon that pedastal only to have it knocked so cruelly out from under us?
AzKevin, I so hope I get to where you are and there are things he and I did that I enjoyed like rollerskating that I hope to do again, maybe by myself or with friends when I am feeling stronger.
I so appreciate everyone's support! :)