Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
How do you not let triggers get you down? How do you not let the stress of it all just bowl you under, break you down?
I can normally try to be strong enough to deal with the abusive exes in my life when they reinitate contact, generally every three months with the one from 3 years ago, and well the last one, I made a major mistake and let him suck me back in and it bit me hard.
Anyway, I changed my phone number once and the child of the years ago ex got the number from his mom (exes ex wife) and well we get spells of him reinitating and I can generally get rid of him easy enough without a bunch of hassle. No physical contact and he loses interest.
This last go around though, he has been swearing that there has been no one since me ( find that hard to believe as it has been three years) he sends photos of his boys, he calls and I just let it go to voice mail, and he is even tricky enough to have his youngest call from his phone, in which I answered and ended up talking to the son and finding a reason to get off the phone. :(
Anyway, the last thing which is very bad is that he sent a photo to me of his hand, at least I think it is his hand as there is no information with the photo?
It looks adult, looks like his and there is blood around the tops of two fingers, looks like he may have lost the tips of both fingers.
I am pretty sick about it honestly as I am human. I do not want this man back in my life as a boyfriend, but I wish him no harm and I do not want to seem as if I have no heart or compassion?
Suggestions? Please...this has upset me pretty badly today.
I can normally try to be strong enough to deal with the abusive exes in my life when they reinitate contact, generally every three months with the one from 3 years ago, and well the last one, I made a major mistake and let him suck me back in and it bit me hard.
Anyway, I changed my phone number once and the child of the years ago ex got the number from his mom (exes ex wife) and well we get spells of him reinitating and I can generally get rid of him easy enough without a bunch of hassle. No physical contact and he loses interest.
This last go around though, he has been swearing that there has been no one since me ( find that hard to believe as it has been three years) he sends photos of his boys, he calls and I just let it go to voice mail, and he is even tricky enough to have his youngest call from his phone, in which I answered and ended up talking to the son and finding a reason to get off the phone. :(
Anyway, the last thing which is very bad is that he sent a photo to me of his hand, at least I think it is his hand as there is no information with the photo?
It looks adult, looks like his and there is blood around the tops of two fingers, looks like he may have lost the tips of both fingers.
I am pretty sick about it honestly as I am human. I do not want this man back in my life as a boyfriend, but I wish him no harm and I do not want to seem as if I have no heart or compassion?
Suggestions? Please...this has upset me pretty badly today.
Second I will answer your questions:
How do you not let triggers get you down? Triggers subside when the triggering event is dealt with and has been acknowledged, dealt with, grieved and forgiven. It is no longer a trigger when you face it and put in the work to lessen its affect on you.
How do you not let the stress of it all just bowl you under, break you down? It took me bowling under, breaking, falling and utterly being so broken enough to let it go.... to be able to pick myself up and walk on. I had to leave it. Let it go. Walk on.
Just wanted to answer your questions.
My sister in law looked at it and she seems to think it could be a childs hand. His boy is about 12 and so preteen. It is a real photo, their is dirt on the hand and anyway, it is too graphic not to be real. What gets me is the only text I got was Hi and my name.
No explanation for the photo.
To my discredit, I recieved this late last night..I ignored though it was hard as I figured it was a bait for me to call him.
I was tired and my sleep meds had kicked in and I also had a migraine.
I did send a text this morning and recieved no answer. My text was brief and to the point. Whose hand was that? I hope everyone is ok.
No answer as of yet and even if he went to work (say it was his hand) he would be off and home by now.
He did this once before, no photo, but sent a text saying he needed me to do him a favor, pray for his son.
When I tried to call, no answer. When I texted and said I will pray, what is wrong, hope all is ok. I never heard back...for around a month.
He later texted that his son was in for a bowel impactment.
He had used his son many times to get me back in the relationship but that was years ago..he would send photos of him in my pjs I had left there, or have him call saying he was sick.
I thought these games were over..
I really hope THIS is not his son..He does have a sweet kid.
It was my downfall.
I know its harsh but you are not ignoring his son you are ignoring him and when his son is old enough if he wants to contact you himself and without his dad using him to do so then he will. For now you have to let him go and let your ex go. You need to put a stop to this madness. This guy seems like he wont give up. Its been 3 years and that is a very long time for him to still be doing this, he is not letting you move on, dont let him stop you from getting on with the rest of your life.
No contact. Don't respond to these manipulations at all. Don't chase an answer. I also liked kaz's suggestion of calling the police to tell them someone is injured.
Protect yourself - you can't save him, and unfortunately you can't do anything about his kids either.
Anyway, as I recieved no reply, no phone call ( I did not call but I have to assume it was false or he would of attempted to call?
since I have heard nothing..I am NC and staying so.
I cannot change my number at this time, but I will keep my eyes wide open.
I can't block with this phone, I do have him on reject along with the last ex, so at least the calls go to voice mail if they do call. I can at least avoid them that way. Texts go right through. :(
I will just have to learn to hit delete.
Thank you everyone and I am sorry that you all had to go through this type of abuse.