Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
i have never had a good relationship where the person values me the way i value them it seems that i keep picking the wrong guy or that he misrepresents himself gets me isolated and then turns into a monster i wonder what is wrong with me am i that blind,stupid, trusting i never saw what a healthy relationship was i saw my mom go from one abusive man to another i even had my tubes banded so i would not bring a life into this misery and my mental health had me terrified,still does,i am 37 i should have known better i am glad i did not have children seeing the way my life turned out i have tenative plans to go to a shelter around april 22 if there is an opening then i go north back to the same town i left got talked into leaving i should say i will have resources and transportation to go to the doctor therapy groups grocery shopping i just want to heal now yet i am terrified of what is going to surface during all this i used to beg god for a good man and now dont want any man in my life for a while but i am afraid i will fall into the same old patterns i have no friends where i live now and my x-bfriend and i have gone to roommate status i am happy for that there is a case pending against my father for sexually abusing me in 2011 waiting for DNA results to come back this situation combined with current abuse has me all messed up some days all i can do is sleep
all i want to do is sleep i feel nothing then and i dont have to deal with the x calling me dirty smelly that he is ashamed and embarassed to be seen in public with me that was the final straw why can't people just be nice and value us as humans not just a woman to make dinner do dishes clean the house then want to have sex especially after what has happened to me i have alot of anger inside and dont want to snap and hurt someone i am such a kind loving person -i used to be but now i find myself growing cold and mean to others the way my mom was during my childhood never there to hug me hold me but she couldn't she was taking the brunt of all the abuse sometimes i wonder if there is any hope left for me to return to that kind person what if i did and get used and abused again.i do plan on being by myself to figure things out get heal to get healthy yet i dont want to be alone so is there something wrong with me i dont know i have ptsd borderline personality disorder anxiet panic attacks severe depression at times and have self-harming issues when things get too tense for me to mentally deal with or if i find myself pushed to the edge if i am that worthless and others wont listen when i ask them to stop or backoff that is when i have the tendency to hurt cause i CAN control the amount of pain i inflict on myself and the blood feels that it is letting some of it out i know i am in a messed up state of mind and trying to reach out through this site i could use some more friends,fellow sisters that can help me to stay strong to know that others have been there words of kindness and encouragement i hope somebody comes through for me i feel so utterly completly alone in this i know i am not alone it just feels that way for now
all i want to do is sleep i feel nothing then and i dont have to deal with the x calling me dirty smelly that he is ashamed and embarassed to be seen in public with me that was the final straw why can't people just be nice and value us as humans not just a woman to make dinner do dishes clean the house then want to have sex especially after what has happened to me i have alot of anger inside and dont want to snap and hurt someone i am such a kind loving person -i used to be but now i find myself growing cold and mean to others the way my mom was during my childhood never there to hug me hold me but she couldn't she was taking the brunt of all the abuse sometimes i wonder if there is any hope left for me to return to that kind person what if i did and get used and abused again.i do plan on being by myself to figure things out get heal to get healthy yet i dont want to be alone so is there something wrong with me i dont know i have ptsd borderline personality disorder anxiet panic attacks severe depression at times and have self-harming issues when things get too tense for me to mentally deal with or if i find myself pushed to the edge if i am that worthless and others wont listen when i ask them to stop or backoff that is when i have the tendency to hurt cause i CAN control the amount of pain i inflict on myself and the blood feels that it is letting some of it out i know i am in a messed up state of mind and trying to reach out through this site i could use some more friends,fellow sisters that can help me to stay strong to know that others have been there words of kindness and encouragement i hope somebody comes through for me i feel so utterly completly alone in this i know i am not alone it just feels that way for now
And the only thing "wrong"
with you is that you were
raised under the roof
of abuse.
I hope you are either
getting therapy or
would consider
getting therapy.
It can help.
Many of us have
benefitted from it
and have begun
healing because
of it.
Please reach out
for support and use
the resources that
are there around you.
Life CAN be better.
Sending you huge hugs
and wishes for healing
and a better life.
You are definitely not alone, and i am so sorry you are going through all this.
I do agree with Ilene that counseling has helped so many people.
Things will get better, but you do need some help, and once again I will suggest the counseling.
I wish you the very best and I do hope things get better for you.
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((9HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))