Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
Im just so lost right now, feel like im losing my mind, i want to leave but am so insecure that i cant conjure up the courage to actually do it. Now we are filing for bankruptcy, which is fine, it would be nice to start fresh but he wants to keep the house, he has some attachment to it, its an old piece of crap that needs alot of work and i would rather say goodbye to the headaches. so i guess what does it really matter if he wants to keep the house, i want out anyway and he can just have it.
Im so tired of being stressed out i really feel like im going to have a mental breakdown, maybe thats what i need, idk, maybe that would be the final step in ending this but why do i need to breakdown before i will leave this man, yes 15 years is a long time but im only 32, i can still have a new life and a fresh start with my son, without him.
I just wish something would just dawn on me and wake me up and that i would get the courage to say ITS OVER, IM DONE and leave, i feel so weak for not being able to do that, i fell the urge to cry but its just not there, im just so tired of everything, my life was suppose to be better than this. I never expected to be in this situation, i just want to run away.
Yes its emotional abuse, has never laid on hand on me, so why do i let this bring me down so low. and yes to twist the old adage, if he would just hit me, then i know i would run for the hills and it would be over but that will never happen, he knows i would be gone in a second!
I guess theres not alot of question here what i should do but i just needed to vent and any advice would be appreciated, im just stuck
Im so tired of being stressed out i really feel like im going to have a mental breakdown, maybe thats what i need, idk, maybe that would be the final step in ending this but why do i need to breakdown before i will leave this man, yes 15 years is a long time but im only 32, i can still have a new life and a fresh start with my son, without him.
I just wish something would just dawn on me and wake me up and that i would get the courage to say ITS OVER, IM DONE and leave, i feel so weak for not being able to do that, i fell the urge to cry but its just not there, im just so tired of everything, my life was suppose to be better than this. I never expected to be in this situation, i just want to run away.
Yes its emotional abuse, has never laid on hand on me, so why do i let this bring me down so low. and yes to twist the old adage, if he would just hit me, then i know i would run for the hills and it would be over but that will never happen, he knows i would be gone in a second!
I guess theres not alot of question here what i should do but i just needed to vent and any advice would be appreciated, im just stuck
(608) 255-0539
Please CALL THIS NUMBER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What he's done has brought you
this low because emotional abuse
is a KILLER!
It's a killer of soul and spirit,
and the grim reaper of LIVES.
Stay with him and you're
handing the rest of your
life over to an annihilator.
I hope you'll decide to value
your life, (and that of your
son), as more important
than whatever it is that's
keeping you attached.
Sending you hugs
and healing prayers.
Please take good care!
When I couldn't handle it anymore, my first step was to talk to my doctor about my ex. She helped me out a lot.
It is possible to start a fresh life at 32 with no money and kids. Life is a lot simpler without an abuser in it.
something you said struck my attention though. you said if he hit you, then you know you could leave. I told myself the same thing, and then he hit me. like you, i had almost wanted him to because i thought then it would be easier to leave. it wasnt. i still feel more trapped than ever. he has never hit me again, but it doesnt matter. the point is waiting for it to get worse does not make it easier to leave. love is truly blind, and it is amazing what you will tolerate from someone you love
It's hard to leave & the longer we stay, the harder it gets. I think the average number of times it takes for someone to leave and stay gone is seven. I left after 35+ years. It was scary because I didn't think I could make it on my own. I gave up a lot of material stuff & my financial standard of living is way less than it was when I was married. But, I have enough AND I am happier than I ever was when I was married. I have peace of mind, body & spirit & that makes it worth it.
Hugs!!
him:living in our massive house in a great neighbourhood, brand new car, awesome city job with benefits, all of the furniture, 2 TVs.
guess who's happier?
so happy I left. don't care that I left it all behind. there are million pro's to leaving.
not having to sleep with him, cook for him,be afraid of him, listen to him rage, rant, recreate...not having to watch the clock so that he wouldn't question how long it took me to get home from getting groceries..the list is endless..
and yeah, I used to say 'if only he'd hit me, then I'd KNOW for sure, and I'd leave..
well, he finally did hit me in the end, and still managed to turn it around that he DIDN'T hurt me, that I blew it out of proportion.
and so much for me leaving the second he hurt me:
it still took me 5 months after that to get out, and he STILL says TO MY FACE that he didn't hit me, didn't head butt me, didn't shake, that he only pinned me to the bed, nothing else. he says this TO MY FACE!
I WAS THERE!
and then, I start to really believe him, that maybe I DID blow it out of proportion.
abusers are experts at twisting reality...
I jumped 8 days ago - had to or I would have been left an empty, broken shell. I had the people at DS to catch me. Im still very shaken by the whole experience but Im glad I did it.
You will leave when you are sure - and when you do, we will catch you x
Eventually I did kick him out, but not before we had a child and he had ended up in prison for assault.
So that's the first one - when you are hooked, you can't be certain that you wouldn't put up with that too.
Another reason not to wait is that he is doing emotional damage to you every single day. As Ilene said, emotional abuse is a killer. He is daily killing your spirit, your soul. How long are you willing to wait, just to see whether he would do something that you can really point to, like hitting you? Emotional abuse is real, it leaves scars just as surely (more surely in many cases) as physical abuse. My bruises are all healed, I have no physical scars or lasting physical issues - but I am still carrying the emotional scars and will for the rest of my life.
But in some ways the biggest reason not to wait for him to hit you is there is no way of telling whether he would stop at a slap or whether it would be the last thing you ever experience.
Saying that, I do understand how hard it is to leave. I really do. I know that, even as bad as my ex was, even after he went to jail, I still didn't kick him out for me, I was still not ready to give up on him. But I had a son - and my love for my son was greater than my love for him, greater than my hopes for my marriage, greater than my fears, greater than the (misplaced) shame I felt at failing in my marriage. If you can't do it for you, do it for your son, to show him that it's not acceptable to treat you or anyone else that way, to show him that's not what relationships should be about, to show him that's not what love is. To give him a real chance.
Whatever you decide, we are here to support you. We know how hard it is.
Here's something to remember:
It's not a straight line forward,
but a zig zag. Don't be discouraged
by what may appear to be a set-back.
Just keep putting one foot in front of
the other, and you'll get there!