Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I am not even certain that writting this is in my best interest. And I don't know if it's because of the grieving I am enduring or the depression that has over whelmed me. Or maybe it's the flood of thoughts about all the things that happened when I was a child. But I think if it's anything it's what was done to me by my husband in the 5 miserable yrs. I spent with him.
WTF is wrong with my head. I have a day where I think ok this is cool. I can do this. I am on top of this. I feel pretty damn good.
Then I have days where all I can think about is just making it stop. Thats it. I'm done. No more. I've had enough. Then back too okay I can do this.....
Why am I so confused? Why can I get a grip and then turn around and let it slide out of my hands?
I am getting angry with people I don't want to be angry with. I say to others that I am feeling really good and having a great day and some very possitive thoughts and feelings. And their like...wow thats great, hang onto that. I am so proud of you. Then when I say to that same person. Man I am having the crappiest day. And just feeling really bad. Their like WHY? Like because I had a good day. Some how that makes it all better. Once I have a good day. I have no reason or no right to feel bad again? I don't get that.
And if one more person says to me that I need to talk to a therapist. I am just going to start screaming and never stop. Talking to a therapist is not going to take away from me any of the deep rooted, imbedded pain that has been inflicted on my life from my 1st day on the planet. And talking it out one sentence at a time is so bullshit. I say it they hear and then I come home with same friggin pain and confusion. They got 100.00 bucks and I got a headache, from crying so hard.
And I am so mad at myself. I come on here and write the things that are in my head. I sit down with a friend and share my thoughts and cry on their shoulder. And then I walk away feeling like I have just burdened the world with my very damaged self. And I look at the reality of me and my life and my future. God I wish other people had to spend a day in head. Then I wouldn't have to keep trying to justify why my head is so fucked up.
WTF is wrong with my head. I have a day where I think ok this is cool. I can do this. I am on top of this. I feel pretty damn good.
Then I have days where all I can think about is just making it stop. Thats it. I'm done. No more. I've had enough. Then back too okay I can do this.....
Why am I so confused? Why can I get a grip and then turn around and let it slide out of my hands?
I am getting angry with people I don't want to be angry with. I say to others that I am feeling really good and having a great day and some very possitive thoughts and feelings. And their like...wow thats great, hang onto that. I am so proud of you. Then when I say to that same person. Man I am having the crappiest day. And just feeling really bad. Their like WHY? Like because I had a good day. Some how that makes it all better. Once I have a good day. I have no reason or no right to feel bad again? I don't get that.
And if one more person says to me that I need to talk to a therapist. I am just going to start screaming and never stop. Talking to a therapist is not going to take away from me any of the deep rooted, imbedded pain that has been inflicted on my life from my 1st day on the planet. And talking it out one sentence at a time is so bullshit. I say it they hear and then I come home with same friggin pain and confusion. They got 100.00 bucks and I got a headache, from crying so hard.
And I am so mad at myself. I come on here and write the things that are in my head. I sit down with a friend and share my thoughts and cry on their shoulder. And then I walk away feeling like I have just burdened the world with my very damaged self. And I look at the reality of me and my life and my future. God I wish other people had to spend a day in head. Then I wouldn't have to keep trying to justify why my head is so fucked up.
You're entitled to every feeling you have.
The number of incredibly capable
therapists in contrast to the run of the
mill-adequate or inadequate therapists,
is greatly skewed. So. . . . you're probbly
right. It's probably a stretch to imagine
that you'd find the therapist who could
most benefit you, if you don't have the
confidence in or patience for finding
that highly qualified therapist. The
fact is, though, that many of us here
on the board, and many others who
aren't on DS, have found value and
even healing, in therapy and counseling.
If it isn't for you ----- then, obviously ------
don't consider using it.
But there is a chance of healing from
being injured and damaged. Many of
us here can testify that healing happens.
There are even a variety of ways to get there.
We all wish for you, that kind of healing.
Recovery is possible and is a truly
wonderful thing, when it happens.
Taking great care of yourself, is the
very first step.
Hugs and healing thoughts.