Hi, I read your story and it is a lot to take in. It seems that you truly love your wife but she has changed somehow. It really does seem like she may be suffering from some type of mental illness. I know the doctors have releases her.

I think you are on target by taking care of your younger son. Is it possible to minimize their interactions? This would be to avoid further trauma to him as he is old enough to know what is going on.

What is your plan? what do you want to do?

I am sincerely sorry that you and your 16 yr old have to go through this.

Stay strong.

Is your novel posted on here somewhere?

These kind of situations are rough. I know how draining it is being around an emotionally dysfunctional person. Sometimes the hardest thing to learn is to take care of yourself and your kids first and foremost, and recognize your wife's behaviors are not your fault.

you can read the novel, by clicking on my name or view more posts. The plans, well I have to modify my house so I can keep it or at least present to the judge that I can keep it, that keeping the enviroment, pets, school and to keep all going for some normalicy for my son. one of the problems is I am broke, I am a contractor and in Nov I had 3 jobs I set aside 6 months to do them myself, (my crew is gone sb1070). well I lost all of them so now I am weeks away from the next one and desperatly trying to get infill work (handyman stuff) and yet keep it somewaht normal for my son. My wife now that the doctors have given her a report that she is fine, plays off that , lays in the sun for an hr, says she is looking for work( first job in 20 years) and goes to my oldest sons to drink and smoke... not a care in the world. This really ticks me, I have sold just about everything work all the time and take care of all.. for this??? Its hard to see the lack of concern or caring for her youngest son yet she has it for the oldest ( self medicator..recovering herion addick and a home dad mom.. unemployed takes care of the kids while the girlfriend (controlling like mom) works then parties. complete chaos. Sooner or later CPS will be called reguarding the grandkids.. its just a mater of time. My wife , from her high standards, morals, honsety has fallen into this chaos.. or maybe it was always there just covered up. If you asked me a year or so ago what kind of mother she was , you could find no better she was on everything form homework, food , laundry, making sure the kids were taken care of. Its hard for me to see where she is at, that is all gone for the youngest (mine Bio) and the oldest (hers bio but mine since 5 years old now 25) gets the full on caring and baby shit stuff. he wakes at 11am and does.... she buys into it.

I guess I need to take a step back, look at the actions of what is today rather then what was then and face the cold hard ugly truth. Its way over and to save my son and myself. I now though feel I am tanted , I mean I am spent, drained, and just used. and having to rebuild myself.
thanks guys

Well my crazy mother in law called today and talked to my 16year old. She is the first one to check on his well being. She asked how he was considering that your dad hit your mom. I informed that I did not and that the charges were dropped no charge because it did not happen. My son then thanked her for checking on him and she was stunned that not even his brother has bothered to do so. She broke down despising its been just us two and that my wife has cooped everyone. He was telling me at dinner..well maybe they will get it now. My advise to him keep studying playing guitar keep involved don't get caught up in the drama and know I am there for him anytime! And most importantly that I love Jim and non of this is his fault

sorry there were type o's

Well my crazy mother in law called today and talked to my 16year old. She is the first one to check on his well being. She asked how he was considering that your dad hit your mom. He informed that I did not and that the charges were dropped no charge because it did not happen. My son then thanked her for checking on him and she was stunned that not even his brother has bothered to do so. She broke down crying and realizes its been just us two and that my wife has dooped everyone. He was telling me at dinner..well maybe they will get it now. My advise to him keep studying playing guitar keep involved don't get caught up in the drama and know I am there for him anytime! And most importantly that I love Him and non of this is his fault

Hi all I need to vent. I have been focused evenmore to get all my paper work done, for loan mod, med bill, programs, and divorce. and while i am doing this I am flat broke, quarters and dimes have all been used. My car on ebay finial sold. Now I have breathing room for a short time.The assisted living program my mother lives in (dementia) they were going to kick her out unless I got caught up on back payments , so now I can get most of it paid up. As I was putting the paperwork together my wife comes out and asks me to clean the pool and fix the filter..... and the pool needs shock. I just looked at her mouth my dropped. I mean really I have to swipe napkins from places just for toilet paper for the house the refride is bare, my dad provides food for my son and I. My wife lays out by the pool , gets ready by 12noon then off untill 9pm. she goes over to my oldest son (recovering herion addict, un employed, lazy) and stays there smokes and drinks. I mean really! I tell her the pool thing is soon going to end, either I am going to loose the house and or divorce. She is so focused on herself. When I told her cleaning the pool was not on the top of my list , she got pissed and stormed off and left. came back 4 hrs later with schock and pool acid. No Food! but pool stuff. This is insane, just insane.
I dont know what she will do when I file, I told her I was, but I have to wait for the loan modify so that I have a chance to save the house and keep what is left stable for my son. Things are moving and changes are happening slowely but they are. Friends and relatives and going to figure out what is actually happening. The lie of that I beat her, (did not touch her) is going to unravel and she will be exposed. It cleas my head to let it out ...so thanks all for putting up with my novel and stuff.

Well. Loan mod is going to take some time and filing for divorce will mess it up. So new and same game plan

I agree with seawee4, Try to minimize the interaction of your son and your wife. If you could move the two of you out somehow, to a place where you could create a stable home for him, as you attempt to deal with all the other stuff.

I feel your wife definitely is mentally ill, and honestly, I don't think that's uncommon among narcissistic abusers, I know that my own ex, is seriously mentally ill now. He is functional, but barely. The story about her and the pool, when you have no food? The oven at my ex's house (my old house) was broken for 5 years before I left, (probably still is). the dishwasher didn't work, the house had had a basement fire and the walls were covered with soot. And what did he buy? A meat smoker.

The point is, I know I can't help him. He is closed to anything I say. The only thing I could do was save myself, and my son. Your focus now, is correctly placed on your son. The sooner you can get him out of there, the better. Obviously you have other issues too, like your mother, to deal with.

I hope you are able to find some assistance somewhere. It seems there might be state help for your wife. There are food pantries where you can get basic supplies. Next time she buys anything you don't need, take it back, and get the money back. Can you do anything to ensure that she has no access to your accounts or credit cards, so that she is unable to buy this stuff?

You are carrying a lot of extraordinary burdens. I wish you all good things in resolving this, and getting you and your son to a safe place.

Thanks for your comment. I have changed all the accounts (no I am finiancialy abusing her) that way she cant mess me up. Just got food stamps yesturday(she did. Ive tried 3 times). I had just bought food told her so and she got posses. She needed me to sign for them aswell. The problem I have now. She will buy food for the older son.figs and probely booze. If I find out I will squash it. If I confront her..well there is the fight. It seems that when I back off she some how pulls me back in. Now by getting the food stamps.well she can eat and still not work. My problem yes and no. If she does not get a job and I file for divorce I am paying more.if she does its less. I am tired. Every move she makes does effect everyone to some degree.